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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / ;D Driver's License |
on: 21-08-2008 02:22 PM
| | A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'
'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.
'It's not polite.'
'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'
'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'
Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'
'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.
'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'
Later that night the littl e girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'
The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?
'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'
'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'
'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'
'Because you got an F in sex.' | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Playing a good course |
on: 27-05-2008 02:17 PM
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* Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two (2) balls.
* Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes.
* Owner of the course must approve the equipment before game may begin.
* For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play begins.
* Course owners reserve the right to restrict the shaft length to avoid any damage to the course.
* Unlike outdoor golf, the goal is to get the club into the hole, while keeping the balls out.
* The object of the game is to take as many strokes as deemed necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course in the future.
* It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention being given to the well formed bunkers.
* Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they may have played or currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.
* Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.
* Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear along, just in case.
* Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
* Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the request of the course owner.
* It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
* The course owner will be the sole judge as to who is the best player.
* Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner, and the rules are subject to change. For this reason many players prefer to continue to play several different courses
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Forum / Relationships & Romance / Re: virgin or not |
on: 8-04-2008 11:42 AM
| virgin sounds good, but wat if u don't like wats beneath the package n you hv to stick with it for the rest of ur life.  nah! guess i'll stick with experienced  | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / HOW TO MAKE LOVE!!!!! |
on: 7-04-2008 10:07 AM
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HOW TO MAKE LOVE
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5.
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Seven kinds of sex |
on: 21-02-2008 09:05 PM
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Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex .
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex
until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are
so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has
gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass
each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex .
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at
night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court
and screws you in front of everyone.
And; Last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN. I have enough problems of my own.
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / lie detector |
on: 18-02-2008 10:51 PM
| | One day Kyle's dad brought home a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.
Kyle returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?" Kyle answered, "Dad, we had extra classes today". Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Kyle on his face.
His dad told him, "Son this robot is special in that it can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied. Now come on tell me the truth. Why are you late?" "Dad, I went to a movie" "Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments" Immediately, Kyle got a slap on the face from the robot. "Sorry Dad, I went to see the movie Sex Queen".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved" Immediately, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.
[Hearing the last sentence, Kyle's mother comes walking out of the kitchen and sarcastically says to her husband, "After all he is YOUR son!!!" To which the robot steps up and gives Kyle's mother a resounding slap on her face! | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Hey you only have 2 choices in life |
on: 21-01-2008 11:50 AM
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You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
[At a cocktail party , one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' 'Yes , I am. I married the wrong man.'
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy , how much does it cost to get married?' Father replied , 'I don't know son , I'm still paying.'
A young son asked, 'Is it true Dad , that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?' Dad replied , 'That happens in every country , son.'
Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then , it was too late.'
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
Just think , if it weren't for marriage , men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord , I pray for: Wisdom , To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience , For his moods. Because Lord , if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death' [/size]
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives , they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while , the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk , and says to him , 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'
The blind man replies , 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick , we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.' [/size]
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / the Hilarious world of Chinoz |
on: 29-11-2007 10:03 AM
| | . Chinoz is buying a TV and asks "Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure." says the assistant.
Chinoz replies "Give me a green one, please."
2. Chinoz calls Zambian Airways. "How long does it take to fly to Chipata?" "Just a sec," says the rep.
"Thank you." says Chinoz and hangs up.
3. Chinoz was filling in an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled here.
After much thought, he wrote Yes!
4. Why did Chinoz take 17 friends with him to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
5. To lose weight the doctor told Chinoz to run 8 kms a day for 300 days.
After, 300 days, he called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
6. Chinoz got his 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate. ..
Mother: Zimbabwean.
Father: Zimbabwean.
Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write 'Chinese' when both parents are Zimbabweans?" asks Mr Phiri.
"I read in a newspaper that every 4th person born on the Earth now is Chinese!" Chinoz replies.
7. Chinoz with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears.
He answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But what happened to your other ear?"
"The person called back!"
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