One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her honeypot. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my honeypot!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's honeypot. The doctor said "OK, what I'm going to do is rub some honey over the top of my privates and insert it into your wife's honeypot. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my privates I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my privates out of your wife's honeypot. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his privates with honey, inserted it into the young lady's honeypot. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's Bosom s and started making loud noises. The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm going to drown the bastard!"

A young couple is golfing on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They walk up, knock on the door, and hear a voice say, "Come on in." Opening the door, they see glass everywhere and a broken bottle lying on the floor.

A man on the couch says, "Are you the people who broke my window?"

The husband begins to apologize, but the man cuts him off. "Actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes, so what I'D like to do is give each of you one wish and I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Fantastic!" says the husband. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," says the genie, "it's the least I could do. And you, ma'am, what do you want?"

"I want a house in every country in the world," says the wife.

"Consider it done," the genie replies, turning back to the man. "And now for my wish. Because I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex in a really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband takes a long look at his wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses. If you don't mind, honey, I don't either."

The wife agrees, and the genie takes her upstairs, where he ravishes her for three hours. Once he's through, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife, and asks, "How old is your husband, anyway?"

"Thirty-five," she replies.

"And he still believes in genies?"

There was this old man who had been told by this very young man to give his life to Jesus Christ (to be born again) but always refused with same reply to the man's request and any other person with jesus tag ''na so them dey talk de only tin wey dey come down from haven na rainwater''.


One very day, this old man was caught up in a serious house fire that nearly took his life.your young pastor walked to c the fire victim on the hospital bed. ''you are here'', said the oldman.
'yes, baba. you c baba, you need to born again'', said the young man.
on hearing this baba jumped up from his bed, his pains disappeared immidiately and said to the young man '' na  ur fada go burn again in fact your Jesus no dey kind at all

A man walked into the ladies department of a large department store and shyly walked up to  the counter and said that he would like to buy a bra for his wife. The clerk asked what type of bra.

”Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?
Look around," said the sales lady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

"Actually,  even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to  choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and  the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"

Now totally baffled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Sales lady responded, "It is all really quite simple,

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountain's out of mole hills.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to  define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A}  ~  Almost Boobs ~
{B} ~  Barely there ~
{C} ~  Can't Complain! ~
{D} ~  Dang! ~
{DD} ~Double dang! ~
{E} ~  Enormous! ~
{F} ~  Fake. ~
{G} ~  Get a Reduction !. ~
{H}  ~ Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !! ~

Excitable: Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

Sociable: Joins friends in pissing, whether he has to or not.

Cross-eyed: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

Timid: Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal and comes back later.

Indifferent: If all urinals are being used, pisses in sink.

Clever: No hands, fixes tie, looks around, and pisses on floor.

Worried: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

Absent-minded: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

Childish: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal,  likes to see it bubble.

Tough: Bangs privates on side of urinal to dry it.

Patient: Stands very close for a long time waiting, lets it drip dry, reads with other hand.

Efficient: Waits until he has to crap, then does both.

Drunk: Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.

Disgruntled: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

Conceited: Holds two-inch privates like a baseball bat.

Desperate: Waits in long line, teeth clenched, pisses in pants.

Sneaky: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.  A nurse noticed his predicament.  Sir, she said " You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.  Each button was identified by l etters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.  Who would know if he touched them?  He couldn't resist,   He pushed W.  warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice feeling, he thought.  Men restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button.  Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.  When this stopped, he pushed the PP button  A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure,   The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.  "What happened?" he exclaimed.  The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.  "The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.  Your privates is under your pillow."

Multiply your house number by 2
Add 5
Multiply by 50
Add your age
Add 365
Subtract 615
In your answer, your house number will be by the left
And your age by the rite
Try this

   
   " One day OBJ and i went to the zoo and we saw a monkey and i was trying to no avail to give the monkey a banana but OBJ signalled to me to hand the banana to him, i frowned because i had tried my best, then i shruugged my shoulders and handed it to him. As soon as he waved the banana at the monkey, the monkey ran and jumped all over him and fussing all over him and i was like "damn! how u do that? and OBJ was like " don't u know blood is thicker than water?".

One day a father walked in and found his son kneeling down with his hands raised up. The man asks his wife what was wrong.
Mother: You can't believe I asked Junior  2 x 3
Father : And what did he say?
Mother: He answered "5"
Father: Yes, he is right!
Mother:Ah daddy junior, 2 x 3 is 6
Father: En en, I never knew they have changed it.

Oh how sweet it is to be young and innocent........



John walked into class every morning with a black eye, and after a while U- Mistress got worried and asked him why he had a black eye.



John  answer was: "our house is very small miss and me, my mother and my father, we sleep in the same bed.



Every night my father asks "John are you sleeping?" then I say " no" and then he donners me and gives me a black
eye."
The teacher then says to him "when your father asks again, keep dead quiet, u don't answer"



The following morning John comes to school and his eye is fine, and says to the teacher he did as she said and kept
quiet. But the day after that John comes back with a black eye again. "Haaibo John, why the black eye again."



He tells her: "Mitress Daddy  asked me again...John are u sleeping?...and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started....you know .....doin their thin on the bed. Then my father asks my mother: Are you coming? Then u-momy says, Yes I'm coming.. are you coming too.... my fathers answered ... "Yes",......not wanting to get left behind I said " wait for me, I'm also coming, I just want to put on my shoes thats when daddy hit me again.

An 18 years-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for  two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did
this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room
with the father, the mother and the girl and tells them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her
life.

Additionally, If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll sleep with her again!"

"I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth you will enter heaven, but if you lie ... hell is waiting for you," God told them.

To the first man God asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"

The first man replied, "I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife."

God replied, "Very good!  Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation."

To the second man God asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"

The second man replied, "I cheated on my wife twice."

God replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four-bedroom house and a BMW."

To the third man God asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

The third man replied, "I cheated on my wife about eight times."

God replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.

A couple of hours later, the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out.

"Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!"

The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago riding a skateboard!"

Heard in a primary school:

Teacher: Today children, we're going to talk about  the origination of human beings. As you ALL know we human beings come from Adam and Eve  and . . .
   *interrupted by little Jim*

Jim: My dad said we originated fom the monkeys

Teacher: Jim that might be true, but we're not talking about your family right now

AN IBO farmer's dog died suddenly after a long and happy life. OKAFOR  visited the parish priest to arrange a funeral.

OKAFOR: I'D like to have a proper funeral for my dog, who died last night.

Priest: I'm sorry, we don't conduct funerals for pets. You can try the Angelican church down the road - I think they perform dog funerals.

OKAFOR: All right. Do you think 800.000 NAIRA will be enough to cover their expenses for the service?

Priest: Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?!" inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

There were two friends onename peter and other paul.
peter borrowed  paul some money, paul refused to pay
so,they were fighting [meanwhile aman was watching their fight]
paul killed him self so that he will not pay,peter killed himself so
he can collect his money the man watching found the fight intresting
so he killed himself so he can see the end of there fighting .

A young boy rushed to his mother and told her excitedly, "Mummy, Mummy!, come quickly! There is a strange man playing with the house maid in her room.

His mother stood up in anger.

"In my house?! Abi this girl craze! Ewo! If na true junior de talk I go kill this girl today"!

She stormed down the hall to confront the maid but when she got to the door, junior who had been trying to play a joke on his mum screamed with glee, 

"April Fool Mum!, It's only Daddy playing with the house maid!"

In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, OBASANJO and MANDELA decided to visit each others country regularly. The first visit was by OBASANJO to SOUTH AFRICA.

There MANDELA showed him SOUTH AFRICA's modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that OBASANJO made a call to ABACHA in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes! The bill for the call came to only ABOUT 10 , 000.

When OBJ CAME back, he wanted NIGERIA's telecommunication systems to be better. Suitable arrangements were made. MANDELA visited the telecom department and talked to MBEKI in hell for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill was 5 NAIRA ONLY!

MANDELA asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so CHEAP in NIGERIA?"

A high level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From NIGERIA  to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from SOUTH AFRICA it is long distance!".

A great hunter was cornered and pinned to the ground by a huge LION.For about five minutes the lion was facing the sky without hurting the hunter,in joyful exclamation the hunter shouted"tank God i be the second DANIEL wey lion no go chop" The Lion replied in anger"common keep shut,before you chop for house you no dey pray?"

The boyfriend of woman came to the woman's house one day ,when d husband was around .Here is d conversation that took place:
Man:good morning
Wife:get out u foolish
Husband:my wife y are u insulting the man
Wife :darling can't u c is Head like go and come back
Man:u too c your nose like meet  me later
Wife:and u your legs like c u there
Man:your ears like don't b late
Wife:i said get out before i loose my temper