u must lay an egg (Page 31)

After a night of drinking, Martins crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. 

 

"Who the hell are you? "Demanded Martins, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

 

The mysterious man answered, "This isn't your bedroom, and I'm St Peter".

Martins was stunned.

"You mean I'm dead? That can't be, I have so much to live for,  I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away."

St Peter replied, "Yes, you can be reincarnated, but there is a catch! . We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

 

Martins was devastated but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This isn't so bad," he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

 

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen. How are you enjoying your first day here?

 

"It's not so bad, "replied Martins, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode."

 

"You're ovulating," explained the rooster, "don't tell me  you've never laid an egg before."

 

"Never," replied Martins.

 

"Well, just relax and let it happen." And so he did, and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg popped out from under his tail.

 

An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

 

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him...ever!! !

 

The joy kept coming, and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting,

 

Martins! Wake up, you drunken bastard, you're shitting  on the bed."