They say the two happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and the day you sell it.
Joe and John were identical twins.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who sank it.
Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John’s wife died suddenly.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store.
A kind old neighbour woman,MariBeth, mistook Joe for John and said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible.”
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, “Hell no! Fact is I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn’t very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!”
A policeman is walking his beat when he finds a totally drunk man collapsed against a building, weeping uncontrollably and holding his car keys in his hands. He’s moaning something about ‘They took my car!’. Seeing he is quite well dressed, the cop thinks he may have a real case of theft on his hands and proceeds to question the man.
“What are your car keys doing out?”
“My car, it was right on the end of my key, and those ba**ards stole it! Please ossifer, get my Porsche back. My God, it was right on the end of my key! Where is it? They stole it and it was right here; right on my key!
“OK, OK, stand up, let’s get some more information. (he stands the man up, and notices his penis is hanging out). Aw s**t mister, your thing is hanging out, would you put that thing away!”
The man looks down, sees his prick hanging there and screams, “Oh my God, they stole my girlfriend!”
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