DISAPPEAR

Husband: Hi dear. I’m logged in
Wife: Have you brought the groceries?
Husband: Bad command or file name
wife: But I told you in the morning ?
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort, retry, cancel?
Wife: What about my new TV ?
Husband: Variable not found
Wife: At least, give me your credit card. I need to do some shopping
Husband: Sharing violation. Access denied
Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you
Husband: Data type mismatch
Wife: You are useless
Husband: By default
Wife: What about your salary ?
Husband: File in use. Try after some time
Wife: Who was in the car this morning ?
Husband: System is unstable. Press ALT + CTRL + DEL to reboot
Wife: Are you going to have some snacks ?
Husband: File system full
Wife: What is the relation between you and your receptionist ?
Husband: only user with WRITE permission
Wife: What is my value in this family ?
Husband: Unknown virus
Wife: Do you love me or your computer or you’re being just funny ?
Husband: Too many parameters!
Wife: I will go to my dad’s house.
Husband: This program has performed an illegal operation and will be terminated
Wife: I’ll leave you forever
Husband: Close all programs and logout and then login as another user
Wife: It’s worthless talking to you
Husband: Shutdown the computer
Wife: I’m going
Husband: It’s now safe to turn off your computer

 
IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON...a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

why dont you kill your boss and go to prison?

 

 
A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"


 

hHHHhHhHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH

i agree with onyinyenaija

thank you toshyno. I know say u dey my side. thank you.

Pizza na agege bread en big brother

ask am again oh

me sef, i dey wonder..............

wetin be da thing we razi see, me too, i want to see

at least just rubber medal

blood test
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?

1st Child: I came here for a blood test.

2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?

1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

At this, the second one started crying profusely.

The first one was astonished.

1st Child: Why are you crying now?

2nd Child: I came for a urine test !

ok oh. but at least give me medal

rezi wetin de happen

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went.     
         
She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went   
           
dancing and drinking on Saturday nights at moody blues. Whenever the
woman went
onto                                                                 
         
the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof
is on     
fire, we don't need no water let the mutha-fukkah burn! Burn
mutha-fukkah,     
burn!"                                                               
         
                                                                     
           
                                                                     
           
The crowd on the dance floor would always cheer and holler           
         
appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would make the parrot 
           
yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild.                 
         
This would go on all night long, every time the parrot went out.     
         
                                                                     
           
                                                                     
           
One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into     
           
the choir stand with her. And when the choir started to sing, the   
           
parrot yelled, "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need
         
no water let the mutha-fukkah burn! Burn mutha-fukkah burn!"         
         
She embarrassingly corrected the parrot, "No, you don't say that
here!!"       
                                                                     
           
                                                                     
           
The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same     
         
Mutha-fukkahs that were at moody blues last night!!!                 
         
                                                                     
           

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks
into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties
him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets
on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy
is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time
in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he
wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy
him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He
told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I
told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!!

OK. WILL LOOK FOR ANOTHER ONE

Three pastors took a day off and decided to go fishing after a busy
Sunday. They agreed its so difficult preaching to people all the time
and no one preaches to them. Sitting by the river with little response from the hooks one pastor
thought of sharing his heart with others. He said "Guys its rare to get such an opportunity to be among ourselves
like this. It would be good if we look into our lives and help each
other with our weaknesses".  They all agreed to this. This pastor said "Gentlemen I need help! The
people in my church give a lot of money every week. I started taking
little by little but now I take a big chunk. I can't stop stealing from
the church please pray for me. The day they will find out I will be
fired!" Another pastor said "Brothers your sins are better than mine! I have
slept with every woman in the church including married women. As I
preach my eyes hover over the congregation looking for the next prey. If
this is discovered people will not fire me, they will kill me!" The last pastor's feet were shaking as they were talking. They thought
he had a big story to tell. He stood up and said "My brothers, my
problem is gossip! I can't sit anymore. I have to share this! I will be
back!"

A family was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the USA , sent by their sister.  The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that their mother’s face was practically touching the glass cover.   When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister pinned to their mother’s chest, which read: Dearest brothers and sisters, I am sending you our mother’s remains for burial in  Monrovia ; sorry I couldn’t come along as the expenses were so high.  You will find inside the coffin, under mama’s body, 12 cans of Libby’s corned beef and 12 cans of luncheon meat.  Just divide it amongst yourselves.  On mama’s feet is a brand new pair of Reeboks (size for junior.  There are four pairs of Reeboks under mama’s head for John sons. Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts.  One is for Omo, Roy and the rest are for my nephews.  Mama is also wearing one dozen wonder bras (your favorite) just divide them among yourselves.  The 2 dozens Victoria Secret Panties that Mama is wearing should be distributed among my nieces and cousins. Mama is also wearing 8 Dockers pants, please get one for yourself and the rest are for the boys.  The Swiss watch you asked for is on mama’s left wrist, please get it.  Aunty Ronke, mama is wearing what you asked for:  earrings, ring and necklace.  Please take them.  Also the 6 pairs of stockings that mama is wearing must be divided among the teen-age girls there.  I hope they like the color. Your loving sister, Nene. PS. Please take care of finding a dress for mama for her burial.










 


 

 

8th Position


 

 

7th Position

 

6th Position

 

5th Position

 

4th Position

 

3rd Position

 

2nd Position

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

AND..................

-

-

-

-

THE WINNER IS.....................

-

-

-

-

-

1st Position

-

-

 

 


 
 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------