35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.
Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he
finishes high school.
Q. How will I know if my
vomiting is morning sickness or
the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. Since I became pregnant, my
Bosom s, rear-end, and even my
feet have grown. Is there
anything that gets smaller during
pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. What is the most common
pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who
get pregnant.
Q. What is the most reliable
method to determine a baby's
sex?
A. Childbirth.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the
more often strangers smile at
me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they
are.
Q. My wife is five months
pregnant and so moody that
sometimes she's borderline
irrational.
A. So what's your question?
Q. What's the difference
between a nine-month pregnant
woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant
woman's husband knows what's
good for him.
Q. How long is the average
woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided
by two.
Q. My childbirth instructor says
it's not pain I'll feel during labor,
but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a
tornado might be called an air
current.
Q. When is the best time to get
an epidural?
A. Right after you find out
you're pregnant.
Q. Is there any reason I have to
be in the delivery room while
my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word
"alimony" means anything to
you.
Q. What does it mean when the
baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though
not only a crown but the entire
throne is trying to make its way
out of you.
Q. Is there anything I should
avoid while recovering from
childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.
Q. Does pregnancy cause
hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything
you want to blame it for.
Q. Where is the best place to
store Bosom milk?
A. In your Bosom s.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to
Bosom pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. What does it mean when a
baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's
mother may want to rethink her
plans to nurse.
Q. How does one sanitize
nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean
bra. It beats boiling them in a
saucepan.
Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your Bosom s after baby stops
nursing cold turkey.
Q. What is the best time to wean
the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.
Q. Do I have to have a baby
shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's
diaper very quickly.
Q. Our baby was born last week.
When will my wife begin to feel
and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
General Just2sexy
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