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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / The men approach |
on: 4-06-2010 02:14 PM
| | A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
The next day;
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Bear It From Behind!! |
on: 4-06-2010 01:44 PM
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There once was a bear hunter who was having no luck in finding his quarry. All at once, he felt a tap on his shoulder from behind. It was a huge grizzly bear.
The hunter's shock was increased when the bear spoke to him. "You are hunting me, I'll bet", said the bear. "You may choose your punishment. Either I will maul you to death or phyuk you up the arse!"
The hunter didn't want to die, so he consented to give the bear the pleasure of his booty. The bear left satisfied and the hunter returned to his cabin.
The next day, the hunter decided to kill the bear for revenge. But, as luck would have it, the grizzly found him first. Once again, the hunter felt the tap on his shoulder and the bear made his request. The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and took what the beast had to offer.
The third day, the hunter was really irate and decided he would torture and kill that bear! Once more, though, the bear was the better hunter. When the man felt the familiar tap on his shoulder, he expected to hear the grizzly's offer of a choice again, but this time the bear just said, "You're not really into this for the hunting anymore, are you?!
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / What is the difference ? |
on: 4-06-2010 01:07 PM
| | What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
Bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to use it.
What’s the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
You can drop her off where ever you want!
What’s the difference between sin and shame?
It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.
Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a fridge/freezer?
The microwave, the other two leak when they’re phyuked!
Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack
Why are women are like tires?
There’s always a spare. | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Irresistible To Women |
on: 3-06-2010 04:32 PM
| | A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie.
The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.
He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.
He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Dating Vs Marriage |
on: 18-05-2010 04:53 PM
| Dating Vs Marriage
When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue.
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.
When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?"
When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.
When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot.
When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy? "
When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay.
When you are married ....You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???"
When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason.
When you are married ....He grabs your boob any chance he gets.
When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old together.
When you are married ....You wonder who will die first.
When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy."
When you are married ....When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.
When you are dating..... He understands if you "Aren't in the mood."
When you are married ....He says "It's your job."
When you are dating..... He understands that you have "male" friends.
When you are married ....He thinks they are all out to steal you away.
When you are dating..... He likes to "discuss" things.
When you are married ....He develops a "blank" stare.
When you are dating..... He calls you by name.
When you are married ....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to others as "She." | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Attitudes |
on: 18-05-2010 04:41 PM
| | Attitudes
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on.
" She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said. "That's right!!" said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on.
" He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until you change your attitude." | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Good Example |
on: 18-05-2010 04:10 PM
| | Good Example
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up rugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" the judge said to the second boy.
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar approach. I also used
two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, 'This is your A*#S before prison and................' " YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE !!
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Female to Male Translation |
on: 18-05-2010 03:36 PM
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Female to Male Translation
What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! Dave,
you and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear,
if we don't do laundry right now!?"
What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, DAVE
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Daddy Mick |
on: 18-05-2010 02:56 PM
| | Daddy Mick
Little Mick came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his Mom, "of course not."
Little Mick then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Beautiful |
on: 18-05-2010 02:30 PM
| | Beautiful
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little dick head federico, who said
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, phyuking beautiful!'" | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / A Guy's Job |
on: 18-05-2010 02:10 PM
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A Guy's Job
A guy sticks his location,
In a girl's destinstion,
To increase the population,
For the next generation.
Do you get my explanation?
Or do you need a demonstration? | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Mathematics Love |
on: 17-05-2010 04:20 PM
| | A very logical and somewhat cold calculating professor of mathematics sent this fax to his wife:
Dear Wife:
You must realize that now you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
Your Husband,
Professor Malone
--
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
--
Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.
Your Wife,
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