They may feel stuck, lost or unsure of their decision to get married in the first instance, and that‘s how the trouble begins. Statistically, marriages that end in divorce often show the first signs of trouble within the first two years.
Most newlyweds feel as if their marriage is just the next stage of dating and that life is going to be the picture perfect beginning of a blissful fairy tale one hundred percent of the time. Then, reality sets in and these same newlyweds find themselves in need of counselling to overcome a multitude of marital hardships. Typically, the roadblocks occur within the first year together as husband and wife and, if gone unchecked or unrecognised, may eventually end the marriage before it hits the two-year mark.
First-year marriage blues are typically feelings of depression, regrets, rising financial stress and family tensions. This can tear relationships apart. Couples feel these emotions at different intervals of the first year, but many signs of the first-year marriage rut appear right away and may persist throughout the duration of the marriage if unattended to. This is why it‘s very important to recognise and work on issues right away.
If couples prepare for the typical first-year marital challenges before committing to marriage, they can avoid divorce. Knowing what types of problems to expect in the first year will help couples build a stronger relationship that is focused on the long-term commitment, regardless of challenges.
It is not strange to find brides and grooms questioning whether they‘ve made the right decision in getting married. If the feelings persist and are prominent, your first step to overcoming regret is to express them with a respected family counsellor. This advisor can help you to work through your feelings with your spouse, rather than lashing out.
Another problem newlyweds experience within the first year of marriage is financial tension. This is more apparent once the dust settles and the bills from the wedding come rolling in. It‘s harder for new couples to work through this matter if one is more focused on it than the other.
Many couples don‘t expect the difference between their married and dating life - how this new level of commitment brings to the foreground bigger questions. These questions can be based on finance, the future, children, lifestyle and daily obligations. Dating, for the most part, no matter how serious, has a ‘backdoor plan.‘ If you don‘t live with your partner, you can go home at the end of the day. If you do live with your partner, there isn‘t so much of ‘big picture‘ element to contend with. Living together offers a certain sense of ‘now‘ and not ‘future‘ that is often comforting and simpler.
Another issue that faces newly married couples is a certain sudden diminishing of romance and intimacy. The pre-marriage period and the marriage itself offered so much passion that once that period is over, people feel like it‘s time to go back to business as usual. While this is normal, that level of intimacy is important to foster a long-lasting relationship.
A new marriage can bring all sorts of elements into play. A happy, healthy couple is willing to face the dilemmas, no matter how difficult, together. While marital counselling can aid in setting the right course as well, understand that it‘s time to settle into your life together and work to build a happy and lasting marriage. Realise that life isn‘t always going to be filled with picture perfect moments; but also remind yourself that even the tough times aren‘t as bad as they would be if you don‘t have someone you love and trust beside you.
Most of all, try to make everyday together count. We don‘t usually give up on other things so quickly, even when faced with challenges. A year really isn‘t a long time in the grand scheme of things and we owe ourselves and our spouses to work through that critical time of adjustment.
Marriage is a life-changing event, and good events as well as bad ones can create a certain amount of stress. Both types of events also require adjustments. Purchasing a home together, sharing bills, and other business-like transactions tend to become complicated when personal issues and emotions enter the picture. Marriage is a partnership that affects every aspect of your life. If you understand this before you decide to get married, or learn to accept this fact soon after marriage, you will be better able to cope with the demands.
You are likely to have periods of doubt, but don‘t give in to negative feelings. Just like starting a business, the marriage partnership takes time to find a good balance. Your spouse is also learning to adjust and the two of you need to be open regarding feelings and concerns. You can work through these issues together, guided by love, trust, and wanting what is best for the person with whom you have chosen to share your life.
There will be problems, pain, grief, sickness, financial worries, struggles, and life-altering events such as moving, changing jobs, having an operation, or giving birth to a child. While most of the latter events are positive changes, they still involve stress, and couples must actively work together to get through life‘s challenges.
‘Happily ever after‘ is possible, but it isn‘t some fairy tale or fantasy. There is no magic formula. It takes work. In fact, it takes a consistent, conscious effort to build a happy, secure, and lasting marriage. It takes genuine love, selfless sacrifice, the ability to compromise; and it takes trust, respect, and plain hard work.
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