Things From Nollywood

THINGS WE'VE LEARNT FROM NOLLYWOOD
>
> 1. Every problem you have is spiritual.

>
> 2. In every romance movie, someone must die.
>
> 3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
>
> 4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
>
> 5. Poisoned food always tastes better.
>
> 6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo' / joining a
> cult / sleeping with rich men.
>
> 7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
>
> 8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death!
>
> 9. With a pastor ... all things are possible.
>
> 10. A movie can be titled anything... such as:
>
> *The boy is mine,
> * Face me, I face you
> *Two rats,
> *Spanner,
> *Calculator,
> *Igala,
> *Ijele,
> *Igodo,
> *Igudu
> *Shigidi
>
> 11. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress
> has not 'shelled', twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics'.
>
>
>
> 12. You are in love... you want to take your girl out, the
> best place you take her to is...
> *Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you'll most probably see an
> ex while feeding each other.
> *The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey
> and carry her playfully.
> *Or the best: take her to buy some new ugly clothes.
>
> 13. An Igbo movie has been made if:
>
> * You visit a Dibia (Babalawo)
> * A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a
> total of half of the movie time.
> * Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Edochie is there
> too!
> * To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult

> 14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same!
>
> 15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with
> the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all!!! (Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it
> just narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for suspense
> and intrigue!)
>

> 16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have
> one or two of the following actresses-
>
> * Stella Damascus
> * Stephanie Okereke
> * Genevieve Nnaji
> * Omotola Jalade
> * Rita Dominic
>
> 17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their
> counterparts in real life.
>
> 18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a
> year and even in longer flashbacks.
>
> 19. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night!
>
> 20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't
> matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!
>
> 21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout
> because... people are deaf?
>
> 22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to
> afford-a beautiful house, very good furniture, T.V., nice clothes,
> but you won't be able to send your kids to school.
>
> 23. Most especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman must be
> inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a freak, be rude to all
> your visitors and never mind his business.
>
> 24. the bad guy always dies or gets caught by none other
> than the police- LOL!!!!
>
> 25. At the end of a three hour movie you'll be reminded
> that THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING... WATCH OUT FOR PART 2!
>
> 26. An actor must also sweat profusely when crying.
>
> 27. An actor announces his death as he slowly dies- "You
> killed me" "I'm dying" "I'm dead"
>
> 28. In a case where a person is on his death bed, he/she
> must cough till they die.
>
> 29. Every ghost must wear a white cloth and have powder
> unevenly distributed on their face.
>
> 30. No matter the type of movie...TO GOD BE THE GLORY...

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Posted: at 29-09-2010 05:33 PM (14 years ago) | Newbie

20. When you are sick in the brain, it really doesn't
matter; your ass will be bandaged! Same for your kidney!

Posted: at 1-10-2010 07:07 PM (14 years ago) | Gistmaniac