Latest posts of: henry emeka

The Survival Of The Fittest

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a World Bank Economist are viewing a
painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Englishman. "They must
be English!"
"Nonsense," says the Frenchman. "They are both naked and beautiful.
They must be French!"
"You are both wrong," says the World Bank economist. "They have no
clothes and no shelter. They have only an apple to eat and they're being told they're in Paradise. Clearly, they are Zimbabweans!"

A Fishing Lure
A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.

After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

"Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.

With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes, sir," replied the young guy. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one.

During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalam, George's mother-in-law died.

With death certificates in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the states for proper burial.

The Consul, after hearing of the death of the
mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body back to the states for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00.

The Consul continues, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150.00.

George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do."

The Consul, after hearing this, says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much consdering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead !

I just can't take that chance.

A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.

Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'penis.'

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

A college student went into his dorm room to find his roomie standing on a chair with a rope around his waist and the end of the rope around the ceiling beam.

- Hey dude, what do you think you’re doing? he asks.

- I’m committing suicide, replied the room mate.

- Well you’re going about it all wrong, he said. You’re supposed to put the rope around your neck, not your waist and the guy responded ''you wan kill me? I tied it on my neck earlier and i nearly died...''. Roll Eyes

:'(

The topic of the day was RELIGIONS.
After discussing different types of religions as outlined in the sylabus, the teacher asked the students to which religions do their parents belong?
Without even thinking twice and looking very curious to be the first to answer, one lil girl with her hand streched up straight, snaped her fingers in the air for the teacher to point at her.
"my parents are christians"
The teacher then asked, "why are saying they are christians?"
The lil girl gladly replied, "i always hear them at night and early mornings screaming "OH! GOD! OH! YES! OH! GOD, OH! OH1 AM CUMINNNnnnn!!!

One day an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged.
When his boss asked him what happened, he explained:

"Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang
and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!"

"Well," the boss said, "that explains one ear, but what
about the other?" "They called back!"

Three man are sitting on a park bench.The one in the middle is reading a neswpaper,the others are pretending to fish.They bait imaginary hooks,cast lines and reel in thier catch.
A passing policeman stops to wafch the spectacle then asks te man in the middle if he knows the other two.
'Oh yes,'he says.'They're my friends'
'In that case you`d better get them out of here!'the officer warns.
'Yes,sir'the man replies and begins rowing furiously.

1.Three men: one American, one Russian and one Antartian where discussing which country had the best space program. The Russian said, "Well that's easy, guys. It was us as we launched the first man into space and no one can beat that." The American disagreed and stated, "No, mate, the Americans have the best space program, as we walked on the moon first. No one can possibly
beat that." But the Antartian spoke up, "No guys, you're both wrong. The Antartians are going to have the best space program as we are going to put the first man on the sun!" Both the American and Russian where in fits of laughter after hearing this and asked how this was possible without burning up? The Antartian simply replied, "Well, we have this fool proof plan; we're going during the night

2.Two Antartians are walking down the street. One finds a little mirror, and looks in it. She looks again, and again.
Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen this face before!"
"Give it to me", says the other Antartian. She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course, silly! It's me!"

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that
read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front
of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to
the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The
truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas

Strolling into a bank, the moron presented a check and asked the teller to cash it. The teller informed the woman that she must first identify herself. Pulling a mirror from a purse the woman looked in it and said, “Yes sir-it’s me, all right

The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”Yes, your honor.”
“And why was that?” “Because my wife wanted a dress.”
The judge check with his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!”
“Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.”

Two drunks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking boiler makers, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing, calling each other "professor," and generally causing quite a stir. When asked why such a celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months! "TWO MONTHS?!" cried the bartender. "That's ridiculous. It shouldn't take that long!!"
"Oh yeah?" says one drunk. "The box said 2-4 YEARS

2 girls of ages 15 and 18 were bathing in a shower together, then as they stood up, the younger one was surprised not to find hair around private parts of her friend "why dont yuh hv pubic hair?" , she replied, "hv yuh ever seen a busy road growin grass on it!"....