Initial Gra Gra

The other day I was standing by the side of the road looking for an okada (i.e. a commercial motorbike to the uninitiated). Then came along this beautiful Nubian princess, a young girl who was just blossoming into delectable womanhood, say about twenty. She got quite a number of stares from the hot-blooded men in the vicinity as she crossed the road and walked towards me. I could not help but look as well as she was simply divine. Then she walked past me and flagged a passing bike. Stupid me! Was I not supposed to be looking for one too?  I had forgotten myself for I was lost in the trance of her comeliness. Indeed I was singing Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t She Lovely?” in my head. Then came the spoiler, she opened her mouth to converse with the bike man. I then heard the most guttural of voices I have ever heard! Brrrrrrrrrppp! Stevie Wonder was immediately cut off mid song and replaced by Daddy Showkey! What a voice! I was so shocked that I did not even wait to hear if she spoke proper English. All her previously good qualities just faded like breeze.

I looked back at that incident and on reflection I wonder why I should have been surprised at all because back in school my friends and I had a firm rule: we all agreed never to judge a girl by her looks because her fine looks could just be IGG – Initial Gra Gra! We made this rule simply because we got tired of being disappointed by girls. We had to protect ourselves from ‘falling’ for a girl before we got to know her better. I can not tell you the number of times when walking around on campus we would spy from afar a fair daughter of Eve only for us to start gnashing our teeth as soon as she came into full view. Sometimes it was like a physical blow. Ouch! Following such experiences I am now of the opinion that only very fine girls should wear braids, ‘million’ or not!

There was this jambite girl that came into school in my second year; she had all the guys lining up for she could easily have won Miss Faculty or Miss 100Level or some other such beauty contest. But funny enough after a while I noticed that the long line had disappeared. I sought to find out why from my sister and she asked me if I had ever spoken to her. I said no, to that she said that’s why I was still asking. I then gathered that despite her beauty, this girl could not carry out an intelligent conversation… in any language! I mean my standards may be high but not most guys’!

This is why I never met or picked up girls at clubs or parties. Why? Because for one the damn places are poorly lit which makes ALL the women present look good; and two it is ever so noisy so you cannot actually hold a decent conversation with a prospect as she can get away with monosyllabic answers like “yes”, “no” and “Smirnoff!” So IGG holds sway in such places.

Such disappointments happen in the bedroom too! I mean as a guy I have been feenin’ for this girl that looks baaad. She is hotter than fire and so on but then when we eventually get to that side of things she is a terrible let down.

And before I start reading like a caveman, ditto for men – this I know not from personal experience o! Men are also guilty. All sharp at first glance but could be as dull as a blunt knife upon closer inspection. Ladies, you feel me?