OPEN LETTER TO NEPA

 

September 1, 2008
The Area Manager,
NEPA,
Lagos

Dear Sir,
COMPLAINT ABOUT YOUR SERVICES
I am writing to you with a deep sense of humility and gentleness. I consider this a great opportunity to communicate with an entity as awe-inspiring as yourself. Firstly, I bring greetings to you from residents of my area in Lagos .

As a dutiful citizen, I consider this letter as part of my civic responsibilities. Great countries comprise of citizens who are alive to their responsibilities. As a famous musician once said, "Ask not what your country can eat from you but what you can eat from your country."

I have benefited immensely from this country; therefore I have decided to give back.

I want to bring to your notice some strange occurrences which have been happening in my area. I want to sadly inform you that in the last 2 weeks, electricity has been stable. In other words, we sleep and wake up with electricity, we go to work and come back and electricity is still running. This is terribly new and I must add DANGEROUS development in the lives of residents of my area. This is something we are not used to. This is too much electricity for us to handle. In the first week of constant electricity, I started acting strangely. I ironed all my clothes because I didn't know when 'light' will be impounded on your orders. After 2 days, the 'light' was still there. Therefore, I proceeded to re-iron the ironed clothes. My fridge which had not seen '4 hours' of constant light for months suddenly started freezing. In order to enjoy the maximum effects of refrigeration, I have decided to be drinking 20 cups of cold water before I go to sleep. Once I finish a cup, I put the bottle back into the fridge. After 10 minutes, the water cools and I drink. I just don't know what to do. All the Ceiling fans in my house have been switched on alongside my AC. My deck is playing at a high level. My life is now in state of chaos because of constant 'light'. My TV and VCD player are complaining of high blood pressure, as they have been terribly overworked in the last few weeks. Half of my light bulbs have gone on strike to protest their resurrection from blissful death.

All the customers in the beer parlour beside my house are complaining that the beer is too cold and wants to destroy their teeth. Even the rats and cockroaches are complaining that human assailants find it easier to track and exterminate them under electric light than under candlelight.

With the above situation not abating, I decided to seek the reason behind this strange situation. This task was made easy for me when I realized that it was the work of saboteurs. Sabotage is the main reason for anything going wrong / right in our country. Our elections were sabotaged, our president's health is being sabotaged, Obama's chances of becoming the American President are being sabotaged by Nigerians. Therefore this constant 'light' is the handiwork of saboteurs within your work system. These disgruntled individuals are enemies of progress who want you miss your set targets. These enemies want you to score very low on your KPI assessment. I realized this fact when I stumbled on a document showing your Key Performance Indicators for every month. These are:

1. Explosive growth in the amount of Candle-lit dinners and balcony-bedrooms

2. Massive boom in the sales of Candles, torchlight’s, generators, inverters and lanterns

3. Increased work place productivity due to Employees spending at least 16 hours at work because there is no light at home

4. Massive growth of Rock music fan clubs being aided by the endless sound of generators that are switched on overnight.

5. Volume of human blood being sucked by mosquitoes unchallenged by ceiling/standing fans

6. Incidence of heat rashes

7. Large Increase in naming ceremonies: When people have no light at home, what else do they do with their time other than *******?


Sir, I strongly feel that the above achievements will not be possible if we keep on having 'light'. The saboteurs in your workplace will make you look stupid and incapable in front of your bosses. The repercussions of this charade would be unbearable. This is why I am writing to you now. As a responsible citizen, if I do not volunteer this information, I know that I will be the one to suffer. The day you realize that I have been enjoying endless light for 2 weeks, you will pay me back with 2 black months. The end will be worse than the beginning, thereof. I am at a crossroad. This is a major dilemma. Should I keep quiet? No I won't. This is because Evil triumphs when Good Men keep silent. Your incompetent staffs have left the light switch on and gone to sleep. I know you will take back all that we have stolen from you but Please remember my house in the day of recompense.

Your humble servant

Posted: at 18-12-2008 04:43 PM (16 years ago) | Upcoming

no time

Posted: at 18-12-2008 07:13 PM (16 years ago) | Gistmaniac

too long jare!!!

Posted: at 19-12-2008 02:22 AM (16 years ago) | Newbie

lol! dat was funny. well written too. i remember wen dis kin thing happen 4 my area everyone became ice distributors n yea they paid us back with blkout but it was fun while it lasted.

Posted: at 19-12-2008 08:40 PM (16 years ago) | Upcoming

nice one, some people dey for this country wey no want development at all.

Posted: at 20-12-2008 08:56 PM (16 years ago) | Gistmaniac

funny ooooooooooo.
bros na u write am?

---

Posted: at 21-12-2008 06:20 AM (16 years ago) | Gistmaniac

na me give am

Posted: at 23-12-2008 04:25 PM (16 years ago) | Gistmaniac

you know book?

Posted: at 23-12-2008 06:21 PM (16 years ago) | Gistmaniac

Well my relative happens 2 b a manager in a branch of PHCN,on d otherhand i'm printing ur letter now, i ll make sure i pass it 2 him....I assure u by d time d letter gets 2 him,Oboy in 2 mnths u'll be diagonised wit a severe rash disease

Posted: at 24-12-2008 11:01 PM (16 years ago) | Newbie

long o,

Posted: at 25-12-2008 05:53 AM (16 years ago) | Upcoming