> London Underground has maintained its drivers. Some
> say that passenger's would not trust the driver-less trains,
> others say it is pressure from the unions.
>
> Yet other cynics say that the trains are actually
> automatic, and the drivers are just there to re-assure the
> passengers. This theory is borne out by some of these
> tannoy messages allegedly spoken by London underground
> drivers.
>
> 1) What do the Drivers Know?
>
> "We are now travelling through The Angel Islington station,
> as you can see The Angel Islington is closed. It would have
> been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you,
> but no, they don't think about things like that"
>
> This train will NOT be stopping at Moorgate station. I
> repeat, this train will NOT stop at Moorgate"…………,
> "Ladies and gentlemen...this train IS stopping at Moorgate,
> and of course I'm the last to know"
>
> 2) No Begging
>
> "Please note that begging is not permitted in any part of
> London Underground. However, to the gentleman busking
> away happily next to the escalators, please carry on and
> enjoy yourself. The transport police have been called and
> should be with you shortly..."
>
> "Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT
> encourage these professional beggars, if you have any spare
> change, please give it to a registered charity, failing
> that, give it to me!"
>
> 3) Zany London Tube Drivers add Spice to the Journey
>
> "We are taking the scenic route to Barking on the District
> Line. We will be stopping at all stations to Barking
> with the exception of Cannon Street. This train does
> not stop there on Saturdays due to ....(PAUSE) ...total lack
> of interest."
>
> "This is Paddington Station. Please leave your valuables on
> the train and I will collect them at the end of my shift."
>
> "Hello this is the captain of your Uxbridge train speaking,
> and we will be departing shortly. Please note that we
> will be cruising at an altitude of approximately zero feet,
> and our scheduled arrival time in Uxbridge is 11:15pm. The
> temperature in Uxbridge is a cool 10 degrees Celsius, and
> Uxbridge is in the same time zone as Aldgate, so there's no
> need to adjust your watches."
>
> "May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no
> smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if
> you are smoking a joint it is only fair that you pass it
> round the rest of the carriage".
>
> 4) Drivers out of Control?
>
> "To the gentleman wearing sporting the pin-striped suit
> trying to get in to the third carriage, what part of 'stand
> clear of the doors' don't you understand?"
>
> "Covent Garden has been closed due overcrowding. Please
> alight at Leicester Square and wander around aimlessly with
> your huge rucksacks until you get to your destination. You
> never know, they might install escalators one day!"
>
> "Would the lady going down the escalator please lower her
> umbrella, it doesn't rain underground."
>
> "Please let the passengers off the train"……… "Please
> let the passengers off the train first"………. "PLEASE
> let the passengers off the train first"…….. "let the
> passengers off the train FIRST!"…... "Go on then, stuff
> yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I'm going
> home."
>
> Footnote:
> The world's first ungrounded train opened on January 10th
> 1863. It was a Metropolitan line stretch between
> Paddington and Farrington.
>
> =================================================================
| Posted: at | |
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