Bettygirls
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NOR OF MY BIZZZZZ Reply
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I grew up in a home with live-in househelp(s) and i can guarantee you that it is strictly the wife's business to decide whether she wants help or not and whom to bring. The husband has no busines with the househelp issue(i think he has an ulterior motive). If she must get help, then she should find a relative of hers or her husband's... a total stranger would only ruin her home. Lpus, she should be very careful Reply
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NA THEM SABI ReplyI AM WHO I AM, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN BLOODY DO THE OTHER THING AND FCUK ALL HATERZ
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Na lazy ppl dey find househelps and the loss they get in return cant be quantified. My advice is do the best chores u can and keep the rest for the other days Reply
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9ja pals I was something to hear the latest Anna shared with me. ReplyThank you for your prayers and thanks for all your comments....good lookin out as we say in the US. So, let me share what my friend has ok'd for me to share with you: The househelp that the husband brought is suppose to be friends with his best-friend's wife? The girl is suppose to be 15yrs, Anna says she looks like a teenager but she herself cannot really place the girl's age. Anna said the girl is respectful, speaks english, broken english, yoruba and her native language. The househelp if from Togo and says she is a Christian.Within days of the househelp being in the house, if they had something special (like ice cream, etc.) she said her husband would ask her did she give to the househelp? Anna said her phone got a virus or something, it cuts off at times when a call comes in. Her husband said he was going to buy her another one. My friend says she saw a phone charging, a very nice one, and thought it was her own but the husband said it was for the househelp. My friend said she asked her husband why is going to give it to the househelp when she needs a phone and asked her husband if she could have the phone instead....Anna's husband did give the phone to her and not the househelp. My friend said that her and her husband had an argument about his strange attentiveness to the househelp whether she got this or that; and Anna said she it can't work. The husband asks, what can't work....and then said the girl is not going. The next day, my friend said that the househelp started trying to rub shoulders with her. When she tell her to do something, she would get attitude. The househelp even tried to stand in my friends way as she was passing in the hallway of their home and tried to lie to her husband about it. The husband talked to the househelp in front of Anna, and told the girl that Anna is still the madam and she has full authority over her so she is to respect her madam as she did when she first arrived to the house. What happened between him and his wife had nothing to do with her, so she should not have involved herself. He told her that madam is not going anywhere, even though she said she was. As well, he told the housegirl that if she stayed in her position than everything should work out. When the husband left the room, the househelp kneeled and said she was sorry and asked Anna to forgive her. Anna said she has forgiven but does not want anyone in the house who can come between and divide her and her husband. Also, Anna said the girl is roaming the house in the night at different hours...sometimes cleaning one place or another??? I advised Anna to talk to her husband and share with him that she no longer needs the help or services of this househelp. Anna mentioned a Mountain of Fire?? Church she was planning to go to and the husband said he would go too. Will keep you posted.
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P.S. Sorry for the typos, I didn't have a chance to proof Reply
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Quote from: mchinwendu on 3-03-2013 01:02 AM 9ja pals I was something to hear the latest Anna shared with me. Hmmmmm. Its a pity dat ur frnd has ignored our advice or maybe u didnt tell her wat we all said here. im so sori dat she finally opened doors for trouble wit ignorance. hmmm. d girl is even a teenager. im sori for her ooooooooo. she hasnt been firm in her decision n if she doesnt act fast enof, her hubby will kip seeing dat househelp even after she has bn sent out of dat house. i cnt repeat wat i said earlier so uu nid to re read our comments n sound dem as warning to her. her hubby is sleepin wit dat girl oo. and wen somtin lyk dat starts, it takes tym to stop or doesnt even stop at all unless strict decisions are taken. its a pity o. Thank you for your prayers and thanks for all your comments....good lookin out as we say in the US. So, let me share what my friend has ok'd for me to share with you: The househelp that the husband brought is suppose to be friends with his best-friend's wife? The girl is suppose to be 15yrs, Anna says she looks like a teenager but she herself cannot really place the girl's age. Anna said the girl is respectful, speaks english, broken english, yoruba and her native language. The househelp if from Togo and says she is a Christian.Within days of the househelp being in the house, if they had something special (like ice cream, etc.) she said her husband would ask her did she give to the househelp? Anna said her phone got a virus or something, it cuts off at times when a call comes in. Her husband said he was going to buy her another one. My friend says she saw a phone charging, a very nice one, and thought it was her own but the husband said it was for the househelp. My friend said she asked her husband why is going to give it to the househelp when she needs a phone and asked her husband if she could have the phone instead....Anna's husband did give the phone to her and not the househelp. My friend said that her and her husband had an argument about his strange attentiveness to the househelp whether she got this or that; and Anna said she it can't work. The husband asks, what can't work....and then said the girl is not going. The next day, my friend said that the househelp started trying to rub shoulders with her. When she tell her to do something, she would get attitude. The househelp even tried to stand in my friends way as she was passing in the hallway of their home and tried to lie to her husband about it. The husband talked to the househelp in front of Anna, and told the girl that Anna is still the madam and she has full authority over her so she is to respect her madam as she did when she first arrived to the house. What happened between him and his wife had nothing to do with her, so she should not have involved herself. He told her that madam is not going anywhere, even though she said she was. As well, he told the housegirl that if she stayed in her position than everything should work out. When the husband left the room, the househelp kneeled and said she was sorry and asked Anna to forgive her. Anna said she has forgiven but does not want anyone in the house who can come between and divide her and her husband. Also, Anna said the girl is roaming the house in the night at different hours...sometimes cleaning one place or another??? I advised Anna to talk to her husband and share with him that she no longer needs the help or services of this househelp. Anna mentioned a Mountain of Fire?? Church she was planning to go to and the husband said he would go too. Will keep you posted. Life is damn too short to be sitting around miserable.
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Wetin concern am wit d househelp ReplyWhy must she live there He get hidden agenda, if u take old nd worwor help its possible he go feel frustrated more Bcos u don trick am, try to find out why his eye is not on u again
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9ja pals....I have shared all of your advice with my friend, even though it is not good news on her side at all. ReplyShe said that a pastor came to their homes. She said she told the pastor that her husband has insisted on having a live-in househelp and that the wife is to choose who she wants to help her in the house and what she needs help with. She said she shared that she is looking for a male teenage househelp and immediately she finds, this girl is going and the househelp of her choice (a 10-12 years, a teenager) will move in and help in the house. The husband said again, the girl is not going and the pastor now asked why. The husband said that everybody has been waiting for this girl because she does a good job. My friend said she only found out when talking to the pastor that the husband shared he had to pay extra to keep her from being giving to another family. Anna said she doesn't want anyone in her home that causes division between her and her husband. Anna said that the teenage girl in her house now seems to have a good spirit, reads her bible alot and is smart, as well as hardworking. The attentiveness of her husband to the househelp is where the major problem is. Anna said the teenage girl during the day stays out of her way, does her work, does not dress in a slimmy manner, nor does she tries to put herself in her husband's path. But, my friend says that anything or anyone that is causing division in her marital home is to be removed, so the girl is gone. The one comment about Anna finding out why her husband has taken his eyes off her is a good point...thank you. Unfortunately, this is the 3nd or 4th househelp and the husband said if they have so many, people will start to say they are wicked??? Anna said, the one guy live-in househelp she met in the house left the house so unclean but it really wasn't his work. He tried but let the house and the kids rooms smelling of urine, let people in their home without permission, wore their clothes without permission, let others use things in the house without permission and more. The next househelp she said came in the morning and left in the evening. After the girl did one task she would come in the livingroom and sit down in front of the television. Anna said she would show her what needed to be done and instead of asking if there was anything else after she finished, the girl would come and sit in front of the television. On the first day, the girl slept. My frined told the girl and my friend's husband told the girl she is not to be sleeping until all work is done. The next day the girl was sleeping again and everything that was to get done was not yet because Anna wanted her to finish all she showed the girl the day before but when the house was quiet, my friend said she went to find the girl sleeping again. Anna reported to the husband and when Anna's husband asked the girl, the girl lied and said that she finished everything already. What is surprising is that Anna said that her husband sided with the girl and said, the girl said everything was done. When my friend said, the girl doesn't even know everything to be done, so how can she say all is done. Anna said because this girl just lied for no reason bringing a division between her and her husband, my friend said that the housegirl's help was no longer needed. Then there a teenager who came in the morning and left in the eveing, Anna said that everytime she asked her husband what was normal, he would say my friend is looking for fault. When Anna would report to him (at first because Anna didn't have househelp before Nigeria)to ask how it is handled in Nigeria, the husband accused her of making up false alligations on a teenager. Anna said something happened twice, I think she said she told the girl to do something or prepare something and the girl did another thing and lied about to Anna's husband. See and what's strange is that Anna's husband also got angry with her and she let this househelp go also. There was an older househelp who came and left, and the husband agreed to engage the girl (Anna was still learning what is what and who is who)but then the husband said the woman was evil and if anything happens in that house, it was on Anna's head. Anna said she was too afraid, and told that one that she no longer needed help in the house again. Another househelp who came and left, I think Anna said she was 18yrs, the husband agreed to engage her eventhough he thought she was a 'moraan' -spelling; in the US we would say 'slow'. Anna said the girl broke so many things and she was not firm with the kids but Anna said the girl didn't have a bad attitude so she tried to work with this girl, as she seemed more unexposed to alot of things then mentally slow??? When the girl broke about 20something pieces of dishes, the husband said the househelp had to pay this this. This housegirl's sister talked to Anna and pleaded that they dont make her pay for those dishes. Anna said she would talk to her husband but this sister now called Anna's husband and told him that Anna told her to never ever talk to her husband again or call him. What is shocking is that Anna's husband believed this girl, never asked Anna about it....my friend said it was a disagreement they were having that her husband now said she did this thing. Anna said she promised to God she said no such thing to anyone...and asked her husband why would he just believe that girl like that??? I can personally say that I have not known Anna to be that type of woman. So, why would all these people be trying to give my friend grief and for what? And why in the world is her husband blaming her for the bad intentions and bad actions of those who was suppose to come and help with the housework??So, the husband shares how many househelps my friend has sent away but not giving the reasons. And told the pastor how much money he has spent but she said the husband made the amount so huge and so far from the actual amount. My friend is so discouraged...please continue to pray for her. The pastor talked to the husband and said if a househelp is needed to live in the house that the househelp should be brought for deliverance and the wife is to make her choice. The pastor asked my friend's husband if another househelp is found that the wife prefers...its ok. The husband said if a male househelp is found this one here now will go. Anna said the pastor now asked her husband if he was ok with having a male househelp. The husband said they did have one, and as long as everything works well, he is ok. The pastor said that many househelps are stealing and destroying homes. The pastor asked my friend what does she need help with and said that he will look for a teenager male househelp for them.
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P.S. Please....sorry for all the typos, there are many. Thanks everyone!!!! Reply
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I tink they shud forget abt househelp nd focus ReplyOn their marriage, bcos its gettin complicated
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I will advice you to find out why your husband want a househelp if you can do the jobs without complains, but if no reasonable answer from him I will advise you to look for a male househelp not a female because you will end up losing your man to them, and again even if you must have a female let her not live in your house at all, or to do work till evening or even if she has to do it that way let her work start when he is out for work or when he is in and finish before he comes back in the evening. But always be-careful and watch your husband some Nigerian men are never satisfied not even in a situation like this whereby you are not from Nigeria they might want a woman from their own country, be WISE Reply
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Quote from: Nmeso4Real on 8-03-2013 04:27 PM I will advice you to find out why your husband want a househelp if you can do the jobs without complains, but if no reasonable answer from him I will advise you to look for a male househelp not a female because you will end up losing your man to them, and again even if you must have a female let her not live in your house at all, or to do work till evening or even if she has to do it that way let her work start when he is out for work or when he is in and finish before he comes back in the evening. But always be-careful and watch your husband some Nigerian men are never satisfied not even in a situation like this whereby you are not from Nigeria they might want a woman from their own country, be WISE Exactly..probably he is just lookin for an oda type of candy 
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Thank you everyone for all your comments which I did share with Anna, who was stressing about the happenings in her marital home and with good reason. After reading all (and praying), I too agree that a househelp should be removed from the situation at this time because there is clearly work, attention, and energy that should be used towards resolving some issues in the marriage. ReplyThis is the latest: Anna shared that she did talk to her husband and asked why he is insisting on having a househelp live-in the house with them and what the husband added was still about the same... that he is used to having a househelp live in the house. Anna said that she shared with her husband that the housework she has been doing in their home and the housework the househelp is doing there is no difference; and anyone or anything that divides a husband and wife should be removed. My friend said she told her husband that she no longer needs the help or services of the girl. But, Anna said she noticed that her husband's demeanor changed, he seemed happy in sending the househelp to go get this or that, making a list for meals, checking to make sure she had transport money to and from, asking her on occassion after occassion if the househelp got this or that (sweets or treats), etc. These type of things Anna have been doing and said she felt she is suppose to do but her husband felt it was for him to do whenever??? Anna said that to her, the preoccupation with the househelp seemed somehow...though the girl is just a teenager. After talking to her husband and the pastor talking with her and her husband, Anna said that one evening she started to do the housework in her home again. Before the househelp would begin this task or that, Anna said she would have done it already. Before going to sleep each night all the housework was done. If the househelp began doing something, Anna said she told the girl that she would do it. Her husband was aware and now asked her, do she want him to send the girl away-Anna said she said yes. She said her husband not asked her if she was sure she no longer wanted the help in the house and she said she no longer needs the girl's help. The husband now said, ok...and said he will tell the girl that her services are no longer needed. But, Anna said its like the girl overheard the conversation she had with her husband and that he was going to ask her to go....and that very same day, the girl packed her bags and left on her own. Anna said this is the first and last time she wants to experience such in her home. After looking at many things, Anna said she felt her husband has been unfairly measuring her and comparing what she does to the househelp all along. The househelp just does housework but Anna says that she does the housework and takes care of her family; and always makes sure to make time for her husband. If any errands need to be ran or if something is needed, Anna said she has been getting it. TO ME...it also looks like her husband is trying to have my friend run their matrimonial home according to househelp schedule or past ...when her and her husband is suppose to be starting something new and different together.Anna asked me to thank all of you so so very much...you have helped her work through a very tough time. 9ja pasls.....God's continued blessings to all of you
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Sorry for typos.......passing by fast fast ooo Reply
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Hmmm Reply
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Update: ReplyI shared last that the teenage housegirl left and my friend Anna said she has not taken in any other househelp. She has taken many of your advice about doing the housework herself for right now. I found this info at this site recently and after passing it onto her, so when she does start to look for a househelp later, she will have more information; I thought to also share with you 9ja pals, incase any of you are facing what my dear friend faced. You may have to paste and cut...see www.nairaland.com/237970/house-boy-house-girl Remain blessed
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she demands an explanation form the man Reply
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