Wow this is touching baby, thanks a lot, Where you at?

Who be you?

Ask ram, Who wan fight?

Na u spoil me abi, I go rape you ooo

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher,
   indicating that
   "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between
   boys and girls,"
   and would his mother,"please sit down and have a talk with Johnny
   about this."
   So johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her
   bedroom,and closes the door.
   - first, johnny, I want you to take off my blouse.
   So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
   - ok, now take off my skirt...
   And he takes off her skirt.
   - now take off my bra.
   Which he does.
   - and now, johnny, please take off my panties.
   And when johnny finishes removing those, she says,
   "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"

  An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old
   girls house. One
   day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting
   the girl. He holds up
   the football and says, "See this football? Football is a boys game,
   and only boys can have a
   football!". The little girl runs into the house and cries to her
   mother, "I want a football!"
   Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her one.
   The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on
   his bike. She holds up
   the football, "Nah Nah Nah Nah". The little boy angryly points to his
   bike and says, "Oh
   yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boys bikes and you
   can't have one!" She
   runs in to mom and the next day is waiting for him on her new boys
   bike.
   The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to
   his most private of
   parts says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you
   one!!!". The next
   day he walks by and asks her, "Well, I guess I showed you!" to which
   she promptly pulls
   up her dress, points to her parts and proclaims "My mother tells me
   that as long as I have
   one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!

Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf
of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.

Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a good
opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny."

He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that
you have the Staff of Life in one hand.  What do you have in the
other?"

Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father."

It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," the doctor observed.

To the 1st mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He looks to the 2nd mother, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He looks to the 3rd mother. "Your obsession is alcohol. This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the 4th mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and says... "Come on, Dick, we're leaving!"

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
"FIRETRUCK"!!! What were you thinking?

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him?"

Five Important Qualities

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

A couple of New hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open.

HAHAHAHA, SEE OLD MAN LIKE YOU, YOU STILL DEY CLAIM NIGGA, UR MATES DON BUILD HOUSE FINISH U DEY CLAIM SAY U BE THUG FOR STREET,

ABEG FREE ME GUY.. ON LOVE

stephen153 FREE ME NAH, WHY U DEY TACKLE ME? I STEAL UR WIFE?

NO, NA phyuk YOU