up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car
broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in
the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would
be late because I had to walk home.
On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of
baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to
walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I
knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and
exclaimed delightedly "Darling I have a surprise for dinner
tonight." She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at
the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to
remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me
promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and
went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me
and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while
my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity,
shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only
loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from
my lap and fanned the air around. Then, shifting to the
other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse
than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to
the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for
another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end
of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times
with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands
back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My
face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife
returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I
had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had
not.
At this point, she removed the blindfold, and i saw twelve
dinner guests seated around the table, and they all
chorused: "Happy Birthday!!!" I fainted!
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