A man walked into the ladies department and said to the woman behind the counter, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"Well, there are three types," replied the clerk, "which one would you like?"
"Only three?" asked the man, "What are they?"
The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"
Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"
"It is quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.  The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is your problem?  Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade.  My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is!  I think I should be in the third grade too!"

The teacher had had enough, and took Johnny to the principal's office.  While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.  The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions, he was to go back to the first grade and behave.  The teacher agreed.

Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test

   Principal:  "What is 3 x 3?"                      Johnny: "9".
   Principal:  "What is 6 x 6?            Johnny: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know.  The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."  The principal and Johnny both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I only have two of?  Johnny, after a moment: "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?  The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny replied: pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"  Johnny: "pants."

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"  Johnny: "firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade; I missed the last four questions myself."

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coat hook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favoring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small table
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumor -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited

The doctor was examining a young blonde who was having
tremendous pain in her side.
"My dear, you have acute appendicitis," the doctor said.
The woman became quite angry and said, "Don't try hitting on
me doctor, I just want to be examined, not complimented."

   
A blond is married to this guy, and one day she leaves to go to the store and comes back to find her husband in bed with another woman.
Seeing them together, she grabs her gun and holds it to her head. Her husband yells, "no, don't!" and she replies, "shut-up, you're next!"


A blonde was at the dentist, but she refused to take off her earphones... the dentist got really pissed - he couldn't get right into her mouth - the wires were in the way, so he told her to close her eyes for a second... as she did, he pulled away the earphones and carried on working.
Thirty seconds later she was dead.
Slightly worried, and realizing it had something to do with the earphones, he picked them up and listened... he heard a gentle voice saying...
"Breath in.... and out... breathe in... and out.... and in.... and out...."


There were two blonds who wanted to build a spaceship to go to the sun. There friend said "You can't go to the sun, you'll burn to death!" The blonds replied "But we're going at night."

Adam was taking a walk in the garden of Eden, having his daily chat to God. The following
conversation took place:

Adam: Thank you so much for giving Eve to me. She's made such a difference in my life. I just have one question: Why did you have to make her so beautiful? I can't keep my eyes and my hands off her!

God: Well, Adam, I had to make her so beautiful so you could love her!

Satisfied with this Adam goes off to find Eve. The following day he was involved in another
conversation with God.

Adam: God, I understand that you had to make Eve beautiful so I could love her, but I don't
understand why you had to make her so STUPID!

God: Well, Adam, I had to make her so stupid so she could love you!!!!

before and after noon has nothing to do with which one is boy.
the boy is the one with the penis

A woman gave birth to twins.

One was a boy and one was a girl.

One was born before noon, the other was born after noon.

Which one was the boy?

Think!

Think!

The one with the penis dummy.