That is REALLY TRUE, even about 10,000 years ago, our fore-fathers were communication using jass to talk to people even in there dream. They even travelled by EGBE, that one no get wire as well and KANAKO, which means you just command and you would fing yourself in America within a second. Me I know that one dey.

So no be new research, go ask elders about this, they will tell you more.

10_Inches

That is a nice one Yinka,

Please which category do u belong to, America or Africa???
It would be good to know, becuase you look very ripe and delicious with lots of Deltas???


14_inches

COURT TRIAL . . .


Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes
creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my Bosom s.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me
now!"

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.


14_Inches_Long..

 
 Come with me to a third grade classroom..... There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his  pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because
 he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened.  It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find
 out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.
 
 
 The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an
 emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."
 
 
 He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered.
 
  As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named  Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water.
 Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.
 
 
 The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"
 
 
 Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of  ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher
 rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on  while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their
 hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that
 should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.
 
 
 She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you klutz!"
 
 
 Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did
 that on purpose, didn't you?" Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."

14_Inches_Long

Emmy,
that one no be part of the joke. If you wan collect ADIRESI ask her privately.

Sillyjoker, are you sure you are not just like this mother, always disobeying.

14_inches

Hey TOKS my guy,
It is not funny, I go for holiday for naija and the Niger Delta boys kidnapped son of man hoping to get some hard currency from him, oh boy, na lie, then release me voluntarily when I finished  all their food where them keep me.

Any how sha am back and better and more jokes for the guys.

I welcome myself back on this forum.


14_Inches.

I volunteer myself to be part of this team FREE-OF-CHARGE (FOC) and even nominate myself to be their secretary, so all naijapals to forward their PATI-KOLAS to me with immediate ALAKRITI, please don't forget your street, postcodes, postal and the most important, your phone numbers Mobile) and house addresses, also inlcude the right time to visit (when) the road is clear.

May God bless me as I look after all my friends.

14_Inches_Long

Hello
Everyone, this is to remind you that it is forbiden to make sandwiches and mayonnaise on Good Friday,

What an abomination it would be.
Be careful, no work on Sabbath day!!!


Keep jivin

14_Inches

This is to inform all my fans that am back and better on this forum after a long break.

God bless you all.

Cheers

14_Inches_

Formerly known and addressed as:

                 14_Inches_long.

NOW want to be called and addressed as:

                Retired_Playboy !!!

All former PARTI-KOLAS and address remain the same.
                 

How many pals made sandwiches on Xmas day? I hope you remembered to dispose the mayonnaise properly???

I love you all. Keep jiving, More mayonnaise on top of your sandwiches.

14_Inches_Long

How many pals made sandwiches on Xmas day? I hope you remembered to dispose the mayonnaise properly???

I love you all. Keep jiving, More mayonnaise on top of your sandwiches.

14_Inches_Long

I am back from my self impossed vacation to allow you guys and gals regain your sanity. In the spirit of Xmas, I have forgiven all my enemies on this forum.

Laugh and joke with those who criticise you, even dine with those back biters and even shoe lickers, for no shoe lickers shall reach the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are the sinners for they shall receive a knock on the head for every sin committed.

14_Inches_Long.

REZI,
so it took you 4 unsucceeded attemps to explain a single statement, you must have a very dull brain. And you are the one who always know the joke that has been posted before.

I am surely you are an applicant stilll looking for work, you are always glued to the computer and all you do is make comment on other's joke.

Best of luck

14_Inches_Long

This is just too crazy of the secretary, why on earth must a man be treated like this. Sometimes women go too far. What on earth was she trying to achieve?? I would never forgive any lady that plan this kind of disgrace for me. I would not only sack her, I would also set her up if I know her boyfriend.

I do not blame the man at all. Body no be wood now. If someone gives you FOC (Free Of Charge) food for chop how you go refuse am? AWUF no dey run belle now.

This is the most criminalstic and Judastic way of damaging another person's marriage. If I were to be in this man's shoe, my punishment would also be for my wife for coniving with my secretary to humilation an innocent man, I would use my constitutional right as the husband and I would dissolve the house with immediate alakrity.
 

14_Inches_Long.

I dont blame you guys. You are all used to Nigerian jokes. What you all forgot is that though some people might be from Nigeria, many others are not. 60% of the people on this site are living outside Nigeria. So wake up and educate your mind.

Many of us are not living in Nigeria and have left Nigeria long time ago. If you don't get this, I wonder what you are going to get.

Anyway, continue with your local jokes. Good luck.

14_Inches_Long

This is not funny at all. Abeg post better joke. There are xtians on this forum. Don't spoil us with this kind of jokes, you better go to Adult 16+

14_Inches_Long

Cancel Your Credit Card

Be sure and cancel your credit cards as soon as you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.!!!

Now some people are really stupid!!!!

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' (I really liked this part!!!!)

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' (Duh!)

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

Citibank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.' (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help.'

Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'What do you do with dead people on your planet???

A Little Guy

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'
The poor little guy starts crying.
'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying.
“This is the worst day of my life,” says the little guy between sobs. “I can't do anything right.” “I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.”
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.
So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.

14_Inches_Long

CHRISTMAS BONUS
Three dustmen are doing their last round before Christmas. The first goes to a house, knocks and finds himself being invited in by a stunning blonde, who takes him upstairs and gives him a good seeing to.
Afterwards, he rushes out and brags to his two pals about it. So the second
decides to try his luck. Sure enough, the same thing happens to him.
Finally, the dustcart driver, reckoning he's on to a sure thing, gets out and knocks on the door. The woman answers, smiles and gives him a fiver.
Severely disappointed, the man asks: 'How come I just get money, when you gave my pals a proper Christmas bonus?'
'Well,' the woman replies, 'when I asked my husband about tipping you all, he said 'Give the driver £5 - screw the other two'.'

14_Inches_Long