Dating red flags no man should ignore

Date: 12-08-2011 11:04 pm (12 years ago) | Author: Franklyn Adam
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- at 12-08-2011 11:04 PM (12 years ago)
(m)
Let's be clear, the early stages of a relationship are nothing more than a mutual exchange of half-truths and exaggerations.
By which I mean, the image both parties portray on the first few dates is a long way from the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So how on earth do you get to know the real her before it's too late?

The answer is that you can't, at least not completely. But you can look out for clues to her personality and the sort of girlfriend she's likely to make. Some of them will be positive, but some of them will be dating red flags no man should ignore. Here are a few of the worst offenders...

Aggression

It could be mentioned casually, or even as a joke, but the moment she talks about the time she threw something at an ex is the moment the dating red flag should start flapping away in your mental breeze.
Don't run yet or at least not until you know the facts. But it does require further investigation. Did she throw a cuddly toy (fine) or a china plate (oh dear)? Was it a one-off, or a regular occurrence? Did he deserve it (always remembering that he would have had to go some to deserve the china plate)? It might not be a throw. Maybe she hit him, or threatened him, or just flew into red-hot rages at the slightest provocation. It could be that, as more details come out, you reckon he didn't deserve it while she believes he did. You might believe that even mild aggression has no place in a relationship, while she cites unbearable provocation. There's no definitive right or wrong in that situation, but it does show a fundamental mismatch in outlook that should give you pause for thought.

Loneliness

You'll spend a long time on the first few dates talking about what she likes to do in her free time - her interests, passions and hobbies. One red flag to look out for is the creeping impression that nearly everything she does she does on her own. If not quite friendless, she certainly spends a lot of time enjoying her own company. What's the problem? Well, possibly none, because she may love it that way, or she may have just moved to the area and still be in the process of making friends. But there's also a chance that she is genuinely lonely, and will quickly attach herself to you, limpet-like, as the man to rescue her from long solitary nights. Which is great, if that's what you want too. And if she has very few friends, you have to ask why. Again, there may be an entirely innocent explanation, but it's worth your while digging it out before you commit.

Playing the field

Hopefully you won't spend a lot of time discussing your respective exes on the first few dates but the subject is bound to come up. An obvious red flag to be aware of is recent heartbreak. If the love of her life dumped her within the last year you should probably proceed with the utmost caution. A less obvious one - because the details are less likely to come out - is the serial try it-and-run merchant. Women have just as much right to play the field - to try before they buy - as men. But it's worth being forewarned that this is what she's doing, so you don't fall head over heels with a woman to whom you're just one of several options. So look out for a history of abrupt endings ("I just walked out one day") and the sense that she didn't like - or at least didn't fall for - any of her exes ("he was an idiot"). Chances are, you won't be the man to change her footloose ways.

Rebounding

In most situations, people on first dates don't like to give away too much. They don't want to appear too keen, desperate or needy.  If it's not so, an alarm bell should start to ring. Yes, it's great to feel wanted so quickly but of greater importance for your long-term happiness is why she so desperately wants a boyfriend. And if she starts talking about a future with you in it, or asking if you want children, or grilling you on your own readiness for a "proper relationship" - all in the first few dates - desperate is what she is.  Because - let's face it - after two or three dates she barely knows you (unless you are dating a friend), so how can she be sure you're such a great catch? In fact, she almost certainly isn't sure, so there must be some other reason for her neediness.  And the usual one is that she's on the rebound. She may be canny enough not to mention the fact directly, fearing - quite rightly - that it would put you off. There may be vague mentions of a previous long-term relationship, but that was "a while" ago and she's "over it now". You need to know about that ex before you get in too deep. If she wants a boyfriend so desperately, it could be in the misguided attempt to bandage the wounds of recent heartbreak. We all carry past relationships around, but they should be very much in the past.

Evasiveness

You're a few dates in but she never takes your calls (only answers texts), you have no idea where she lives and only know that her workplace is "somewhere in town". She hasn't accepted your ‘Facebook’ friendship invitation and she insists on meeting in some pretty out-of-the-way places. If any or all of that is true then, as red flags go, it's hardly a subtle one. She's keeping you at arms length for some reason, and if you want to keep dating you'll need to find out what that reason is. It could be perfectly innocent, of course. She's had a few bad dates recently and wants to keep her distance until she knows she can trust you. But any of this could also be a sign that she's dating multiple men or is dating behind her fiancé or husband’s back. The first might be perfectly acceptable (you may be doing the same) but it's good to know where you stand. The second is a disaster waiting to happen.
Whatever it might be, this slippery behaviour needs to be confronted sooner rather than later.

Posted: at 12-08-2011 11:04 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
- livingday at 12-08-2011 11:06 PM (12 years ago)
(m)
Now you know pals, let's have your experience.
Posted: at 12-08-2011 11:06 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
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- thom at 12-08-2011 11:43 PM (12 years ago)
(m)
I wish i have the time to read all this note, but nevertheless; i will check it out tomorrow.
Posted: at 12-08-2011 11:43 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- gibsonpally at 13-08-2011 12:23 AM (12 years ago)
(m)
Kudos poster. These are real life experiences.
Posted: at 13-08-2011 12:23 AM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- ILOVEIT at 13-08-2011 12:41 AM (12 years ago)
(m)
what u wrote there is absolutely correct. i give u 9/10 .good research n nice write up..
normally i don't use to read long thing on this site do to most of them doesn't make sense after reading them..but i gbadu dis wan for sure

Posted: at 13-08-2011 12:41 AM (12 years ago) | Hero
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- ajanni at 13-08-2011 12:45 AM (12 years ago)
(m)
brb
Posted: at 13-08-2011 12:45 AM (12 years ago) | Grande Master
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- HOPEA23 at 13-08-2011 01:05 AM (12 years ago)
(f)
since ilove don read am no need for me to read it

Posted: at 13-08-2011 01:05 AM (12 years ago) | Addicted Hero
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- Empress_Ameera at 13-08-2011 01:18 AM (12 years ago)
(f)
Very interesting....

Posted: at 13-08-2011 01:18 AM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- mallorca at 13-08-2011 01:36 AM (12 years ago)
(m)
Quote from: thom on 12-08-2011 11:43 PM
I wish i have the time to read all this note, but nevertheless; i will check it out tomorrow.
Grin Grin Grin Grin

Posted: at 13-08-2011 01:36 AM (12 years ago) | Addicted Hero
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- brendivas at 13-08-2011 02:11 AM (12 years ago)
(f)
Very interesting piece @ livingday. But what are the red flags women should be looking out for in dating men?
Posted: at 13-08-2011 02:11 AM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- bigbonecrusher at 13-08-2011 03:36 AM (12 years ago)
(m)
Quote from: brendivas on 13-08-2011 02:11 AM
Very interesting piece @ livingday. But what are the red flags women should be looking out for in dating men?

These points can apply equally to men as well as women. An evasive man is more likely to be married and is having a kick on the side.
A lonely woman or man that finds love is more likely to be very possessive and jealousy. They can kill for love.
The lover on a rebound doesn't make a true love catch until her soul has been purged of her ex.
The aggressive type is to be avoided at all cost
Posted: at 13-08-2011 03:36 AM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- feyee at 13-08-2011 06:51 AM (12 years ago)
(f)
tnx
Posted: at 13-08-2011 06:51 AM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- creativecosmos at 13-08-2011 07:07 AM (12 years ago)
(m)
i lyk d part about not falling in love with a girl dat considers u one out of many options.truly interesting.
Posted: at 13-08-2011 07:07 AM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- donspirado88 at 13-08-2011 08:29 AM (12 years ago)
(m)
 Lips Sealed Lips Sealed Lips Sealed
Posted: at 13-08-2011 08:29 AM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- xena15 at 13-08-2011 09:19 AM (12 years ago)
(f)
Oh,interesting

Posted: at 13-08-2011 09:19 AM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
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- Bantino at 13-08-2011 09:43 AM (12 years ago)
(m)
Noted!!
Posted: at 13-08-2011 09:43 AM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- Renewed at 13-08-2011 12:24 PM (12 years ago)
(m)
Nice one Smiley Smiley Wink

Posted: at 13-08-2011 12:24 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- DHash at 13-08-2011 12:37 PM (12 years ago)
(m)
Nice research we often forget those things and they later lead to some things.
Posted: at 13-08-2011 12:37 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
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- sexsyguy at 13-08-2011 01:20 PM (12 years ago)
(m)
i dey com mak i go c my gf
Posted: at 13-08-2011 01:20 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- giftmurphy at 13-08-2011 02:10 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
ok
Posted: at 13-08-2011 02:10 PM (12 years ago) | Hero
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