One woman i know has been married for 4 years, they been together for 5. Last week
she came to my house telling me her husband wants to divorce. When i asked for his reasons, she said
he found out something about her past, which she was very ashamed of and she never had the the liver
to tell him about it. When she was 5 years old her father started segxwally abusing her, forced her to play
with his private part till he was satisfied. She only told this to her mother and grandmother, and after all
those years she has forgiven the father for his evil act. BUT the husband said he can no longer be part of
this wicked and sick family, he wants a divorce! They have 1 child together.
--> Pals, what is your thought/advice on this ?

--> Do u consider ur partners past before marrying him/her? What would u do in this situation ?

Post Reply

Posted: at 13-06-2012 07:48 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

it depends........but 4rm my own personal view dis kind of issue is not d type dat can result divorce.....not afta d marriage has produced 1 child already........., unless dia is sumtin else dat she didnt tell u.......My advise is tell ur friend 2 plead wit her husband and make him understand dat it was not her fault dat she engaged in d act.......also make her see reason why they shuld be 2geda........she can even get him through his best friend or any1 she knew dat he listens 2......at least she can do dat 4 d sake of her child and 2 save her marriage as well...............but if afta d plea.., the man insisted on divorce den she shuld allow let him go 2 hell if he wishes.........dat is not d end of d road 4 her.......it may even open a beta door 4 her.....I rest my case

Posted: at 13-06-2012 08:18 PM (11 years ago) | Hero

the past is no problem if she doesn't let me find out myself.

Posted: at 13-06-2012 08:20 PM (11 years ago) | Upcoming

it depends........but 4rm my own personal view dis kind of issue is not d type dat can result divorce.....not afta d marriage has produced 1 child already........., unless dia is sumtin else dat she didnt tell u.......My advise is tell ur friend 2 plead wit her husband and make him understand dat it was not her fault dat she engaged in d act.......also make her see reason why they shuld be 2geda........she can even get him through his best friend or any1 she knew dat he listens 2......at least she can do dat 4 d sake of her child and 2 save her marriage as well...............but if afta d plea.., the man insisted on divorce den she shuld allow let him go 2 hell if he wishes.........dat is not d end of d road 4 her.......it may even open a beta door 4 her.....I rest my case

Agreed.

Posted: at 13-06-2012 08:21 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

i think d guy has been lookin' for a way out of d relationship...
d lady was a victim nd a child...if any thing her husband should feel compassion for her..
its sad he wants to leave her for something dat wasnt her fault...silly man!

Posted: at 13-06-2012 08:25 PM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac

i think d guy has been lookin' for a way out of d relationship...
d lady was a victim nd a child...if any thing her husband should feel compassion for her..
its sad he wants to leave her for something dat wasnt her fault...silly man!

Som men are very heartless. I also thought there was more behind d story, but
she said their marriage has bin so sweet ever since. Its like he just freaked out over dis stuff 

Posted: at 13-06-2012 08:28 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

Som men are very heartless. I also thought there was more behind d story, but
she said their marriage has bin so sweet ever since. Its like he just freaked out over dis stuff 

yes, some men can...dat y i have a zero tolerance for nonsense!...

well, i hope hes just over reactin' nd will come back to his senses...if not, d lady should just let him go...

Posted: at 13-06-2012 08:31 PM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac

yes, some men can...dat y i have a zero tolerance for nonsense!...

well, i hope hes just over reactin' nd will come back to his senses...if not, d lady should just let him go...

I hope so cos i nvr seen her like dis bfor..She luv dis man die

Posted: at 13-06-2012 08:33 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

C'on nw datz not enough reason 2 file 4 a divorce..well I don't think d man rily love dat lady.

Posted: at 13-06-2012 09:34 PM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac

C'on nw datz not enough reason 2 file 4 a divorce..well I don't think d man rily love dat lady.

Posted: at 13-06-2012 09:35 PM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac

Well, if this woman can keep that of secret from him then she has more secret to reveal. She should have told him about it during their courtship. I also think that the lady didn't tell u everything that resulted to her husband's reaction. But the man is being immature that is if this is the only secret that was revealed to him.
 However, on my own side, I must know about the past of my spouse to b b4 I get agree to marry him. I mean I am not some1 who like to judge people but I must knw about his past.

Posted: at 13-06-2012 09:36 PM (11 years ago) | Hero

We learn as children that "Honesty is the best policy" but is that always the case? Maybe this is true the majority of the time, but what about when it comes to your relationship with your significant other? I don't think anyone would want to start a new relationship with lies.  Sometimes, honesty can do more harm than good. Not to mention, everyone is entitled to withhold one or two secrets from their partners, right?

The Husband to your friend has gone far way beyond what is suppose to be...cos There's no rule regarding how much you should divulge about your past encounters/segxwal encounters. Some couples decide to clear the air and divulge every little dirty detail. This can go one of two ways: either the couple will laugh it off or one (or both) partner(s) is left feeling very uncomfortable. It's not about keeping secrets from your partner; it's knowing whether or not it is something that is even worth telling your partner. Nobody is asking you to go into details about your high school crush; however, discussing your previous long-term relationships with your partner can have several benefits. Sometimes the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. ...If you honestly believe that something is irrelevant to your current relationship, keep it to yourself. After all, a little mystery can go a long way in relationships! THERE ARE MORE TO HIS WANTING A DIVORCE

Posted: at 14-06-2012 10:13 AM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

it depends........but 4rm my own personal view dis kind of issue is not d type dat can result divorce.....not afta d marriage has produced 1 child already........., unless dia is sumtin else dat she didnt tell u.......My advise is tell ur friend 2 plead wit her husband and make him understand dat it was not her fault dat she engaged in d act.......also make her see reason why they shuld be 2geda........she can even get him through his best friend or any1 she knew dat he listens 2......at least she can do dat 4 d sake of her child and 2 save her marriage as well...............but if afta d plea.., the man insisted on divorce den she shuld allow let him go 2 hell if he wishes.........dat is not d end of d road 4 her.......it may even open a beta door 4 her.....I rest my case

WISELY SAID MY PRINCE CHARMING!!

Posted: at 14-06-2012 10:21 AM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac

We learn as children that "Honesty is the best policy" but is that always the case? Maybe this is true the majority of the time, but what about when it comes to your relationship with your significant other? I don't think anyone would want to start a new relationship with lies.  Sometimes, honesty can do more harm than good. Not to mention, everyone is entitled to withhold one or two secrets from their partners, right?

The Husband to your friend has gone far way beyond what is suppose to be...cos There's no rule regarding how much you should divulge about your past encounters/segxwal encounters. Some couples decide to clear the air and divulge every little dirty detail. This can go one of two ways: either the couple will laugh it off or one (or both) partner(s) is left feeling very uncomfortable. It's not about keeping secrets from your partner; it's knowing whether or not it is something that is even worth telling your partner. Nobody is asking you to go into details about your high school crush; however, discussing your previous long-term relationships with your partner can have several benefits. Sometimes the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. ...If you honestly believe that something is irrelevant to your current relationship, keep it to yourself. After all, a little mystery can go a long way in relationships! THERE ARE MORE TO HIS WANTING A DIVORCE

Nice one babe 

Posted: at 14-06-2012 10:23 AM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON...EITHER THE MAN IS FEED UP WITH THE MARRIAGE OR HE NEVER REALLY LOVED THE WIFE AFTER ALL...THIS IS A LAME EXCUESS FOR A DIVORCE!!!....THIS IS WHY I ALWAYS SAY IT'S BEST TO BE HONEST IN ALL REALATIONSHIP..IT'S BETTER TO TELL YOUR OTHER HALF CERTAIN THINGS IN YOUR PAST SOON AS THE RELATIONSHIP IS GETTING SEROIUSE SO AS TO PREVENT SORRY EXCUESS OF MEN SUCH AS THIS FELLOW RIGHT HERE USING IT AGAINST US IN THE FUTURE!!

Posted: at 14-06-2012 10:29 AM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac

Well, if this woman can keep that of secret from him then she has more secret to reveal. She should have told him about it during their courtship. I also think that the lady didn't tell u everything that resulted to her husband's reaction. But the man is being immature that is if this is the only secret that was revealed to him.
 However, on my own side, I must know about the past of my spouse to b b4 I get agree to marry him. I mean I am not some1 who like to judge people but I must knw about his past.

She just felt so ashamed of the whole thing,, she cudn tell her husband.

Posted: at 14-06-2012 10:30 AM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON...EITHER THE MAN IS FEED UP WITH THE MARRIAGE OR HE NEVER REALLY LOVED THE WIFE AFTER ALL...THIS IS A LAME EXCUESS FOR A DIVORCE!!!....THIS IS WHY I ALWAYS SAY IT'S BEST TO BE HONEST IN ALL REALATIONSHIP..IT'S BETTER TO TELL YOUR OTHER HALF CERTAIN THINGS IN YOUR PAST SOON AS THE RELATIONSHIP IS GETTING SEROIUSE SO AS TO PREVENT SORRY EXCUESS OF MEN SUCH AS THIS FELLOW RIGHT HERE USING IT AGAINST US IN THE FUTURE!!

Honesty is very important but this is not lying to me, she couldn't tell her husband out of

shame, which i can understand. She never told anybody except her mom nd granny.

Posted: at 14-06-2012 10:34 AM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

tell the man to see me for further counselling

Posted: at 14-06-2012 10:36 AM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

tell the man to see me for further counselling

 

Posted: at 14-06-2012 10:41 AM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

[i think d guy has been lookin' for a way out of d relationship.]

i think d guy has been lookin' for a way out of d relationship...
d lady was a victim nd a child...if any thing her husband should feel compassion for her..
its sad he wants to leave her for something dat wasnt her fault...silly man!

exactly

Posted: at 14-06-2012 10:41 AM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

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