New Year - Employee Rules and Regulations

New Year - Employee Rules and Regulations  ( office humor  )

 
*Dress Code*

 

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

 

 

 

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume

you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

 
 

 

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,so

that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.

 

 

 

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and

therefore do not need a raise.

 

 

 

************

 

*Sick Days*

 

 We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.

 

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

 

 

************

 

 

*Personal Days*

 

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called

Saturday and Sunday.

 

   ************

 

 

*Toilet Use*

 

 Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a

strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.

 

 

At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper

roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.

 

 

After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company

bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".

 

 

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the

company's mental health policy!

 

 

You are allowed to use the rest room only thrice a day and you have to

swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.

 

 

************

 

 

 *Lunch Break*

 

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that

they can look healthy.

 

 

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to

maintain their average figure.

 

 

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed

to drink a slim fast.

 

 

 

************

 

 

*Mails*

 

Don't read junk and forwarded mails.

 

************

 

 

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.

 

 

We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,

 

 

All questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,

aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,

contemplations,consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

 

 

 

The Management.

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Posted: at 14-04-2011 11:24 AM (14 years ago) | Upcoming

instead i no work..

how i go spend just 3mins for toilet..

what if the shit na strong one and e no gree comout kwanu?

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Posted: at 14-04-2011 12:02 PM (14 years ago) | Addicted Hero

 
work na by force

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Posted: at 14-04-2011 12:33 PM (14 years ago) | Gistmaniac

  :'( :'( :'( :'(

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Posted: at 14-04-2011 06:11 PM (14 years ago) | Gistmaniac

Poster u still dey work 4 there

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Posted: at 14-04-2011 06:44 PM (14 years ago) | Hero

o boy ee be like say na there u dey work abi?

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Posted: at 14-04-2011 10:16 PM (14 years ago) | Addicted Hero

make i submit application then..

Posted: at 14-04-2011 11:39 PM (14 years ago) | Gistmaniac

Please find attached my resignation letter........... ;D

Posted: at 15-04-2011 04:19 PM (14 years ago) | Gistmaniac

no comment just passing

Posted: at 15-04-2011 05:13 PM (14 years ago) |

O BOY IF NA SO WORK DEY, E BETA MAKE I JUST LEAVE SCHOOL GO REST FOR HOUSE

Posted: at 16-04-2011 01:20 AM (14 years ago) | Newbie