At 20, a man is like a coconut: so much to offer, so little to give. At 30, he's like a dran: dangerous, but delicious. At 40, he's like a watermelon: big, round and juicy. At 50, he's like satsuma; they come only once every year. At 60, he's like a raisin: dried-out, wrinkled and cheap.

AGES OF WOMAN IN BALLS:
At 18, she's a football: twenty-two men are running after her from all directions. At 28, she's a hockey ball: eight men are panting to get to her. At 38, she's a golf ball: there's only one man after her now. At 48, she's a table-tennis ball: two guys are doing their damnedest to get rid of her.

One of the advantages of getting older is that: Your secrets are finally safe with your friends, because they can't remember them either

In a hostage situation, they are more likely to keep to keep the young, and pretty ones and most importantly,

 KIDNAPPERS GROW LESS INTERESTED IN YOU!!!

I have never been lucky enough to do one, Please are there any virgin on naijapals? As a common saying that a patient dog always eat the fattest bone, Please if you are a virgin, make you hala me, I beg make I no die without opening someone. I just want to know how it feels...

It is better experienced that imagined....

Guys are so cruel, they have opened almost all of them. It has always been too late.

Jo ten boku (French)

Mo feran re (EKITI)

A liitle boy caught his parents when they were at it. His mother, very ashamed and not knowing how to explain to the poor little boy continued....

Jonny, when you saw me on top of your dad the other time, you know he has got a big belly, every morning, I climb on top of him and massage it.

Little journey answered his mum, mummy, you are just wasting your time, each day when you help daddy, as soon as you leave for work,  the sister next would come to daddy's room, kneel down and blow it up !!!!

There was a couple who usually cheat when their spouse was away. The husband's brother and the wife's sister were both living with the couple. The husband was cheating with his wife's( sister and unknown to him, his wife is also doing it with her husband's brother.

Unfortunately for both of them, their little 3 years old boy has been noticing all thsee unholy acts but decided to voice out one day:

Child to his mother: Mummy, when you travelled, daddy and Sister Janet .... STOP the wife interrupted the little kid.

In annoyance she sent for her own parents and the husband parents to hear what he little kid has to say. He also invited some elders from the church and from their neighbourhood, beause she has been suspecting that her husband was sleeping with her own sister.

Everyone was seated, the elders now asked the little boy to continue his story...

Mummy, when you travelled, I saw daddy and Sister Janet on top of each other in dady's bedroom doing what you and brother Tunde used to do when daddy was not around....  !!!!!!

Silence enveloped the whole atmosphere. All elders left one after the other.

How true this is.........? abi no be so    Believe it or not.   
Woman has Man in it;   
Mrs. has Mr . in it;   
Female has Male in it;   
She has He in it;   
Madam has Adam in it;   
No wonder men always want to be inside women!     
Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....   
Why?   BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME     Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...   I never looked at it this way before:   

MEN tal illness,   MENstrual cramps,   MEN tal breakdown,   MENopause,   GUY necologist   AND ..   When we have REAL trouble, it's a   HIS terectomy.     

Have you noticed how all of women's problems started with MEN now?     

Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.     
Send this to all the men just to annoy them   ......

 What else can I say: Please share with your partner.
 Good Luck.
 
 Sex according to Pastor Khathide (Ugandan)
 A lot of people don't associate sex with God – they  associate it with Satan and darkness, as if sex weren't  holy. The bible is explicit when it comes to sex. Sex is  holy within marriage, and there is no prescribed style.  Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the missionary  position is the only segxwal style. Not discussing sex in a  relationship leads to divorce!!!!!.
 
 Pastor Khathide has counseled women who've complained:  my husband treats me as if I were his brother. There was  one who told him: I am tired of getting sex fortnightly,  like a salary. Khathide told her she was lucky to be  getting sex fortnightly, since some wives only get it on  big days, like elections, public holidays, Christmas days and during workers’ strike.
 
 Many husbands leave their wives to seek segxwal pleasures in  Hillbrow.  Have you ever asked yourself what those wives have that you  don't. Wives have become very frigid and even sleep with
 their panties. If you're a married woman, you should  sleep naked and let your bum touch your husband. Today you  find men going out of their way to get a glimpse of a  honeypot. They page through magazines and even go to lingerie departments in stores hoping to see what's hidden under panties,
 because their wives hide it from them.
 
 Marriage is about being free with your body in front of your partner. A woman should parade naked and do some modeling to tempt her husband. There are many married women who don't know
 what their husbands' penises look like. They only feel it when he enters her. They've never touched it, let alone see it, because the husband switches off the lights before undressing. A penis is a wife's toy - she is supposed to play with it.
 
 He blames couples for not making time for sex and
 complaining about being tired after a day's work. You find many couples
 who've been segxwally starved for years. God created sex for procreation and also for pleasure.
 You can't marry and not have a good time in bed.
 
 WHO SAID YOU CAN ONLY HAVE SEX AT NIGHT?
 Why can't you drive home during lunch and have a quickie with your wife?
 We're all equal in sex - it's not just about a woman satisfying a man. You have to satisfy each other.
 Have you ever seen a woman who has been satisfied? Have u noticed how she glows and becomes energetic? May the Lord Bless you. This is the "Whole Truth, Nothing But The Truth" so God Help Us From The Beginning.
 
 A LETTER TO MY DEAR WIFE:

 During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
 The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
 54 times the sheets were clean
 17 times it was too late
 49 times you were too tired
 20 times it was too hot
 15 times you pretended to be asleep
 22 times you had a headache
 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
 16 times you said you were too sore
 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
 19 times you had to get up early
 9 times you said weren't in the mood
 7 times you were sunburned
 6 times you were watching the late show
 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
 9 times you said your mother would hear us
 
 Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
 6 times you just laid there
 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
 4 times y ou told me to hurry up and get it over with
 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
 
 KEEP READING.......
 TO M Y DEAR HUSBAND:
 I think you have things a little confused. Here are thereasons  you didn't get more than you did:
 5 times you came home drunk and was not available
 36 times you did not come home at all
 21 times you didn't come
 33 times you came too soon
 19 times you went soft before you got in
 38 times you worked too late
 0 times you got cramps in your toes
 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
 2 times you were in a fight and some one kicked you in the  balls
 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
 3 times you had a cold and your nose was runny
 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
 
 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on T V
 
 Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were
 screwing the sheets.
 I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I
 said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
 The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was
 trying to breathe.

I met a lady in a cyber cafe, after lot of programming, debugging and re-editting, she finally agreed for some downloading in a secluded area. Then I inserted my diskette into her drive not even bother to scan for virus because I left my anti-virus at home. As soon as my diskette enter into her hard drive and ready for downloading, she screamed, YAHOOOOOOO. In the process of installing my program on her hard drive, the program was aborted due to a trojan intruder. 9 months later, a POPUP came up in my yahoo account and said you have got MALE !!!!!

The best time is when am under the APPLE TREE. I forget everything as if the whole does not exist, who can blame me, there is no place home, home sweet home

Enousa, abi wetin them dey call u, you strongly wrong on this one. Seriousn people dey come here. You said who be doctor/professor/engineer on this site, let me telll you, I be one of them!!!!

The world is coming to an end now, trouble here and there. Person get money, he no fit enjoy am because of dometsic problem, credit crunch here and there, tenant and landlord problem dey trouble some, some not get get someone o talk to. This is a forum where you can interact and feel relaxed.

Remember, all work and no play, would make 14_Inches_Long a dull man.

So dguy, ride on,I am in support of you and if I support someone, it is like God almighty is in support of the person, so no mind those negative minded individual, afterall the time of life is so short.

I want run away before when I first visit this site. Na only cofession I see. People tell stupid lie, them they confess fake, that wan no be my problem, I want to talk to real people and share my idea with them. Thank God there are like minded people here.

So let everyone be amused !!!!!

1. Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the canteen. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.  You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught  -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.

3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk.  For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. 
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you will sound impressive.
10. Have 2 Jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere
11. MOST IMPORTANT: 
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals.
  The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass
  a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get
  ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate
  ways to gather fruits.
   
  The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
  apples." The king then explained the trial to him.  "You have to shove
  the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll
  be
  eaten."
   
  The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in
  pain, so he was killed.
   
  The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
  king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should
  be easy.  1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he
  burst out in laughter and was killed.
   
  The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.
  The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with
  it?"  The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
  coming with pineapples."

No be funny picture pics we want on this forum???, Some guys no dey post anything for this naijapals, but they ft criticise others we God give brain to amuse others, be careful, ABANIJE KONI GBAYI,

My fellow Nigerians, rate yourselves with list
 below...I know say na yankee we dey, but you know how they say you can take a
 homie out of the ghetto, but you can't always take the ghetto out of the
 homie....let's see.....

 ......Are you an Ajebota or an Ajepaki?
 If you step on a nail and bleed, you might be Bota,
 if you step on a nail and BEND IT, you're paki!
 If you see the words Madam, Sir or Esq after your
 folks name on an envelope, you might be an Ajebota...but if people refer
 to your folks as either Iya-beji, mama-bebi, iya Bintu, mama-chukwudi,or Baa Lamidi, you are NOT ajebota!  If you have your home periodically fumigated with
 scentless pest repellants so it's virtually roach and termite free, you
 might be an  Ajebota....but if your aim with either your Cortina or
 Skoll can nail a flying cockroach to the wall,  you're an Ajepaki!
 If your folks carry wallets and purses, you're possibly an
 Ajebota,...but if your mom reaches into her bra to get
 money in the glaring eyes of the public, your Paki is level 5!
 If you have a borehole installed in your compound
 for year round water supply, you might be an Ajebota, ...but either you
 have a irrigation system or the middle of your head is hairless
 due to having logged on 65,000miles from hauling pails of water,
 you're an Ajepaki! If, after using the bathroom, you have an assorted
 barage of scented toilet tissues to choose from, you just might be
 an Ajebota,..but if you use water to 'tamba' yaself, you're
 an Ajepaki! If you brush,rinse,gargle and floss, you just
 might be an Ajebota....but if, after  chewing your Pako,you can spit
 the pako-paste 40 yards, your pakiness is considered level 10!
 If you had underwear that had the elastic bands at the waistline, you could be an ajebota,....but your
 underwear looked like the flag of Ghana, with about 7 colours like rainbow and had a drawstring, you're DEFINITELY PAKI!  If you happened to have wandered into a
 neighborhood during Ileya and got amazed by the fact that people found
 ram-fights amusing,  you might be an Ajebota,.....but if YOU took the ram to
 fight after feeding it with 'igbo', you definitely Ajepaki!
 If your home had sophisticated theft deterrent
 systems like barbed-wires,dogs, a camera and an alarm system, you
 might be an Ajebota,....but if people are scared to scale your fence
 because of widely spread rumors of your folks having installed a
 'SHIGIDI'(whatever that is), you're an Ajepaki!  If you went to a hair salon in naija to get  your done, you just might be an Ajebota,..but you and your 'onidiri' sit for  six hours on an Apoti under a tree while she did your hair, you're PAKI of the highest order!
 

I don't know why men cannot let the sleep dog lie. They always look for trouble. Sometimes we blame the ladies, but we lured them into some unholy union which by themselves they may not like it. By by the time we sugar rap them with our sugar coated mouth, they have no choice other than to gbabesky.

May God help us men. I took this picture on a favourite beach in Califonia, have a nice grin

[attachment deleted by admin]

There was this lady who lived in this same room with little brother on a bunk bed. One day she decided to sneak in with her boyfriend for some serious downloading !!! She warned her boy friend before hand, please I don't want my brother to wake up, if I want it normal, I would whisper TOMATOES, TOMATOES, if I want it harder, I would say LETTUCE, LETTUCE, if I want us to change style or position, I would whisper, ONIONS, ONIONS.

With these codes, they entered into the room, within a short period, temperature started rising and they were already in the 7th heaven, frolicking in the atmosphere of love, and it was TOMATOES, TOMATOES,TOMATOES, LETTUCE, LETTUCE,LETTUCE,LETTUCE, LETTUCE, LETTUCE, ONIONS ....... al ove te air.

Sudenly, something splashed on the brother's face down below the bunk bed and he woke up.

He shouted, WOULD YOU GUYS STOP MAKING SANWICHES UP THERE BECAUSE YOU ARE SPLASHING ALL THE MAYONNAISE ON MY FACE !!!!!!

Open the attachment and see what I mean by 14_Inches_Long!!!

Hello, I know how to copy and paste very well. If you are computer, I can repair you. I have been dealing with computer for over 15 years. So that is not my problem. You can see me if you have got any problem with anything on computer. I said for security reason. Such attachment can only be allowed under adult forum, not here. Please read and understand before answering. The whole world is reading all your comment.

Thank you

Two lovers died in a motor accident and met at the gate of heaven where they met face to face with Saint Peter.

They asked St Peter sir, before we enter into heaven, we would like to ask if there is marriage in heaven, because we would like to get married as soon as we make up our mind n this relationship asap. St Peter looked at them for a while and said, o.k wait for me here let me find out.

One year, two,three .... and after 10years St Peter came back looking worried and tired said to them, yes I think yes you can actually get married in heaven.

Then, when he was about to open the gate for the couple, they asked again, sir, sorry to bother you, we would also like to know if there is divorce in heaven, in case we no longer love each other again.

St Peter was s annoyed that he shouted at them.... Can't you see how long it took before I found a Pastor in heaven to conduct the marriage ?? I am not sure there would be a single lawyer here for the divource !!!!