One day we are up and the next
day we are down. We all struggle
with life challenges and it is such
an amazing feeling to have a
friend who lifts you up. Purple presents ‘The Self Help Series’
that aims to give you tips on how
to grow and be better to achieve
your true potentials! Very few relationships start off by
being abusive, but it is important to
note that usually, some of them
gradually drift in that direction and it
can be very difficult sometimes to
know when to draw a line. Good relationships are based on two-way
negotiation, destructive ones tend to
involve someone forcing their agenda
or laying down the law. Abuse may be
obvious, but it can also be really
subtle. Often, noticing it and being able to help yourself depends on listening to
other people who care about you
telling you that your behaviour is
changing or that something your
partner is doing is really not OK. In our last episode of the Self Help
Series, we brought to you 5 tips to know if you are not in a healthy
relationship. We hope you learnt something from it and you were able to
emerge better and stronger. This
week, we are giving you 5 quick tips
on how you can get out of an abusive
relationship. We have also included
helplines of agencies who can help you on your way out of an abusive
relationship. 1. Say the word NO. From the beginning you must feel able
to communicate your feelings in a
relationship.If this feels difficult or
scary, it is usually a sign that
something is wrong. 2. Do not put up with any
violence or abuse. If you see patterns of pushy, very
critical, violent or abusive behaviour
starting to happen, get out! Even if you
think your partner is actually a good
person with a bad side, domestic
violence only gets worse! Once you start to indulge behaviour that is not
OK, it can be very hard to stop. If
getting out of a relationship feels
frightening, try to get help from
someone you trust. 3. Love yourself. Stay confident and be positive about
yourself and your options. You do not
have to do things that you don’t want
to do and you certainly don’t have to
stay in an unhappy or abusive
relationship! If, however, you fear that asserting yourself could lead to you
being threatened or getting hurt, you
will need to be very careful and will
probably benefit from support -
perhaps from a professional. Look
after yourself, it is important to put this first. Sometimes there is a lot of
confusion and a huge lack of
confidence in abusive relationships
and it can take some time to feel sure
you can see things clearly. 4. Refuse to take the blame. Do not believe an abusive partner who
blames you for their bad behaviour –
you are NOT in control of what another
person does or does not do. Refuse,
inside to accept the blame on their
behalf, even if you are having to pacify them on the surface, in order to keep
yourself safe. 5. Don’t be a hero. A big problem for partners of abusive
people is the desire to believe that
they will enable the abuser to change.
If this describes you, try to let go of
the fantasy of being able to rescue or
sort out the other person. You can not SAVE another person, but you can
encourage them to get the help they
need to save themselves.Usually, you
have to be prepared to move right out
of the way while they try to do this, as
staying tends to keep the chaos and abuse going.
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