How do you seamlessly transition from talking about your dog, or the weather, to more meaningful conversations that allow you to bond on a deeper level? Ask the right thought-provoking questions and don't hold back.
The key to unlocking the secrets of communication is sustained, reciprocal, escalating self-disclosure. Simply put: ask questions, answer questions and gradually show more about yourself as the relationship develops. We generate happiness by asking the right questions!
Remember that warm, fuzzy feeling you got when you realized your first crush liked the same band as you? When you bonded over your favorite book, sport, film or video game? That happiness is something that you can generate many times over, if only you knew the right questions to ask a guy when trying to work out if your current crush is something that can develop into something more.
Questions can improve the quality of our relationships
Stuck in a rut and can't get what happened in a prior relationship out of your head? You'll find you engineer questions for new love based on prior experience. You need something fresh, something new, something different, to make you feel like this new love will last. Asking the right questions will bring you closer to that and improve the quality of future relationships.
Questioning makes you curious and interesting
It's not always about the marriage and kids' questions. Asking questions that you wouldn't normally think about can create new, exciting scenarios. You could be the hundredth person to ask “So what do you like to do in your free time?”this month, but only the tenth to ask “If you could wish for one thing to come true or do one thing you otherwise won't get the chance to do, what would you pick?”. Who do you think he's going to remember?
Questioning makes you more flexible and open
Questioning allows new thought patterns to form in the brain. The more thought patterns you have to choose from, the better you'll be able to cope with new conversational challenges. With more paths to choose from when leading the conversation, you will be able to deal with curve-ball responses, better (as well as throw some of your own!).
The more we ask questions, the better we'll get
New responsibilities and getting older may leave you thinking you need to settle for the fastest path and the most tried-and-true in your current arsenal to get to where you want to be. Asking more questions, and handling responses to a variety of questions, will serve you better than sticking to the same ones all the time.
If you feel like you don't have time to invest in crafting the right questions and answers to form a friendship or relationship with deeper meaning – see some of our examples below:
“If you could wish for one thing to come true or do one thing you otherwise won't get the chance to do – what would you pick?”
“Tell me about your favorite music and why.”
“Have you ever done any traveling and what was your favorite place to visit? Would you go back? Why or why not?”
“Can you tell me about someone who you really admire?”
“What scares you the most and why?”
“What achievement are you proudest of?”
“What do you think would be harder for you, telling someone you love them or telling someone you don't?”
“Tell me about your favorite book/author”
As you can see, most of these questions are geared towards sparking introspection and getting them to open up about something important to them with a seemingly innocuous question. Similarly to when you're a child, “Why” questions can remain the most powerful method of generating a close relationship. It brings people together and helps to form mutual understanding, even if people respond in different ways to a given scenario.
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