Married to nigerian wife (Page 2)

I am a swedish man married to my nigerian wife since october last year. We are not doing so good, i wonder if you have any good advice to give.

Before she arrived she always said in the chatroom that she can not live without me, she is deeply in love with me, she loves me more than I can imagine. I cannot understand this. Now when she finally has the opportunity to express all this love, she does nothing. She is happy watching TV alone. She don’t care if I sit close to her or not. If I try to kiss her when she is watching TV I never know if she is in the mood, if she is going to turn her face away or not. This makes me very insecure about our relation. I never know when to express my love, when the time is right for her. I have started to ask her “may I kiss you”, “may I hug you” which I find stupid and unromantic. But the fear of being rejected by her is so devastating.

Since the very first day we met in chatroom I explained to her how important physical contact is to me. I explained to her I need lots of kisses, hugs and other expressions of love. She said she was fine with this. She even told me she need this herself.

I cannot endure the fact that my wife prefer not to touch me, she do not want my kisses, she turns away her mouth when I am trying to kiss her. I find it hard not to receive any hugs or other signs of affection to me. I find it difficult she always having a lot of excuses about why she don’t want physical contact with me. Either she freezes, she is tired, she is watching TV or she has any other excuse of avoiding me. It is true that when I am hugging her and she is in the right mood, she returns my hugs. But not even once since she arrived has she spontaneously hugged me or kissed me. I wonder if she really loves me.

What is love to her? Is it only a commitment, a decision once taken in the past? Should not love result in something sweet, emotional in the presence? Are spouses supposed to live together in an apartment physically separated, as if they were brother or sister, or two friends? When we wake up in the morning she don’t even greets me with a hug or a kiss. Maybe she greets me ‘good morning’, that is all. And when we go to bed she does not want to kiss me or hug me even then.

She says it is because of her African heritage and culture she behaves like this. She says African husband and wife can sit apart from each other, they don’t need any closeness. They don’t hug and kiss, this is something Europeans do. And Europeans they divorce all the time she says.

She had to wait several months to get to see me, her husband. And when she finally sees me and lives with me, she seems to be uninterested in me. She says I am fat, she don’t like my tobacco, she don’t like my country’s food. She complaints about my snoring, and our bed being too small.