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1  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: Funny Instructions on: 23-07-2009 10:08 PM
what is wrong in stopping a chain saw with ur hand...i wonder
2  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: Economic woes in America! on: 21-07-2009 10:21 PM
lighten up
3  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / brave cat on: 18-07-2009 09:17 PM
brave cat
4  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: THE OLD LADY on: 18-07-2009 08:13 PM
5  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Funny Instructions on: 18-07-2009 08:01 PM

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On a hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bar of soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On packaging for an iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
6  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: Economic woes in America! on: 18-07-2009 07:43 PM
give the joke a chance
7  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / What Men Mean! on: 12-07-2009 08:54 PM
"It's a guy thing."
Really means...
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...
"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"We're going to be late."
Really means...
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Hey, I've read all the classics."
Really means...
"I've been subscribing to best lover since 1990."

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means...
"I forgot our anniversary again."

"I broke up with her."
Really means...
"She dumped me."

women take note...
8  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: Economic woes in America! on: 12-07-2009 08:39 PM
the 9ja version go bad is in the making
9  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: Economic woes in America! on: 12-07-2009 11:30 AM
more nigerian..hmmmmm
10  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Economic woes in America! on: 11-07-2009 07:43 PM
{title} Category     
Economic Woes

Who would have thought the economy would get this bad...

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Jewish women are marrying for love.

Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.

Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer and Citigroup.

McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.

The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

Motel Six won't leave the light on.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

And finally...

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh great... the guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.
11  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: Answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask.. on: 17-01-2009 08:48 PM
there is an abundance of comic relief @!
12  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask.. on: 2-01-2009 10:05 PM

Answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask...

The five questions are:

1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answered properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:

1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I"m sorry if I"ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:

a - Football
b - Baseball
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I"d be talking instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2 - "Do you love me?" The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include:

a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?

3 - "Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:

a - I wouldn"t call you fat, but I wouldn"t call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I"ve seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4 - "Do you think she"s prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:

a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don"t know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she"s younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5 - "What would you do if I died?" Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino"s Pizza truck that came my way....................................
13  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: Why 6 fear 7 on: 2-01-2009 10:02 PM
who cares!
14  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: How to get laid fast!!! on: 2-01-2009 09:58 PM
maybe segxi needs to get laid so that he will spend less time picking on me on the naijapals.....
15  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: short classics on: 2-01-2009 09:47 PM
no mind them
16  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: short classics on: 31-12-2008 12:17 AM
they no fit pay me
17  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: short classics on: 30-12-2008 09:53 PM
see me see trouble what did i do again! Why are the same pals always posting replies they shud get a hobby!
18  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: How to get laid fast!!! on: 30-12-2008 09:42 PM
wetin i do to deserve all this abuse..again shame on all of ur age...
19  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / How to get laid fast!!! on: 28-12-2008 10:44 PM
If you are here thinking you will see some info on the topic above,you are sadly mistaken,shame on you!!!
20  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / short classics on: 26-12-2008 05:10 PM
Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out  women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!"

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A. They don't stop for directions.

Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the

Q. What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are leaving?
A. Thanks for coming.
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