Given our contemporary fascination with ‘dead that moves,’ like walking death, warm corpses, and an assortment of living zombies, I thought it only fitting to write about ‘dead love.’
Paying close attention to the title of this post, you’ll recognize the phrase as an excerpt from traditional marriage vows. The literal meaning is, you’re making a love commitment to someone for life. It’s a contract that is supposed to be in effect, if everything works out, until you both die. After that, it’s null and void, right? I guess. How about, if you’re lucky enough to meet and marry your ‘soulmate’ in the course of your life, your relationship continues in the hereafter? Interesting, but this line of thinking will no doubt take us too far afield from what I’m trying to focus on, the role of ‘death in love.’ So we won’t do ‘love after death’ this time around. If we stick with the literal meaning of ‘until death do us part,’ who ever came up with this phrase simply intended to point out that marriage is a lifetime commitment. No doubt this is the source of a lot of anxiety when it comes to making a decision to get married.
Years ago, the forces in society, culture, and religion were firmly behind this commitment and its fulfillment for people who took the marital plunge. In other words, it wasn’t so easy to breakup a marriage. If you haven’t noticed, separating and getting a divorce is a lot easier to do these days. Question is, is this a good thing or bad thing for the institution of marriage?
The people who say it’s a bad thing will be quick to remind you that easy divorcing represents a deterioration of the institution of marriage. They’ll say if getting a divorce is easy to do, people won’t respect their marriage. Married couples won’t be motivated to work on their relationship when things get difficult between them. They will simply separate or divorce. Plus, these advocates of the traditional marriage also warn us that our children are the real losers in the long run. They tell us that when parents get divorced their ability to parent their children is impaired. These proponents of traditional marriage suggest that it’s better to stay married for the kids even if you hate your spouse. Do it for the kids. When they grow up and leave you leave, not before.
The people who say it’s a good thing will tell you that an easier time separating and divorcing these days represents progress for the institution of marriage. They’ll say that a real marriage can only be dictated by real love, not the institutions of society, culture, and religion. Some of them point out that the ending of some marriages is like ‘practice’ before the real game. That people should not get married so early. Instead they should live together, get to know each other’s domestic habits before tying the knot.
They say that people shouldn’t have to marry in order to made love. That sex has very little to do with whether or not a marriage can last. Proponents of this looser vision of marriage suggest that in the long run people should be able to live together or marry until they have found the ‘right one.’ If you’re lucky enough to find this person early, you get to avoid the stresses and legal problems that come with multiple marriages and divorces.
If not, at least you get a chance to find your soulmate instead of being locked up in a marriage that has no love in it. By the way, they also suggest that kids have a better chance of growing up right if they don’t have to grow up in a home with warring parents who are staying together for them.
What do you think? Is it better to stay married for the kids even if you hate your spouse?
Life is 2short to wake up in the morning with regrets. LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS*SOPHIEBABY* :*
Posted: at 20-03-2013 09:41 AM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero
I haven't read the entire write up but here's what I think.
Love in this case (marriage) is not a place to come and go as anyone pleases. Its a house two enter in and commit to never leave,the door behind the two must be locked and the key must be thrown away. And so a decision to stay with ones spouse amid hating them is a wise decision to make. Well because it shows the person values and respects the greatest institution God founded in the garden of eden. And also for a great cause "the offspring" it will enable them to grow up to stable adults. The journey ride in marriage due to hate may not be great but God surely will reward.in his own time,who knows maybe a spark may come back.
Posted: at 20-03-2013 03:27 PM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac
it depends on the age and number of children----- it´s not a wise decision HATRED as u put sophie is a strong feeling...as it migth be trasnfered to the children if the other patner is around. the truth is that most of our mothers stayed back bacause of us the children
Posted: at 20-03-2013 03:29 PM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac
sophiebaby at 20-03-2013 04:57 PM (11 years ago) (f)
Quote from: Omilim on 20-03-2013 03:27 PM
I haven't read the entire write up but here's what I think.
Love in this case (marriage) is not a place to come and go as anyone pleases. Its a house two enter in and commit to never leave,the door behind the two must be locked and the key must be thrown away. And so a decision to stay with ones spouse amid hating them is a wise decision to make. Well because it shows the person values and respects the greatest institution God founded in the garden of eden. And also for a great cause "the offspring" it will enable them to grow up to stable adults. The journey ride in marriage due to hate may not be great but God surely will reward.in his own time,who knows maybe a spark may come back.
Spark"? in this day and age? have u forgotten that The institution of marriage often falls short of its promise...and the greater difficulty lies in the fact that the majority of intact marriages are far from joyful?.
Life is 2short to wake up in the morning with regrets. LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS*SOPHIEBABY* :*
Posted: at 20-03-2013 04:57 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero
sophiebaby at 20-03-2013 05:03 PM (11 years ago) (f)
Quote from: ela214 on 20-03-2013 03:29 PM
it depends on the age and number of children----- it´s not a wise decision HATRED as u put sophie is a strong feeling...as it migth be trasnfered to the children if the other patner is around. the truth is that most of our mothers stayed back bacause of us the children
Yeah i agree wit ya.. but dont you think divorce needs to be well considered, and navigating the children through this process should be undertaken with insight, reflection and empathy? and do you know that many parents claim their kids really don't know anything is wrong with their marriage?
Life is 2short to wake up in the morning with regrets. LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS*SOPHIEBABY* :*
Posted: at 20-03-2013 05:03 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero
Sophie like I said "maybe" the spark would come or not. That's why its called marriage,one will never know the full reason of why God designed it to be so amongst the human race but its certain,its to serve a purpose in making individuals blend with each other no matter what comes,brave ones keep up but cowards back down and dissolves. I think its all about endurance
Posted: at 20-03-2013 05:50 PM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Hmmm difficult question but is going to be hard.. Serious hard.. But for the children sake yeah but how long is it gonna take? Is going to be hard I don't think one will stay self
LOVE COMES TO THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN IT...LET TALK ABOUT LOVE.
Posted: at 20-03-2013 07:31 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero
sophiebaby at 21-03-2013 10:13 AM (11 years ago) (f)
Quote from: Omilim on 20-03-2013 05:50 PM
Sophie like I said "maybe" the spark would come or not. That's why its called marriage,one will never know the full reason of why God designed it to be so amongst the human race but its certain,its to serve a purpose in making individuals blend with each other no matter what comes,brave ones keep up but cowards back down and dissolves. I think its all about endurance
you really need to make a re-think on the highlighted...
Life is 2short to wake up in the morning with regrets. LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS*SOPHIEBABY* :*
Posted: at 21-03-2013 10:13 AM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero
sophiebaby at 21-03-2013 10:16 AM (11 years ago) (f)
Quote from: HOPEA23 on 20-03-2013 07:31 PM
Hmmm difficult question but is going to be hard.. Serious hard.. But for the children sake yeah but how long is it gonna take? Is going to be hard I don't think one will stay self
Indeed! u got me thinking
Life is 2short to wake up in the morning with regrets. LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS*SOPHIEBABY* :*
Posted: at 21-03-2013 10:16 AM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero
2 edged sword situation...u stay, dangerous for d kids cos dey r likely to grow up emulating wat they see their parents do everyday...xpecially d male child. He culd grow up wit dat animal mentality dat "its ok to hit a woman" cos he'l believe d only language a woman understands is dat hot slap! On d other hand, if u decide to leave, its equally dangerous cos u just cnt compare a kid frm a home where d family tries to stay together and a kid from a broken home in terms of good morals and moreso, choosing to leave means you place ur happiness above dat of ur kids. Sophia d bottom line is, stay n suffer pain n giv ur kids a chance to live a good life plus a chance to rekindling ur relationship's lost flame or leave n enjoy personal freedom and expose ur kids to societal ills.
On top of the world...in front of the crowd
Posted: at 21-03-2013 11:33 AM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac
sophiebaby at 21-03-2013 12:29 PM (11 years ago) (f)
Quote from: draG9 on 21-03-2013 11:33 AM
2 edged sword situation...u stay, dangerous for d kids cos dey r likely to grow up emulating wat they see their parents do everyday...xpecially d male child. He culd grow up wit dat animal mentality dat "its ok to hit a woman" cos he'l believe d only language a woman understands is dat hot slap! On d other hand, if u decide to leave, its equally dangerous cos u just cnt compare a kid frm a home where d family tries to stay together and a kid from a broken home in terms of good morals and moreso, choosing to leave means you place ur happiness above dat of ur kids. Sophia d bottom line is, stay n suffer pain n giv ur kids a chance to live a good life plus a chance to rekindling ur relationship's lost flame or leave n enjoy personal freedom and expose ur kids to societal ills.
now ur getting it all wrong!!! .. stay and suffer.. so that the male child can emulate like u said? yes i know that one ought to decide to invest more time and energy into building a stronger marriage with their spouses by working through their differences together but remember u cant serve two masters bro!!!
Life is 2short to wake up in the morning with regrets. LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS*SOPHIEBABY* :*
Posted: at 21-03-2013 12:29 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero
Omilim
ela214
HOPEA23
FlyMamacita
draG9
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