A black guy and a white man were sitting in the park. The white man had a pet monkey and the black guy was selling banana. So the black guy said "Mr. can u please help to look after my bananas I am going to get something and will be right back in the next few minutes". "Oh yes go ahead" said the white guy. When the black guy came back there were no more banana and he goes mad and asked the white man "where are my bananas?" The white guy looked at him and says "ask your brother", pointing at his monkey. The black guy just chilled. Then few minutes later the white guy said, 'can u look after your brother I am going to get something too. The black guy says, ok. When the white guy came back the monkey was dead and he went mad asking "what happened to my monkey?" The black dude says "Hey Mr. don't get involved in a family matter!!!"

 
TEACHER:   Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:       Here it is.
TEACHER:  Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:        Maria.
____________ _________ _________ ______

TEACHER:  John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:         You told me to do it without using tables.
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:       K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________ _________ _________ __ ____________
TEACHER:  Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:  What are you talking about?
DONALD:     Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________ _________ _________ ____
 
TEACHER:  Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:     Me!
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___

TEACHER:  Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:        Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________ _________ _________ _________
 
TEACHER:    Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE:          I is,
TEACHER:    No, Millie,  Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE:          All right,   'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'   
____________ _________ _________ ___
TEACHER:   George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:     Because George still had the axe in his hand. 
____________ _________ _________ ________
 
TEACHER:  Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:      No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________ _________ _________
 
TEACHER:   Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE :       No, sir.  It's the same dog.
____________ _________ _________ _____
TEACHER:     Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:       A teacher
____________ _________ _________ ____
 



PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!

An ibo man was on his way 2 his shop, as he was walking he fell inside a soakaway, so he sent someone  2 call his apprentice nd he should tell him 2 buy a rope and bring along, when his apprentice finally arrived with d rope the ibo man was already sinking but when he saw his apprentice he gained hope.

Emeka, how much u buy that rope,
oga na N150,

wetin dey worry u rope wey them dey sell N120 na him u buy N150, oya return am buy am 4 that place wey them dey sell am N120.

ok oga.
and b4 Emeka cud come back oga has passed on,

Two Mumu friends (Chuks and Taye) were going  to church one sunday. one their way, they crossed a 'SHIT (faeces/ Igbe/Nshi)' on the ground. Please read there conversation:

Chuks: O boy! you sure sey no be shit be that?
Taye: No be shit, How Person go take shit for middle of road?

                      after much argument, they went closer to confirm.

Chuks: I no tell you? this na shit
Taye: how you take know? shit suppose to smell, Na Egusi soup wa person drop.

Chuks: OK! make we know now.
Taye: Oya!

                      they both dipped one of their fingers and tasted it.

Taye: Guy! Na shit O! (after tasting)
Chuks: I No tell you? (after tasting)

                     they both rejoiced and shouted

Chucks: Thank God say we no match am
Taye: Thank God O! We for carry shit enter inside church.

Legworkers you can send in your jokes as well.

NB: If your joke no get NAFDAC NO., no send am O!

HUSBAND CAME BACK FROM CHURCH; GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER UP. HE CARRIED HER AROUND THE HOUSE. THE WIFE WAS SO SURPRISED AND ASKED "DID THE PASTOR PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC"? THE HUSBAND SAID " NO, HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS.

You are also speaking big grammar

are u serious?

A boy was at table for his breakfast and asked the grandma, where his mom and dad was. The granny replied that they were still in bed! The boy smiled, ate his breakfast and went to play. At lunch time the boy returned and asked granny the same question. They are still in bed, the granny replied. The boy laughed again, had his lunch and went to play. At dinner time he returned. Where is mom and dad? They are still in bed, grandma replied. The boy burst into laughter for the third time. Grandma could not bear it any more, what is wrong with you, each time I tell you your parents are in bed, you burst into laughter? The boy explained: Last night daddy came to my room and asked for Vaseline. I gave him Super Glue!!..... 

There is an apple tree in the middle of an ocean, there is a madman on the tree, there is a crocodile in the water and you need to eat one. what will you do? Any idea, if you have one, let see.

It goes in DRY, it comes out WET

The LONGER its in, the STRONGER it gets.

we can have it in bed just U and ME...

it is not what you think...You have a dirty mind!

                        IT IS A CUP OF TEA

What is LONG and HARD, has a hole at the tip and when you insert it into a wet, hairy and tight hole, makes you feel better?

                       VICKS INHALER

One day, Chinedu's dad brought home a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a liar and would slap the person who lied on the face.
Chinedu returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?"
Chinedu answered, "Dad, we had extra classes today".
Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Chinedu on his face.
His dad told him, "Son this robot is special in that it can detect a liar and will then slap the person who lied. Now come on tell me the truth.
Why are you late?"
"Dad, I went to a movie"
"Which movie?"
"The Ten Commandments"
Immediately, Chinedu got another slap on the face from the robot.
"Sorry Dad, I went to see the movie Sex Queen".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved" Immediately, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing the last sentence, Chinedu's mother comes walking out of the kitchen and sarcastically says to her husband, "After all he is YOUR son!!!"
To which the robot steps up and gives Chinedu's mother a resounding slap on her face

A doctor after hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

These 3 guys went to angle 90 bus stop in Auchi to get a bus to Benin. They decided to go take a couple of drinks since the bus is still waiting 4 more passegers, they took one bottle each and return to the bus but the bus was yet to fill up, they took one more bottle each and another each. On their way back to the bus stop, they saw the bus was already leaving, they started chasing the bus, 2 of the guys finally got into the bus. the one left behind started laughing so hard that everyone was surprised why he was laughing so hard. Another driver asked him why was he laughing. he said, the 2 guys  in that bus was not traveling, i'm the one traveling but unfortunately they got into the bus.

ALCOHOL Contains FEMALE HORMONES.

Proof:

Men Gain Weight,

Becomes extra emotional,

Men Talk Unnecessarily

And start fighting without a reason!!

Husband was rushing off to work one morning. His driver, Okon, had driven him half way when his Oga remembered he'd forgotten his briefcase at home. They turn around and Husband lets himself back into the house. He notices his sexy wife is in the shower, all soaped up, unaware of his presence. Not being able to resist, he playfully flicks at his wife's Bosom  as she showers. Still blinded by the soap, she asks gleefully: 'Ah-ah? Okon, you don drop Oga now-now?

Are you an AJEBOTA or AJEPAKO? Please read below to know and tell us your level:

1. If every morning after you wake up, your folks give you a hug and a kiss before sending you off to school, then you might be an AJEBOTA. But if them toss you beta slap for not kneeling down or prostrating "properly", you are definitely PAKO9/b]! Like my guy wey im papa ask am one day; NA GREET YOU DEY GREET ME ABI YOU DEY TRY CATSH SHICKEN?

2. If as a young lady, before you even dare stepping outside you put on at least a pair of jeans and a T-shirt with a face cap on with matching sneakers,  you could pass for an AJEBOTA. BUt if you repeatedly nonchalantly tie only wrapper round your shest, u throway leg inside foam slippers and waka go Mama Bomboy kiosk to buy maggi seasoning cube, your PAKONESS don attain xtra height.

3. If your folks, perhaps through an exclusive Country Club, introduced you to a variety of sports like cricket, golf or polo, we would agree that you're an AJEBOTA. But if motor don avoid jamming u repeatedly from either playing "ten-ten", "su-way" or "set (5 per side soccer)", no long thing when I just say u be HEAVY PAKO.

4. If your clothes were bought exlcusively from abroad and you were wearing the latest and most popular name brands that made everybody else wonder, I will classify you as an AJEBOTA. But whereby you specialize for "Boskona" (trying your clothes in a makeshift stall before you purchase) pricing, you are HEAVILY ENKPAKIATED.

5. If you were the tpe to get dropped in school and picked up by a driver designated to do so by your parents, I'll qualify you as an AJEBOTA. But if you hold world record of flying "DANFO" and "MOLUE a.k.a. FUNKY TRAIN" in motion or jumping down before them even matsh brake and you no dey ever wound, I HAIL YOUR PAKO STANDS.

6. If you were familiar and current with the latest things in vogue, I'll rate you as an AJEBOTA. But if the 1st day you see person wear NIKE chucks and you begin wonder why im put yoruba girl name untop am, PAKOISM don skatta your head.

7. If you ever toasted a girl/guy speaking perfect Queens English with the lates "fo-ne" slangs and acting "all cool", I think you fall into the AJEBOTA category. But if your type dey approach babe/bobo with tribal mark wey no even sabi ordinary "is & was", you con mix am with your very strong and conk native dialect and you still dey try to show yoursef with "ibon (bad English)" for the small gramma wey you think say you know, you are genetically enPAKIlised.

8. If you either have a dry cleaner that picks up your family clothing and the returns them washed, ironed and folded, or maybe you personally take them there to get the same job done, or you have a washing machine in the house and maid who finalises the rest part, we'll fit you into the AJEBOTA clan. But then, if you dey use one full iron bucket of OMO to soak your "cloth (plural for cloth in pidgin)", den u spread untop concrete-slab for "super scrub" with Kongi soap to hustle that troublesome collar, dip in back & forth until e turn to milk colour, hand-squeeze am with your upper bodi facing 1 direction while d cloth face d opposite direction, snap and flap d cloth in mid-air like 15 times to discharge (remove) d wrinkles before u use "wooden peg" to hold am for back-yard rope or better yet, lay am over your corrugated iron fence, NNA MENNNNNNNNN, your PAKO level don nearly cross perfect 10!!!!!!!!

9. If you happen to do emergency laudry for an outfit you need to wear in a very short while, you pop it into a dryer and hit buttons to get it ready, some how, some way, you're an AJEBOTA. But if after u washing, u squeeze wringe it out, cari towel, roll am inside d towel and another person dey d other end make una for pull with force to drain d water come outside (what we refer to as "TOWEL DRYING" in KC), and den finally u use your coal iron steam-dry am, u be PAKO oooooo!!!!

10. If every summer after school your idea of a holiday is looking forward to yet another to trip to Jand or Yankee, you are an in-born AJEBOTA. But if u begin jump up because say una dey go village for New Yam Festival and hunting seasons dey coincide, hence u fit finally throway your "Egungun" outfit and flex d new 1, no vex when I say u be PAKO.


Footnote: So what is wrong in being PAKO? The lessons of life are in the end on the street,





As for me sha, I be confirmed AJEPAKI

If you find your best friend or your blood brother having sex with your lover, What will you do?

If you see your best friend or your blood brother having sex with your lover, what will you do?

So u no fit hold body for that day...na wa for u o