In the dating world, it seems that everyone expects the love of their life to fall from a tree and knock them dizzy with bliss. The facts of the matter are hardly as hit-and-miss as our secret desires would like them to be. When someone has a spell of good luck, it’s rarely because of some undeserved, haphazard gift bestowed upon them. If you look back to the period prior to any favorable happenings, you’ll discover a lot of hard work and planning were most likely involved. There is truth in the belief that the effort you put into something will be equal to the result you receive. Where people usually go wrong with this formula is extending the wrong type of effort. The same is true for finding a life mate.
If you don’t discern what you want or expect from your life, you’re never going to get it. You wouldn’t expect a business person to start a new business without researching the field and discovering if it’s a suitable fit. Yet, people consistently dive into the dating pool without first making sure of what they want. The fact that someone shows a bit of interest does not mean they are a suitable match for you. In the end, it isn’t just strong affection or love that makes a relationship work. It’s how compatible you are and how you deal with the little day-to-day things that count. The only way to truly discover what you need from a relationship is to actually plan and research exactly what you want.
When you are ready to seriously begin your quest for finding your life mate, use the following steps to help you get started.
Step 1: Do Your Research No great plan or endeavor can really get off the ground without research. Applying this to your love life may seem strange, but it really only takes a new perspective to get things going. First, analyze your past relationships. What traits or qualities did you really like about your previous partners? Write them down. Then take a look at what aspects of their personalities or your relationship that you disliked. Write those down as well.
You’ll probably get a fairly clear idea of your ideal mate at this point. However, don’t just stop with looking into the past. You’ll get an even more complete picture if you take a look at the people around you who have influenced your overall concept of the ideal relationship. Your parents or other family members' relationships will affect your opinions greatly. Do the same comparison of likes and dislikes for them. If there are other friends or role models, be sure to analyze those as well.
Step 2: Understand Your Desires
Truly knowing yourself allows you to understand all of your strengths and weaknesses. Once you’re comfortable with what those are, you can find ways to make them work for you. For instance, if you’d rather eat dirt than clean, you know you’ll always need a housekeeper. You also have some more insight on what traits your perfect partner needs to have, in this case a high tolerance for sloppiness. For some of you, the weakness may be an insecurity issue. In this case, while eventually you may get over it, you probably don’t want to get involved with a social butterfly. You’re going to be a lot happier with someone who is a little more reserved in public. Some traits or qualities wouldn’t be considered deal breakers, while others are must haves. Each person is different, so these qualifiers will be unique to each individual. Your job is to figure out the must-have characteristics of your ideal partner.
First, define what you want and need. You did most of this in step one. Now it’s time to expand on your discoveries and get a complete picture of your ideal relationship. Make sure to include small snippets of things you’ve always envisioned doing. For instance, do you imagine someone who enjoys cuddling on the couch while watching scary movies with the snow falling outside? Whatever it is, make sure to write it down so you can refer back to it and make changes as necessary.
Next, you need to determine what certain terminology actually means to you. You won’t be able to express what you expect from a partner if you don’t even know what it is yourself. Take a while and really figure out what exactly does love mean to you. What is your idea of "romance"? What are your views regarding sex? What does marriage mean to you? What about commitment?
| Posted: at 15-03-2009 06:10 PM (16 years ago) | Newbie |
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