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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Who else can do this but a Naija person! |
on: 28-06-2011 05:19 PM
| Who else can do this but a Naija person!
A family in Nigeria was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the USA , sent by their sister. The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that their mother's face was practically touching the glass cover. When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister pinned to their mother's chest, which read: Dearest brothers and sisters, I am sending you our mother's remains for burial in Lagos. Sorry I couldn't come along as the expenses were so high.
You will find inside the coffin, under Mama's body, 12 cans of Libby's corned beef and12 cans of Luncheon Meat. Just share amongst yourselves. On Mama's feet is a brand-new pair of Reebok (size  for Junior. There are four pairs of Reebok under Mama's head for Deji's sons. Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts - one is for Dayo, Roy and the rest are for my nephews. Mama is also wearing one dozen Wonder Bras (your favourite), just share them among yourselves. The 2 dozen Victoria's Secret panties that Mama is wearing should be distributed among my nieces and cousins. Mama is also wearing eight Dockers pants - James, please get one for yourself and the rest are for the boys. The Swiss watch you asked for is on Mama's left wrist, please get it. Aunty Ronke, Mama is wearing what you asked for - earrings, rings and a necklace; please take them. Also, the six pairs of Channel stockings that Mama is wearing must be shared among the teenage girls there. I hope they like the colours. Your loving sister, Nene
P.S. Please take care and find a nice dress for Mama for her burial. In case you need anything that I may have forgotten, please let me know as UNCLE IS NOT FEELING TOO WELL... | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / I am a Saudi |
on: 5-10-2010 01:04 PM
| | I AM SAUDI !!!
>
A Little Girl... A Dog...A Saudi and A
> Policeman!!
>
> A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York.
> Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull
> dog .He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He
> succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's
> life.
> A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and
> says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all
> the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of
> little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New
> Yorker!"
>
> "Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
> 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the
> policeman answers. "But I am not an American!"
> says the man. "Oh, what are you then?" The man
> says: - "I am a Saudi!"
> The next day the newspaper says: "Islamic
> extremist kills innocent American dog". | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Come down to my level |
on: 29-09-2010 03:42 PM
| |
An illiterate woman boarded a plane from Enugu to Abuja in Nigeria
She was booked for an economy class seat... Just after the plane took-off,
the woman stood up and went to sit in the
first class cabin. The flight attendant went to ask her to go back and sit in
economy class because that's where the ticket allowed
her to sit but she refused.
She had paid and wanted the best seat. Then the attendant
informed the Jnr. pilot. The Jnr. pilot went and spoke with
the lady and she still refused. Then the Jnr. pilot went to
inform the chief pilot. The chief pilot said I am married to
an illiterate; I'll go and talk to her. The chief went
and whispered some words to the woman and she peacefully
stood-up and went to her economy class seat. The attendant
and Jnr. pilot surprisingly asked, sir what did you tell
her? The chief pilot said: Easy guys, I just told her that
first class is not going to Abuja, only economy class is.
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / OMO NAIJA |
on: 29-09-2010 02:56 PM
| |
There is this good old barber in some city in the US.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut,
he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am
doing community service." The Florist is happy and
leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop;
there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay
the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am
doing community service. "The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning the barber goes to open his shop; there is
a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
A Nigerian software engineer goes for a haircut and he
also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am
doing community service." The Nigerian software
engineer is happy and leaves.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his
shop, guess what he finds there...
Can you guess?
Do you know the answer yet?
Come on, think like a Nigerian....
............ ..he finds a dozen Nigerians waiting for a free
haircut
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Understanding Men |
on: 25-09-2010 03:55 PM
| |
" One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of
a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the
Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed
the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a
GOLDEN Axe. "Is
this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a SILVER Axe.
"Is this your
axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an IRON Axe.
"Is this your
axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave
him all three axes
to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the
riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord
again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA
JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is Untrue!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It
is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to
ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said
'NO' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said
'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able
to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to
ANGELINA JOLIE ."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for
a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it! -
"WE ARE HONORABLE MEN!!!"
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / LITTLE RASCAL |
on: 25-09-2010 03:43 PM
| | The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '
'Is your daddy home?' he asked.
' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'
The child whispered, 'no'
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' ' Yes '
'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No '
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'
' Yes , ' whispered the child, ' a policeman . '
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'
' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.
'Busy doing what?'
' Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ' came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'
' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,
' The search team just landed a helicopter '
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
' ME . ' | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / the wedding test |
on: 24-09-2010 02:59 PM
| | I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been
dating or over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me...It
was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore
very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would
regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than
a nice view.
It had to be deliberate because she never did it
when she was near anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to
come over to
check
the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to
me that she had
feelings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome. She told me
that
she wanted me just once before I got married and
committed my life
to
her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a
word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and
if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her
go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed
straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me
and said, "We are
very happy that you have passed our little test. We
couldn't ask for
better man for our daughter. Welcome to the
family!"
And the moral of this story is:
........Guess what, I was heading for my car where I kept my condoms.
[/color] [/b] | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Bathroom Etiqutte |
on: 24-09-2010 02:43 PM
| | During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'
Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll
be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted. | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Bible researchers |
on: 21-09-2010 04:57 PM
| | Some Bible researchers interviewed Ibo, Yoruba,and Hausa & Niger Delta folks to know what they would rather change in the Bible if they were given the chance.
The Hausa man said 'walahi talahi, the adulteress whom Jesus asked to go should have been stoned ...'
The Ibo man said, 'Nna, I can't really understand why Judas returned the money after selling Jesus. In short he is not a good businessman. '
The Yoruba man said, 'Jesus should have waited just one more day before raising Lazarus from the dead. We had already paid for the 'aso-ebi'. At least he should have allowed us enjoy the 'owambe' before performing His miracles.
And guess what the Niger-Delta man (Ijaw, Itsekiri, Urobo) said,"Ewedo, we would've kidnapped Jesus & demanded for ransom, rather than leaving Him to be sold by Judas Isi-carrot. | | | | |
