Q: Why is $ex  like shaving?
A: Well, because no matter how well you do it today...
tomorrow you'll have to do it again...
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bl**d to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left b00b bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later

A teacher asked her class what they wanted to be when they grow up.henry: I want to be a billionaire, have the cutest wife, make love to her 3 times a day, fly her in my private jet to Milan for shopping, take her on monthly trips to diff places around the world.The teacher ignores henry for his bad behaviour and asks natasha what she wants to be wen she grows up.natasha quietly whispered: I want to be henry's wife! =)) laugh away ur stress jo

In a nursery class, a little girl
asks teacher," can Mom get pregnant?
Teacher : how old is your mother?
Little girl: she is forty.
Teacher: yes she can get pregnant.
Little girl: can my big sister get pregnant?
Teacher: how old is your big sister?
Little girl: she is nineteen.
Teacher: of course your sister can certainly get pregnant.
Little girl:so what about me, can I get pregnant?
Teacher: how old are you?
Little girl: I'm five years old!
Teacher: You can't get pregnant!
Then the little boy akpors behind the little girl gave her a poke and says ," I told you we had nothing to worry about!
Teacher fainted...

A nigerian man went for an interview on proverbs and this was how he responded to them,1. A rolling stone .... "na somebody push am".2. A bird in hand .... "so so shitting for ur palm"3. He who laughs last, .... "na mumu"4. The patient dog, .... "na hunger go kill am"5. A friend in need, .... "na poverty he go spread"6. Empty barrels, .... "na we go fill am

A nigerian man went for an interview on proverbs and this was how he responded to them,1. A rolling stone .... "na somebody push am".2. A bird in hand .... "so so shitting for ur palm"3. He who laughs last, .... "na mumu"4. The patient dog, .... "na hunger go kill am"5. A friend in need, .... "na poverty he go spread"6. Empty barrels, .... "na we go fill am

 One day in the future, Barack 
 Obama has a heart-attack and dies.  
 He immediately goes to hell,  where 

   the devil is waiting for him.
 
"I don't know what to do here," 
says the devil. "You are on my
list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, 
so I'll tell you what I'm going to 
do. I've got a couple of folks here 
who weren't quite as bad as you. 
I'll let one of them go, but you 
have to take their place. I'll even 
let YOU decide who leaves."
 
Obama thought that sounded 
pretty good, so the devil opened 
the door to the first room.
 
In it was Ted Kennedy and a 
large pool of water. Ted kept 
diving in, and surfacing, empty 
handed. Over, and over, and 
over he dived in and surfaced 
with nothing. Such was his fate 
in hell.
 
"No," Obama said. "I don't think 
so. I'm not a good swimmer, and 
I don't think I could do that all 
day long."
 
The devil led him to the door of 
the next room.
 
In it was Al Gore with a sledge- 
hammer and a room full of rocks. 
All he did was swing that hammer, 
time after time after time.
 
"No, this is no good; I've got 
this problem with my shoulder. 
I would be in constant agony if 
all I could do was break rocks 
all day," commented Obama.
 
The devil opened a third door. 
Through it, Obama saw Bill 
Clinton, lying on the bed, his 
arms tied over his head, and his 
legs restrained in a spread-eagle 
pose. Bent over him was Monica 
Lewinsky, doing what she does 
best.
 
Obama looked at this in shocked 
disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah 
man, I can handle this."
 
The devil smiled and said........... 

  (This is priceless...)  
    
 "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

u wan hear somtin from my mouth, shey? Just wait for ansa, na cutlass go do am beta.

d ram wey talk dat yeye tin

he no fit

so, u dey hapi say u don ask me question? Okay, the tin is suppose to be a yoke

wu b dis??

wu b dis??

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were all ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space. As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey One. Do your stuff.''
At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off. Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to Monkey Two. Do your stuff.''
At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle seperated from the empty fuel tanks. Another two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, ''This is mission control to the astronaut...''
At this the astronaut shouted ''I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything.''

A famous prostitute died.people were confused as what should be written on her grave.finally, on the advise of a wise man,they wrote: at last she slept alone!!!!!

I just got an information that boko haram have accepted my application. This means that i'll be incharge of their virgin's department in paradise.