10 things parents shouldn’t say to their kids

Date: 12-05-2012 4:42 am (9 years ago) | Author: psalmmy
[1] 2
- at 12-05-2012 04:42 AM (9 years ago)
(m)
It’s so difficult being a modern parent: trying to navigate through the linguistic minefield unscathed is a daily challenge.

There are all these things we’re not supposed to say to  children any more for fear of doing some damage that will cost them a fortune in therapy down the line.



The trouble is, we tend to say things our parents said to us, and often the things they said are exactly the things you’re not supposed to say.

We asked parents for their suggestions on  the non-PC things we shouldn’t be saying to our kids. Here’s our top 10.

1. “Don’t be silly, there’s no need to be scared of…”

This undermines and disregards a child’s fears. Speaking as someone who was raised in a house filled with “don’t be sillys” I’d say it left me tougher but  very scornful of other people’s “silly” things.

2. “Stop being so sensitive!”

This was suggested by many parents who put forward similar thoughts. By telling a child not to cry or not to react a certain way, it may feel like you’re comforting them, but actually you’re just telling them their emotions aren’t valid.

3. “You’re naughty!”

People tend to live up to their labels, so if you tell a child its bad it just teaches them that they are made the wrong way. Instead, you are supposed to say that certain types behaviour is naughty – not your child. Anything else that labels a child – stop being mean, you’re clumsy etc – is equally unhelpful.

4. “I’ll shoot you”

This one comes courtesy of Megan P whose father-in-law says it to her boys whilst pointing his fingers like a gun. Apparently, he used to say it to his own children too when they did something naughty. They  used to simply retort “no you won’t” before running off.

5. “You’re so clever!”

A few parents suggested this. Jason S tells his daughter that she worked hard at something and he’s proud of her and Elissa P says “you’ve practised so much you’ve got really good at that”.

6. “Don’t you look pretty!”

This is one comes from Angela M. “I’ll tell my daughter she looks smart, that she looks refined, that her hair really suits her, that her outfit is lovely, and any variation thereof, but I never tell her she looks pretty. I don’t want her thinking that in order to be worth something she needs to be “pretty”. If you wouldn’t say it to a boy you shouldn’t say it to a girl – I don’t want to tie her self-worth to her physical appearance. I know too many women with eating disorders.” Makes sense, but then again, Dawn French always says that her confidence comes from being told daily that she was pretty, so who knows what’s right?

7. “That’s brilliant, well done!”

“Obviously, I’m not suggesting you never praise your child,” says Marie F, mother-of-two and a company director, “but there’s now a whole generation of 20-somethings who have been so over-praised that they’re a nightmare to employ. They want positive reinforcement for every little job, and they consider things like promotions and pay rises something they’re entitled to.” But it’s not all doom and gloom: “they also tend to have strong entrepreneurial qualities and think anything is possible, so maybe you have to take the rough with the smooth”.

8. “I’m too busy!”

A friend Jones assures us that following this by “but we’ll do it later” (and sticking to it) IS allowed. Regularly telling a child you don’t have time for them just teaches them that you’re not available for them and you’re not really interested.

9. “I don’t believe you!”

Back in the 80s, Sesame Street had a storyline where no one believed that Big Bird’s imaginary friend “My Snuffleupagus” was real. But with a string of reports of children not being believed when they told parents or carers about abuse, the writers decided that the adults had to meet the woolly mammoth. If you think your child is telling lies, it’s better to try to get to the truth without saying you don’t believe them.

10. “What you did made mummy sad”

Lisa G suggested this one, which is likely to divide parents. Some mothers love this as a gentler-sounding alternative to threats or punishments, but Lisa feels that it burdens a child with responsibility for your  emotions: “they’ll feel like it’s their fault if you’re not always happy, and that’s a lot to put on a child”.

What do you think? Have you ever told your child he’s naughty or that she looks pretty? Are we all just  worrying too much about nothing or do you think it’s all sound advice?

Posted: at 12-05-2012 04:42 AM (9 years ago) | Upcoming
- Naijaneedfood at 12-05-2012 06:58 AM (9 years ago)
(m)
HAHAHAHAHHA POSTER I NEVER HAVE KIDS YET Tongue Tongue Tongue Tongue Tongue Tongue Tongue Tongue Tongue Tongue Tongue
Posted: at 12-05-2012 06:58 AM (9 years ago) | Upcoming
Reply
- osamabinladin at 12-05-2012 07:20 AM (9 years ago)
(m)
noted for the future
Posted: at 12-05-2012 07:20 AM (9 years ago) | Hero
Reply
- victory18 at 12-05-2012 07:23 AM (9 years ago)
(f)
no 7 is wrong u hv to praise ur kids for them to do better than wat they hv done b4

Posted: at 12-05-2012 07:23 AM (9 years ago) | Upcoming
Reply
- frank_f at 12-05-2012 07:44 AM (9 years ago)
(m)
Ten things? that means i will stop talking to my children completely....
                       phyuk who post this post...         
Posted: at 12-05-2012 07:44 AM (9 years ago) | Upcoming
Reply
- ogechifavour26 at 12-05-2012 09:10 AM (9 years ago)
(f)
Poster u no try at all... Angry Angry Angry Angry Angry Angry Angry Angry One can say all dat 2 kidz according 2 situations at hand.
Posted: at 12-05-2012 09:10 AM (9 years ago) | Newbie
Reply
- rolifaith at 12-05-2012 09:33 AM (9 years ago)
(f)
incorrect post. Huh? Huh? Huh?
Posted: at 12-05-2012 09:33 AM (9 years ago) | Upcoming
Reply
- Solidstonez at 12-05-2012 10:16 AM (9 years ago)
(f)
BRB

Posted: at 12-05-2012 10:16 AM (9 years ago) | Addicted Hero
Reply
- Adikpe at 12-05-2012 11:04 AM (9 years ago)
(m)
I was expecting to see "THE DAY YOU DO THIS OR THAT I WILL KILL YOU" OR "THE DAY A GUY WILL TOUCH YOU, YOU WILL GET PREGNANT". etc. Such things makes children hides things from their parents and also make them to find out whether what they were told is true or not, thereby making them to try and do what they are not supposed to do.

I think, the poster should review this post, it's not too cool!
Posted: at 12-05-2012 11:04 AM (9 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- babydesire at 12-05-2012 01:03 PM (9 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: frank_f on 12-05-2012 07:44 AM
Ten things? that means i will stop talking to my children completely....
                       fcuk who post this post...         

Abi oo......
Posted: at 12-05-2012 01:03 PM (9 years ago) | Upcoming
Reply
- proly at 12-05-2012 01:58 PM (9 years ago)
(f)
cool
Posted: at 12-05-2012 01:58 PM (9 years ago) | Hero
Reply
- Neglito at 12-05-2012 03:55 PM (9 years ago)
(m)
Spare the rod and spoil the child, thus says the lord!!
Posted: at 12-05-2012 03:55 PM (9 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- malvin2525 at 12-05-2012 04:11 PM (9 years ago)
(m)
 Lips Sealed
Posted: at 12-05-2012 04:11 PM (9 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- Senegal at 12-05-2012 08:54 PM (9 years ago)
(m)
Thanks
Posted: at 12-05-2012 08:54 PM (9 years ago) | Hero
Reply
- zoe61 at 12-05-2012 10:09 PM (9 years ago)
(f)
not cool
Posted: at 12-05-2012 10:09 PM (9 years ago) | Hero
Reply
- lee22 at 13-05-2012 01:54 PM (9 years ago)
(f)
 Undecided
Posted: at 13-05-2012 01:54 PM (9 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- aliaaz at 13-05-2012 05:56 PM (9 years ago)
(m)
k

Posted: at 13-05-2012 05:56 PM (9 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- Idbabe at 14-05-2012 11:35 AM (8 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: frank_f on 12-05-2012 07:44 AM
Ten things? that means i will stop talking to my children completely....
                       fcuk who post this post...         


Me sef tire oooo.  Those are the things they need to hear and sit up
Posted: at 14-05-2012 11:35 AM (8 years ago) | Hero
Reply
- Bettygirls at 14-05-2012 05:04 PM (8 years ago)
(f)
it depends on the situation but i seriously disagree with u on point 7, people like to be praised even u.i praise and congratulate my children, encourage them so that they continue to do good and even im
Posted: at 14-05-2012 05:04 PM (8 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- kaycee22 at 14-05-2012 09:08 PM (8 years ago)
(m)
WASTED PAGE.....am out..................
Posted: at 14-05-2012 09:08 PM (8 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
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