To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented colored stationary and they dot their "i"s" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p"s" and "g"s". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she"s dumping you, she"ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
Bathrooms
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman"s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Going out
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup,
Shoes
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.
Mirrors
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola"s head.
Jewelry
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that"s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic?
Direction
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I"ve found a new way to get there", and, "I know I"m in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store".
Nicknames
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brew sky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.
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