he get from the ducks? AAAAA Quackers Which animal on Noah's Ark had the highest level of intelligence? AAAAA The Giraffe When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible? AAAAA When Noah took Ham into the ark. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark? AAAAA Because they were using "fowl" language. How many people went on board the Ark before Noah? AAAAA Three, because it says "... and Noah went forth" JOKES LOT'S WIFE Lot's last words to his wife? AAAAA ...Honey, is someone following OR Why was a woman in the Bible turned into a pillar of salt? AAAAA Because she was dissatisfied with her Lot. GENERAL BIBLE JOKES Why should we all be encouraged by the story of Jonah and the whale? AAAAA Because, Jonah was down in the mouth, but came out all right. Why was everyone in Biblical times so poor? AAAAA Because there was only one Job!.. How long did Cain dislike his brother? AAAAA As long as he was Abel.********* A Joke about a Pastor A pastor decided to visit his church members one Saturday. At one
particular house it was clear to the pastor that someone was home, but
nobody came to the door. The pastor knocked several times and finally
took out his card and wrote on the back: Revelation 3:20 - "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears
my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him and he
with me." The next day the same card showed up in the collection plate. Below the
pastors message was another scripture passage. It read Genesis 3:10 - "I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid
because I was naked and I hid myself." ********* Where in the Bible does it say that men do the dishes? AAAAA 2 Kings 21:13 "...and I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down to dry." What was Noah's greatest worry? AAAAA The pair of mosquitoes. What's the greatest case of constipation in the Bible? AAAAA Satan the devil. Revelation says he will be bound up for a thousand years! (Rev 20:2 KJV) Where is the first example of cannibalism in the Bible? AAAAA Two Kings Ate One! Who is the shortest person in the Bible? AAAAA Bildad the Shuhite! . . . or . . . AAAAAA Knee High Miah! . . .or . . . AAAAAAA Peter (when he slept on his watch) . . . or . . AAAAAAAA Jesus (when He spoke on a mustard seed) Who is the largest woman in the Bible? AAAAA The woman of Some area (Samaria Jn 4) How do we know Moses wore a wig? AAAAA Sometimes he was with Aaron and sometimes he wasn't! When is the first food fight mentioned in the Bible? AAAAA "I looked and behold a flying roll!" (Zech 5:1 KJV) Do you know the phone number for the Garden of Eden? AAAAA Adam 8-1-2! Who was the first drug addict in the Bible? AAAAA Nebuchadnezzar. He was on grass for seven years. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? AAAAA 1). Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a FURY. AAAAAA 2). David's TRIUMPH was heard throughout the land. AAAAAAA 3). HONDA...because the apostles were all in one Accord. AAAAAAAA 4). 2 Corinthians 4 v 8 describes going out in service maybe in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not
crushed." Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? AAAAA Samson. He brought the house down. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? AAAAA In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels
were rained out. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden? AAAAA They were really put out. Why couldn't Noah's wife and sons play cards on the Ark? AAAAA Because Noah sat on the deck. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were
kicked out? AAAAA They really raised Cain. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived
in Eden? AAAAA Your mother ate us out of house and home. The ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window to let
light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories? AAAAA They used floodlights. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? AAAAA David. He rocked Goliath to sleep. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot? AAAAA The thought had never entered his head before. What do they call pastors in Germany? AAAAA German Shepherds. What is the best way to get to Paradise? AAAAA Turn right and go straight. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the
Bible? AAAAA Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments at once. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? AAAAA The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? AAAAA Because in Job 16:12 we read, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck
and proceeded to smash me." Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? AAAAA When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court. Where was the first cricket match mentioned in the Bible? AAAAA At Pentecost when Peter stood up with the eleven and was bowled. (bold)!!. Did you know that Paul was the 1st surfer in the Bible? AAAAA Remember in Acts when he "came ashore on a board"!. How do we know that the disciples were very cruel to the corn? AAAAA Because they pulled it's ears. Which Bible character had no parents? AAAAA (1) Joshua, son of Nun AAAAAA (2) Jonah, because he was brought up by a whale. How do they make holy water? AAAAA They boil the hell out of it! ************ A minister was talking to a children's Sunday School class about kindness
to animals. He spoke about the Biblical references to substantiate his
case.
"Now let's suppose," he said, " that you saw a bad person cutting off the
tail of a cat. What Biblical quotatio would you use to tell him of the
terrible wrong he was doing?" "Sir, I would point out to him," one of the students said, "What God hath
joined together, let no man put asunder. (Matthew. 19:v6)"5
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