Men, Women And Finance In Relationships

Financial issues are always cited as one of the top reasons for conflicts in relationships. A slowed economy can heighten these issues and endanger the stability of your partnership.
Couples often don’t establish an open communication pattern around money and so, when this issue arrives, it becomes a very sensitive subject matter. I have always seen men claim to so much be in love with their partner, but once it comes to the issue of money, she is left in the dark. A good number of men believe their wife shouldn’t know how much they are worth. You don’t know what love is.
A typical Nigerian man does not love for better for worse. That confession does not apply when money is mentioned. It is really sad seeing my fellow women move about town in rags and cheap clothes while their husbands wear the best designer clothes. Some men dress so well during parties, but when you look behind them (a typical Nigerian man does not walk behind his wife), you see a wretched looking woman in her buba and iro.
You keep preaching to her to dress like a responsible and godly woman while your girlfriend is out there taking your every breath away with her style. Oga, she can dress well and sexy and still remain godly. You may not know this because of your selfish nature, but just a look at your wife says it all about you when it comes to caring.
I have seen men buy BMW X6 for their girlfriend while their wife moves around town in old Nissan Quest. Your wife should get double of what you give to the girl outside. Your wife asks for money for food, you don’t have it, but let the girl ask for money for her shopping and you close your account for her.
I am not talking about women who spend their own income because the man doesn’t care. A good number of men whose wives dress well don’t know how they get whatever they wear. No matter how much your wife earns, you are still bound by law to take care of her. It is unfortunate seeing men leave the woman with so much burden at home simply because he doesn’t want her to have her savings. I am of the opinion that a woman should contribute to the home, but please don’t transfer your own obligation as the man to her.
Things are getting tougher by the day. There is a lot of pressure on the man to provide for both the immediate and extended families. Guys, it is time you get over your cave man instinct and realise that the days of you being the sole provider are long gone. It is time you allow your woman engage in something to help the home financially.
I have seen men who cannot provide sufficiently for the home. They know it is weighing them down, but still they insist on the woman being a full time housewife. I wonder what you want to make out of her. Always have this in mind: your wife was not born just to pass the earth a wife and mother. The earlier you realise this the better for the both of you. She has something in her for the world. She was born with potential for a time as this. You as the man in her life should help bring out the best in her. Don’t let low self-esteem ruin the wife entrusted in your care.
I know so many women, especially my fellow Igbo, want to be called “Oriaku”. They just enjoy being kept at home with a good ride for them to move from house to house spreading rumours. They are just another set of furniture at home. It is time men allow women to become the “Odoziaku” that God has called them to become. Give me the whole world, without the freedom to use my brain, I will never value and appreciate you. A real man should be able to bring out my God-given talents and help me use them for humanity; I thank God for that kind of man in my life.
Some men go the extent of stopping their wives from having a bank account. You are just too timid. Plan your home, stop making her write market list and submit to your cashier every day before money is released. Give her the housekeeping money in bulk. Let her open a bank account, how she handles it shouldn’t be your business. What should bother you is for you not to lack anything.
There is also this other category of men, yes, they don’t want their wives to be full time housewives, but because of low self esteem and lack of trust which in most cases has to do with the man not trusting himself, he opens a shop for her next to his own spare parts shop. These men tell their force their wives into businesses they may not have any flair for and the woman in her humble nature accepts it like that. You are killing the woman.
Before you do anything of that nature for a woman, find out what she has passion for. I ordinarily would have made a first or second class upper in school, but because I was with a man who stopped me from becoming a medical doctor that I wanted to become, I felt there was no need working hard in the faculty of education. I made a second class lower, but with training, I still find myself in a job that has to do with the human body.
It is sad that a lot of Nigerian women are dying in silence. A woman is forced to do a job she is not interested in. The man buys a car without even trying to find out what his wife likes. Oga, it is time you start treating your wife as a partner that she is. Before you buy that next car, please find out her choice. Before you set up that business, find out what she wants to do. Stop feeling that other men are going to take her away from you. Stop allowing your human senses deceive you. She loves you and won’t trade you for anything. One thing you need to know is that a woman can do whatever she wants to do even right under your nose. If you don’t handle her well, that thing you fear most will come upon you. Let her be.
I have seen men who will never let their wives travel alone. Your problem is that you commit a lot of atrocities whenever you go on that business trip and that has made you believe that the way you mess up with other men’s wives is the way men will rock your own wife. He who kills by the sword never allows the sword pass behind him.
The third category are men who will allow their wives work but gives her no peace at work. Haven’t you seen men go to their wives business place to insult her? This category of men needs serious psychological work. These ones will call their wives ten times before the end of the day pretending to be so much in love. We know your game, you are not in love. You only want to know where she is.
I was sometime in a relationship where the guy wants you to leave your clients and important meetings just to answer his call. Most times when I don’t answer, I returned the calls immediately I return to my table. Guess what his response is; “who is that client that you cannot leave to take my call, I own you and that job”. On getting home, I would be locked out to sleep outside the gate. What an example of a typical Nigerian man?
Guys, please let your woman have her peace while at work. She loves her job and if you think you love her, makes her become the best in that office. You may not know it, but women struggle to do well in their chosen careers because they want you to be proud of them. Encourage them.
I know there are women who trade the comfort of their man and children for money. I have always spoken to women on certain kinds of job a married woman shouldn’t engage in. Take the banking sector for an example. There is this madness of target. Even married women are not left out because they are pushed to the point whereby they begin to lose control of themselves.
If you can afford it, peacefully talk to your banker wife on the need for a change of job. Make her see reasons with you, not your selfish reasons. If your kids are still very small, primary school children, you have a good reason. But when they are all in a boarding house and universities, you have no good reason. But if you can afford a bigger, better job for her, do it for her, don’t make her feel miserable after leaving her job.
When you have a wife who does business or has a job, don’t forget that she is a human being like you. There are times when she will be so weighed down and mentally exhausted. There are times that nothing is moving for her. A good husband should be able to study the wife like a book, cover to cover, and understand her different moods.
The mistake most men make is being too fast with a conclusion. She comes home late from work after driving through the regular Lagos traffic. You as a CEO have been home since 4 p.m, rested well and as she comes to lie down for some rest, you start demanding sex. Her saying no is not because she is wayward or is no longer in love with you. She is totally down and needs a very caring you to get her up.
Some other group find it more ethical having their brother in control of their business while their wife sits at home. This is one reason widows from the eastern part of the country become miserable after the death of their husbands. That your brother, who has made you believe he has your interest at heart, may not be the right person for that position.
Once you close your eyes in death, your wife and children are left to suffer. I have always advised every man who cares to know to make sure he has a will. We don’t know whose death comes first but it is widely believed that the man dies first because of the burden placed upon him by our culture. Some men feel they don’t need it because writing it means preparing for their death. Oga, death is inevitable. It is your lack of exposure that is making you feel it is not necessary. But you can ignore this warning if you feel widows should suffer at the death of their husbands.