@poster: Slap urself six times. I dey see U oooo

pb44444444444

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really!? Like a new-born baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

  :'( :'( :'( :'(

    My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.

    My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

    One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.

    She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

    I was in total shock and could not say a word.

    She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

    I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

    I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car.

    My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

    The moral of this story is.....

    "Always keep your condoms in your car."

When ur own commot for market nai my own go expire

e go expire when ur own don commot for market

@poster: Slap urself 3 times. just thrice

    A man came home from work and found his three
    children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

    The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

    In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

    He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

    He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

    As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

    He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

    She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do
    all day?"

    "Yes," was his incredulous reply.

    She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

 

 

    A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

    The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

    The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

    The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

    Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep.”

    “That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.” says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

    Then the shepherd says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep? “

    The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

    “You’re a consultant.” says the shepherd.

    “Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

    “No guessing required.” answered the shepherd. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don’t know crap about my business..."

    "...Now give me back my dog!"

An airliner is flying accross country, when the pilot comes on the PA to announce, "we have some bad news. One of the engines just failed and as a result, we will be delayed by 30 minutes."

    A bit later, the pilot returns, "we have some more bad news. Another engine just failed, and we will be delayed an additional hour."

    Another bit later, "Sorry folks, more bad news. A third engine just failed, and so, since we will be running only on the one remaining engine, the flight will be delayed by another two hours."

    At this point, a disgruntled passenger turns to his neighbor and says, "I sure hope that last engine keeps working or else we'll be up here all night!"

Teacher: John, why are you so late ?
John: I was throwing stones into the river.
Teacher:Okaay, well take your seat.
Teacher:Bob, why are you also late ?
Bob: i was also throwing stones into the river.
Teacher: gr, well, sit down.
New Boy walks in ;
Teacher: oh so you're our new student. whats your name? and why are you all wet?
New boy: My name is Stones.
Teacher: oh..

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"'Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads!"

thank God say i no reach here

it's obvious say d poster dey frustrated. Make una sack ancelptti and bring back Guss Hiddink not Mourinho

hahahahaha

seen b4

Nice1 poster