I find that many times people have no idea, when asked directly, what they really want out of any one particular relationship. Some know, or think they know. I just raise the question this morning because I'm in the place of trying to define my own "cardinal" relationship after 28 years of being with one another. No it's not an earth shaking thing, I have come to know it is a natural progression for me and my husband to have periods where we shift and redefine what it is we're doing and what we want.
How do we know what we want? Some of these items are very clear, and some are not so clear. I know I want NO CHEATING...but to define that further takes some work. What do I mean by cheating? do I mean emotional as well as physical? do I mean I want him to never look at another woman in a segxwal way or in an admiring way? You can see how it gets very interesting when you begin to write it all out. I think many issues with couples stem from the fact that we have all these expectations of the other person, but most are unspoken and undefined and so when a general boundary gets crossed our radar goes on high alert, some times justified and many times not.
What are expectations in the relationship? This question needs to be addressed honestly from the very get go. Expectations tend to mess everything up, and once an unspoken boundary gets crossed it is very difficult to sort through what just happened if neither of you have the right tools, communication tools or otherwise.
I, myself, am reaching yet another stage of growth personally. I'm trying to figure out a way to include my husband, but that is where I get frazzled. He works in one of our businesses, over the road, and I just can't do it anymore. I'm in a place of having to define, again, who I am, what I want in my life, and what am I willing to accept. I'm almost to the point of not accepting him being on the road anymore. But recently put down on paper what that really means. Do I make a stand and say "or else?" that just sounds juvenile, and something that doesn't quite fit who we are and where we've come from. Do I make demands? That use to fit my personality, but I've changed, and it's not the place I want to come from any more. So I'm playing with the idea and asked the question of myself ( a trick my dad taught me before he passed on)... "Amy, what if he never gets off the road? then what?"
So this morning I find myself pondering that question once again...if he doesn't, then what?
What do I REALLY want out of my relationship? Time to get honest Amy
Posted: at 6-10-2009 12:41 PM (14 years ago) | Gistmaniac
I find that many times people have no idea, when asked directly, what they really want out of any one particular relationship. Some know, or think they know. I just raise the question this morning because I'm in the place of trying to define my own "cardinal" relationship after 28 years of being with one another. No it's not an earth shaking thing, I have come to know it is a natural progression for me and my husband to have periods where we shift and redefine what it is we're doing and what we want.
How do we know what we want? Some of these items are very clear, and some are not so clear. I know I want NO CHEATING...but to define that further takes some work. What do I mean by cheating? do I mean emotional as well as physical? do I mean I want him to never look at another woman in a segxwal way or in an admiring way? You can see how it gets very interesting when you begin to write it all out. I think many issues with couples stem from the fact that we have all these expectations of the other person, but most are unspoken and undefined and so when a general boundary gets crossed our radar goes on high alert, some times justified and many times not.
What are expectations in the relationship? This question needs to be addressed honestly from the very get go. Expectations tend to mess everything up, and once an unspoken boundary gets crossed it is very difficult to sort through what just happened if neither of you have the right tools, communication tools or otherwise.
I, myself, am reaching yet another stage of growth personally. I'm trying to figure out a way to include my husband, but that is where I get frazzled. He works in one of our businesses, over the road, and I just can't do it anymore. I'm in a place of having to define, again, who I am, what I want in my life, and what am I willing to accept. I'm almost to the point of not accepting him being on the road anymore. But recently put down on paper what that really means. Do I make a stand and say "or else?" that just sounds juvenile, and something that doesn't quite fit who we are and where we've come from. Do I make demands? That use to fit my personality, but I've changed, and it's not the place I want to come from any more. So I'm playing with the idea and asked the question of myself ( a trick my dad taught me before he passed on)... "Amy, what if he never gets off the road? then what?"
So this morning I find myself pondering that question once again...if he doesn't, then what?
What do I REALLY want out of my relationship? Time to get honest Amy
too much and not understanding
Posted: at 6-10-2009 12:58 PM (14 years ago) | Gistmaniac
I find that many times people have no idea, when asked directly, what they really want out of any one particular relationship. Some know, or think they know. I just raise the question this morning because I'm in the place of trying to define my own "cardinal" relationship after 28 years of being with one another. No it's not an earth shaking thing, I have come to know it is a natural progression for me and my husband to have periods where we shift and redefine what it is we're doing and what we want.
How do we know what we want? Some of these items are very clear, and some are not so clear. I know I want NO CHEATING...but to define that further takes some work. What do I mean by cheating? do I mean emotional as well as physical? do I mean I want him to never look at another woman in a segxwal way or in an admiring way? You can see how it gets very interesting when you begin to write it all out. I think many issues with couples stem from the fact that we have all these expectations of the other person, but most are unspoken and undefined and so when a general boundary gets crossed our radar goes on high alert, some times justified and many times not.
What are expectations in the relationship? This question needs to be addressed honestly from the very get go. Expectations tend to mess everything up, and once an unspoken boundary gets crossed it is very difficult to sort through what just happened if neither of you have the right tools, communication tools or otherwise.
I, myself, am reaching yet another stage of growth personally. I'm trying to figure out a way to include my husband, but that is where I get frazzled. He works in one of our businesses, over the road, and I just can't do it anymore. I'm in a place of having to define, again, who I am, what I want in my life, and what am I willing to accept. I'm almost to the point of not accepting him being on the road anymore. But recently put down on paper what that really means. Do I make a stand and say "or else?" that just sounds juvenile, and something that doesn't quite fit who we are and where we've come from. Do I make demands? That use to fit my personality, but I've changed, and it's not the place I want to come from any more. So I'm playing with the idea and asked the question of myself ( a trick my dad taught me before he passed on)... "Amy, what if he never gets off the road? then what?"
So this morning I find myself pondering that question once again...if he doesn't, then what?
What do I REALLY want out of my relationship? Time to get honest Amy
so wats your point, i think this should b posted in blogs or as an article.
Posted: at 6-10-2009 04:53 PM (14 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Honestly, that's for me to know and her to find out. :-P
gbam
gbam! on ur head....
I will never fade and I will never blend....not here to be ur friend or enemy, i say what i ave to say & i'll be out as soon as i'm done, not hard to find & not here to keep i'm the beauty that you can never sight asleep!
Posted: at 6-10-2009 07:17 PM (14 years ago) | Hero
u wont knw wat u want; until u find out u that guys r meant to be. bcos there r certain things he/she will do that will make u wonder how u get into the r/ship. for me i want love and honesty.
Posted: at 6-10-2009 07:24 PM (14 years ago) | Hero
i want a guy who loves me knowing my defects as a human. who aint trying to change who i am except its 4 my own gud, who tells me everthing n hides nothing, who fulfills my every desire... d madness of this is that i have found that guy. n he is true
Posted: at 6-10-2009 07:36 PM (14 years ago) | Newbie
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