Single mothers should not be sigmatized in the society (Page 7)

The stigmatization of single mothers are probably worldwide, but very likely Nigeria may have the most conservative view towards single mothers.

Many widows are not given rights when their husbands die.  Majority of their rights are taken from them.  If their husband did not leave a Will, it is next to impossible for them to be awarded their husband property.  If the widow does not have male children, they have less rights.

Many divorced women are not given rights when they get divorce.  The society shuns her as a bad woman who could not keep her home together.  The children most of the time may be taken away from her and given to the husband because Nigeria is more paternalistic in the order in which children are awarded during divorce.

Many women that have children out of wedlock because their biological clock is ticking and they need and want children are also stigmatized.  Here this single mother may have more power to make a decision because she may be independent and can look after her child or children.  She is still stigmatized because the society may view her as wayward.

Teenage single mothers are probably the ones that suffer the most.  Not only are they ostracized by their families, they are also stigmatized by the society.  There is no consideration that under age single mothers were as a result of rape.  Any man having sex with an under age girl is molesting the girl!  Every teenage girl that is a single mother was raped unless they had sex with a boy their own age and got pregnant.  This is where the society should rally and support these young girls.

Many men in the Nigerian culture are of the opinion that they will not raise another man's child or children because the biological father will eventually come and take their child or children which is not always true.

Children used to be considered as wealth.  Single mothers used to hope on God alone because God is the Father of fatherless children and husband to women that do not have husbands.

As the society stigmatizes these single mothers, single mothers should always hang on to their faith that God is their husband and Father to their children.  Hanging onto that faith destroys all society stigmatization.

well...technically, yes...

Kenyawest, that is a nice, well thought out post, but I have to disagree with the last sentence. Hanging on to faith is like trying to ignore the stigmatization, and the stigmatization will always be there. So ignoring it doesn't destroy it (make it go away).

People, our cultures still hold steadfast that one of the reasons, if not the only reason, for marriage is to have children. So regardless of the circumstance surrounding any single mother (teenage or not), the immediate response is disapproval [stigmatization] in our cultures, because the child is not of wedlock. So, until single mothers are willing to tell people the circumstance surrounding their single motherhood, I suggest that they prepare themselves to face disapproval in our cultures, because the only people who likely to not disapprove are people who know the circumstance surrounding the single mother's single motherhood.

Temi07, I agree with you 100%

Quite impressive.

intresting and impressive post.
 self imposed and teenage single parenthood is our the point of discussion.

The thinking of our people should be addressed, I mean, we should change our orientation towards live. For being a single mother should not be seen from the angle of waywardness but from the larger angle. The man in question will be seen and claim to be  innocent, saint as if the lady pick up the pregnance on the street and we all know it from adam that if a lady call a guy and the guy did not turn up the pregnance will not come to place but the man will be the initiator,organizer of the game, when the result comes up he will be the 1st to deny the event, if this same person should see the girl with another man another problem, he will scream on top of his voice. We should learn to accept the result of what we do not just extending blames to others ,a man that sleep (segxwal intercourse) with an able lady(girl) without any form of protection should be expecting result and the result is pregnance so a man that is not expecting pregnance should think twice berofe his action and claiming to be saint ,ignorance of what we do. By the time, the lady survived the problem and the child becomes somebody accepted in the society, the runaway father will come back and started pleading and saying it's devil, it's not his wish and who will pay the price for  his long absent, the single mother will pay it all , we should not forget , the ladies have their problem but we men should try to understand the result from the beginning so as to minimise the problem in our society, a single mother out of fustration can decide to kill the child, sell the child since the society did not accept her of being a single mother and the man who impregnant her will go ahead to do what he likes doing so my dear people single no be sin, no be sickness, some will say na mistake, some will say na act of God let us learn to correct the anomally and stop the stigmatization.

Nice...

Thanks.  Society stigmatization may continue but no longer for that single mother that hangs on to her faith on God as her husband and having God as Father to her children.  When the single mother focuses on God, the stigmatization around her is no longer valid because her faith has given her a husband who is God, and God as Father to her children.  That single mother is no longer operating under the societies stigmatization, but operating on a different spiritual level.  The society stigmatization does disappear for that single mother under these circumstances.    My experience is that God takes those children and trains them to be very successful because they are His and His alone.  The single mother is under His protection and promise.  I know for a fact that this works.  The society will then start wondering how this single mother is making it with her children.  The single mother knows her secret.  She is married to the most High God, and the best parent for her children is Almighty God.

If stigmatization of single mothers came from religious perspective, then that church is not of God.  Churches are required to look after widows, orphans, fatherless children, etc.

Am trying to find nice words to say what am thinking right now but there are just no nice words and am very sure alot of u r going to wanna bury me if i actually type them out so am going to go think and pray about it for a while.