Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.” “I don’t need to outrun the bear,” the first guy says. “I just need to outrun you.”

crying is not even good enuf for him. He shld jst pluck out his eyes. Mtcheew senseless Human

A concerned husband went to the doctor to talk about his wife.

He said to the doctor, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things."

"Well," the doctor replied, "go home tonight, stand about 15 feet from her, and say something. If she doesn't reply, move 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this until we get an idea about the severity of her deafness."

The husband went home and did exactly as the doctor had instructed. He started off 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she was chopping some vegetables.

He said, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

He heard no response. He moved 5 feet closer and asked again. No reply. He moved 5 feet closer. Still no reply.

He finally got fed up and moved right behind her, about an inch away, and asked again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replied, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"http://

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Chinese and American are in a plane.Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry.
After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it. While he's gone, American spits into his shoes. Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke.
That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry."
Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."

Teacher:(I killed a person.)tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student: In future tense, (You will go to jail.)

One day the kids in Ms. Evans science class was disagreeing with her.
Ms. Evans was talking about evolution. Ms. Evans was and atheist so she didn't believe in God.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said, "But I thought God created mankind?"
Ms. Evans then replied, "Well can you see God?"
"No."
"Hear God?"
"No."
"Feel God?"
"No." This went on for quite a while.
"Well then God doesn't exist."
Then Johnny whispered back to his friend Jimmy, "Can you see Ms. Evan's brain. No, so that must not exist."

Did You Know? - All the dirt from the foundation to build the World Trade Center in NYC was dumped into the Hudson River to form the community now known as Battery City Park.

Did You Know? - Hummingbirds are the only animals able to fly backwards

The "heat" of peppers is rated on a scale called "Scoville"

Did You Know? - No word in the English language rhymes with month.

Did You Know? - Libya has the only flag which is all one color with no writing or decoration on it

It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear.

@poster: slap urself NOW!!!!!!

Didd You Know? - Everytime you sneeze, some of ur brain cells die.

What is that Amazing, Hilarious, Breath-taking, fact u think u know abt that other of ur pals dont know abt?. LET'S POST IT HERE> SO I'm gonna start with this one: The tongue of a blue whale is as long as an elephant. Bet u didnt know.

He doesn't for once say something Positive. Pls can i block this Guy?

Dont mind that guy. He's always negative.

@kenolis: Ur a pain in d ass.