> “7 days without pizza makes
> one weak.”
>
> At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
> “Invite us to your next blow
> out.”
>
> Door of a plastic surgeons office:
> “Hello, can we pick your
> nose?”
>
> Billboard on the side of the road:
> “Keep your eyes on the road
> and stop reading these signs.”
>
> In a non-smoking area:
> “If we see
> smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
> action.”
>
> On
> maternity room door:
> “Push, Push, Push.”
>
> At an optometrists
> office
> “If you don’t see what your looking for you’ve come
> to the right
> place.”
>
> On a taxidermist’s window:
> “We really know our
> stuff.”
>
> In a Podiatrist’s office:
> “Time wounds all heels.”
>
> On a
> Butchers window:
> “Let me meat your needs.”
>
> On a fence:
> “Salesmen
> welcome, dog food is expensive.”
>
> At a car dealership:
> “The best way to
> get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
>
> Outside a hotel:
> “Help!
> We need inn-experienced people.”
>
> At the electric company:
> “We would be
> de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you
> don’t you will
> be.”
>
> On the door of a computer store:
> “Out for a quick
> byte.”
>
> In a restaurant window:
> “Don’t stand there and be hungry, come
> on in and get fed up.”
>
> Inside a bowling alley:
> “Please be quiet, we
> need to hear a pin drop.”
>
> In a counselors office:
> “Growing old is
> mandatory, growing wise is optional."
>
> At a Santa Fe gas station:
> “We
> cannot sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.”
>
> In a New York
> restaurant:
> “Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to
> see the
> manager.”
>
> On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
> “Trespassers will be
> prosecuted to the full extent of the law. –Sisters of
> Mercy”
>
> On a
> long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
> “38 years on the same
> spot.”
>
> In a Los Angeles dance hall:
> “Good clean dancing every night
> but Sunday.”
>
> In a Florida maternity ward:
> “No children
> allowed.”
>
> In a New York drugstore:
> “We dispense with
> accuracy.”
>
> In the offices of a loan company:
> “Ask about our plans for
> owning your home.”
>
> On a New York convalescent home:
> “For the sick and
> tired of the Episcopal Church.”
>
> On a Maine shop:
> “Our motto is to give
> our customers the lowest possible prices and
> workmanship.”
>
> At a number of
> military bases:
> “Restricted to unauthorized personnel.”
>
> On a display
> of “I love you only” Valentine cards:
> “Now available in
> multi-packs.”
>
> In a funeral parlor:
> “Ask about our layaway
> plan.”
>
> In a clothing store:
> “Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17
> necks.”
>
> In a Tacoma, Washington men’s clothing store:
> “15 men’s wool
> suits, $10. They won’t last an hour!”
>
> On a shopping mall
> marquee:
> “Archery Tournament — Ears pierced”
>
> Outside a country
> shop:
> “We buy junk and sell antiques.”
>
> In the window of an Oregon
> store:
> “Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come
> here?”
>
> In a
> Maine restaurant:
> “Open 7 days a week and weekends.”
>
> On a radiator
> repair garage:
> “Best place to take a leak.”
>
> In the vestry of a New
> England church:
> “Will the last person to leave please see that the
> perpetual
> light is extinguished.”
>
> In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
> “Persons are
> prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
> graves.”
>
> On a
> roller coaster:
> “Watch your head.”
>
> On the grounds of a public
> school:
> “No trespassing without permission.”
>
> On a Tennessee
> highway:
> “When this sign is under water, this road is
> impassable.”
>
> Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
> “If you
> can’t read this, it’s time to wash your car.”
>
> And apparently, somewhere
> in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human
> presence, there is a
> sign that says, “Do not throw stones at this sign.”
| Posted: at | |
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