I was directed to this forum when I searched on "Best way to handle a stubborn wife" on the net, I decided to start a new thread because I do really need all the sincere advise I can get from you all not just a passing comment please. I am 38 years old and my wife is 30 years old, I met and married my wife after just six months of courtship, the marriage is four years old and is blessed with two beautiful kids, I'm a civil servant and she is self employed, we stays in one bed room apartment. My wife is the stubborn type, she is not a good cook, her house keeping is poor but she still have other good qualities that I console myself with after all she is just human, but what I found very difficult to condone is her abusing my mother and sisters with all the unprintable words one can think of, what is the sin of my mother and sisters you may ask, the old woman is sick and alone in the village, I, my elder and younger sisters (they are both married) stays in Abuja, my In-law went and brought my mother to Abuja, she stayed with them for about three months and my elder sister who is yet to have a child after ten years of marriage took her, and she stayed with them for about four months,
then she came to my place and from the first day she stepped into my place the house turned to the theatre of Nigeria/Biafra war.
I use to love her and I have no doubt in my mind that she loves me, I tried all my possible best to talk some senses into her but all to no avail, I reminded her that her that when she gave birth that her mother visited and stayed with us and I showed her love why treating my mother this way, her response is always that my mother should leave her house and to that I always tell her capital NO. I swore before I married her that I will never beat my wife, but I have broken that promise once, I brought out my television and broke it out of frustration of what she is doing to my mother, I have called her mother to heap insult on her but I can't see myself doing that but I ended up telling her that her daughter proper home training and to that she(the mother) took serious offense and we have not been communication for the past six months, I have been advised to go and rent house for my mother and to that I also said capital NO. My mother will be going next month but even when she is gone how can I live with the memory of what she has gone through in the hands of my wife, with what eyes will I be seeing my wife, the truth of the matter is that I have started seeing her like a stranger and I wonder how I can live with a stranger. I know all the effects divorce will have on the kids but.... I need more mature advice because I can't think straight any more. Thanks for your advice in anticipation.
Posted: at 21-11-2013 06:47 PM (10 years ago) | Newbie
FlyMamacita at 21-11-2013 07:23 PM (10 years ago) (f)
To answer the subject title, YES she can love u and dislike ur family, but NO she can not respect u and dislike ur family.
I would never advice anybody to bring their inlaws into their home, bcos it can cause many issues and fights. Ur wife probably wants to b d ONLY woman in ur life, and not liking the respect/love/care u have for ur mum. Am happy u didn take an app for ur mom, and decided to let her stay bcos she also wud neva kick her son outa d house. If i were u, i wud sit my wife down and demand apology towards my mother and make sure they are ok together bfor she leaves.... As for ur wife, keep a close eye on her, bcos when a woman can not take gud care of her home (cookin, cleaning as u mentioned) and she insults ur family, she is probably capable of more........................
Posted: at 21-11-2013 07:23 PM (10 years ago) | Addicted Hero
**sigh** I read your story, it's a piteous one tho. My advice is that, if I'm in ur shoe, I would sent d lady out of my house since! Bcos as for me oo, I will never forgive anybody that abuse my mother. The mother that didn't leave me wen I was suffering years ago! So my advice for u is to send d lady out of ur house before she even kill your mother!
I know a lot of women do not show their true colours till after marriage. What most seems to forget is there is something called divorce. there is no way a woman will insult my family if they do not do anything wrong and seem to get a way with it. The only two things that can make me divorce a woman is cheating and lack of respect for my mother and father particular.
Posted: at 22-11-2013 06:31 PM (10 years ago) | Upcoming
Well I believe love is respect and understanding, but in your case non is present. If she can not accommodate your mother within the little period she is spending she is spending with her child and grand children, guy u really need to think about it. I will not advise you to divorce your wife because of the implications it will have on the children but the way it is now, it is heading for divorce. If I personally was in your situation I will send her back to where she came from. The mistake you made is the u married a stranger. Six months was very short.
Posted: at 22-11-2013 07:04 PM (10 years ago) | Gistmaniac
dem never born the woman who will insult my mother.take my tip,drop her on the kerb and kick her face first into the gutter.if she doesnt respect the tree,there is no way she will respect the fruit.life is too short to spend it reforming a crazed she-demon
Posted: at 22-11-2013 07:31 PM (10 years ago) | Upcoming
Chericoco at 22-11-2013 07:50 PM (10 years ago) (f)
Divorce is not the best solution here. I agree your wife has to stop insulting your Mama. Even if your mama stepped on her toes she need to let u know. Some mother in-laws are pain in the ass and pick on their daughter in-law . But still not ok to insult an elderly woman. Talk to both of them and see were the problems comes from. Your mama can move in with your sister if her presence bring tension in your home.
Posted: at 22-11-2013 07:50 PM (10 years ago) | Gistmaniac
First of this marriage is not your mother's own, this is your marriage and your wife have no business in your mother, brother and sisters matter,,,if you want to deal with their problems, be a man deal with it alone but leave your wife out of it,,, if your wife do not clean the house who's problem is it, is it our fault ,,, you are losing authority in the house and make I tell you nobody have duty to come to your help not even your wife,,, I advise you to regroup before you lose more authority and self-esteem in the presence of your wife.....take some time out, go on holiday somewhere alone.... your wife must listen to you, do not beg woman they don't like it..... you breaking the tv set is just childish as tantrum of 5 years old..... you've lost a lot by beating her, your voice should be enough....what will you do if she don fear your fist, will you grab knife.....
Posted: at 22-11-2013 08:14 PM (10 years ago) | Gistmaniac
One more thing your mama started taking care of herself since she was 5 or 6 years old....if she has physical challenge your sister hand is more appropriate to help her,,,,if your wife insult your mum it's still your fault,,, she don get respect for you again...your mother can visit tough
Posted: at 22-11-2013 08:22 PM (10 years ago) | Gistmaniac
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