25 RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, Lagos Driving 101
1. When in doubt, accelerate!
2. Be prepared to ram anything stoping you wearing uniform in Lagos
(police, traffic warden,FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade, VIO, lastma,
lamata, laswa, even lawma sef)
3. If you get caught by any chance, DO NOT allow them to enter your car,
if they happen to get in DO NOT drive from that spot (vere off traffic &
settle 5hun), and if they don't agree, form calling your uncle who is in
the army (believe me it always works), never follow them to ANY sort of
office except you wanna pay X10
4. Never give police or VIO your original particulars (whether expired
or up to date)
5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. NEVER yield to the
temptation to teach them otherwise.
6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide, avoid them like the plague
7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they have NO brakes
8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have the right of way, all of
them have been driving in Lagos for 25yrs.
9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the
wheels of your car.
10. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you
see.
Grab it. Survival of the fittest you may say!
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos, potholes (and sometimes
car-holes)
are put in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and shock absorbers,(
I saw one man fishing in one of the potholes last week).
13. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork, except
you want to spend ur whole saturday @ the panel beater's place.
14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to Lagos grand prix (who gets to
the junction first)
15.. There is no such thing as a short-cut during rush-hour traffic in
Lagos. Everybody might be inclined to take that 'short-cut'.
16. When asking for directions, always ask at least 3 people. Lagosians
ALWAYS claim to know every inch of the city - even areas they've never
been to.
17. Use extreme caution when pulling into service lanes. Service lanes
are not for breaking down the traffic, but for speeding, especially
during rush hour.
18. Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract
other Lagos drivers, who are not used to them.
19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Lagos drivers, unused
to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them.
This
could be very bad for you in Lagos.
20. Hazard lights (popularly called "double pointer") is not, (as
commonly
supposed) used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to you that he is a
bonafide Lagos driver, he's headed 'straight' and as such, will not stop
under any circumstance. Take him extremely seriously especially if he
backs it up with a continuous blast from his "horn".
21. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra crossing expecting
traffic to yield to you, or else you will have to explain to the on
coming traffic whether you look like a zebra.
22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel
guilty.
23. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by
whatever means necessary.
24. In Las Gidi every spot is a potential bus stop. FRSC and LASTMA know
that too. It is in their constitution.
25. Above all, keep moving... Even with a flat tire!!!
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