this guy for come marry me o lol but i i wish him luck sha

omggg! this is very sad

i dint c nuffin

A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class.

He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God.

Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall.

Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine - just released from active duty and newly registered in the class - walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform.

The professor was out cold! At first, the students were shocked and babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silent.

The class fell silent...waiting.

Eventually, the professor came to, shaken he looked at the young Marine in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked: "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

"God was busy. He sent the Marines."

There are four doctors dicussing what types of patients they like to work on the best.

"I like to work on librarians the best." said Doctor 1. "All their insides are alphabetically ordered."

"I like to work on artists the best." Said Doctor2. "All their insides are color coded."

"I like mathematicians the best. Their insides are all numbered." Doctor 3 says. They all turn to Doctor 4.

"I like working on politicians the best." He says. At their quzzical looks, he explains. "They're heartless, mindless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and asses are interchangable."

A gay walks into a bar and he goes up to the bartender and he says" I will bet you $500 dollers that I can piss into a beer bottle from 50 feet away and not get a single drop on the floor". The bartender takes the bet thinking there is no way he could lose the bet. So the gay pisses all over the place. He doesn't get a single drop of piss into the beer bottle. The bartender says " You lost the bet. Give me my $500 dollars". The gay said " Thats ok, because I bet my friends outside $1,000 dollars that I could piss all over your bar and get away with it. 

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time, " said the boy.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

roflmao..dey both guilty nwyz

@ corah i feel u gurl...infact d line wud b everly busy considering how much sinners

thnx rezimero...i tot as much..yal wont borther goin in d religious seg. if it was there @ zie i suppose ur a budhist?lol cuz i dont gt it it is God were talkin bout here...protectin u, protectin evry1...aint u just lucky? am no preacher am just aprreciating him dats all

A girl went to a party and

she ended up staying longer than

planned,

and

had to walk home alone. She wasn't

afraid

because it was a small town and she lived

only

a

few blocks away.



As she walked along under the tall elm

trees,

Diane asked God to keep her safe from

harm

and

danger.



When she reached the alley, which was a

short

cut to her house, she decided to take it.



However, halfway down the alley she

noticed

a

man standing at the end as though he

were

waiting

for her.



She became uneasy and began to pray,

asking

for

God's protection.



Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness

and

security wrapped round her, she felt as

though

someone was walking with her.



When she reached the end of the alley,

she

walked right past the man and arrived

home

safely.



The following day, she read in the

newspaper

that

a young girl had been raped in the same

alley

just

twenty minutes after she had been there.



Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and

the

fact

that it could have been her, she began to

weep.



Thanking the Lord for her safety and to

help

this

young woman, she decided to go to the

police

station.



She felt she could recognize the man, so

she

told

them her story.



The police asked her if she would be

willing to

look

at a lineup to see if she could identify

him.



She agreed and immediately pointed out

the

man

she had seen in the alley the night

before.



When the man was told he had been

identified,

he

immediately broke down and confessed.



The officer thanked Diane for her bravery

and

asked if there was anything they could do

for

her.



She asked if they would ask the man one

question.



Diane was curious as to why he had not

attacked

her.



When the policeman asked him, he

answered, "Because she wasn't alone.

She

had

two tall men walking on either side of

her."



Amazingly, whether you believe or not,

you're

never alone. Did you know that 98% of

teenagers

will not stand up for God?


PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what

"If you deny me in front of your friends, I shall deny you in front of my Father"  

STAND UP FOR HIM

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What are Politcs?" Dad says "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
..1. Im the head of the family, so call me the president
..2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
..3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.
..4. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working class.
..5. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future.

"Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severly soiled his diaper So, the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room.

Finding the door locked, he looks in the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad i think i understand the concept of politics now:

The father says "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about"

The little boy replies, "The president is screwing the working class, while the government is sound asleep. The people are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit".

what cuss words really mean
Lying to Your Child..phyuks You over! (Read This)
Nightmare*

The mom calls the husband a "bastard"

and then the dad calls the wife a "bitch"

and billy goes to his mom and says "mom what's a bitch and a bastard?"

and the mom says "well, a bitch is a lady and a bastard is a gentlemen"




and then later billy goes outside and listens to his neighbors, and hears "Put your penis in my honeypot!"


So Billy goes to his mom and says "mom whats a penis and honeypot?"



His moms says "Well Billy, a penis is a hat and a honeypot is a coat"

and then later billy sees his dad shaving and cuts himself and says "shit"


and billy said "Dad, whats shit"

And then his dad says
"Well billy, shit is a type of Shaving cream "


and then billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and says "phyuk!"


and then billy says to his mom "Mom whats phyuk?"

"Well billy phyuk is a way of cutting the turkey"


and Then later the guests arrive and billy goes to them and says


"Hello bitches and bastards, may i take your penis's and honeypots,
my dad's upstairs wiping shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen phyuking the Turkey"


 

Okay so a guy is
nearing the
end of his
senior
year in high school.
Unfortunately,
he still has to share a room with his
younger
brother who is only 9
years
old.




One night, he decides to bring his
girlfriend home
for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that
his little
brother is already
asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his
girlfriend climb
up
to the top bunk.
As you
might expect things start to heat up.






The guy remembers that his little brother
is
sleeping below so he tells
his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants
it
harder and "tomato" if
she
wants a new position.







Lettuce!!!























Tomato!!!























Lettuce!!!
























Tomato!!!
























Lettuce!!!





















Tomato!!!






















She screams.



















Lettuce!!!




























Tomato!!!





Whoa!!!








PULL IT OUT!!!














PULL IT OUT NOW!!!











I can't get pregnant!












Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey,
would you
guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting
mayonnaise
all over my
face!*!*!*!*!