Is marriage a must-have or is it simply a nice-to-have?

at 04:46 AM, 4/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(12009 | Hero) (f)
As more and more black people in our network stay single and the average age of marriage continues to rise, it makes you wonder if marriage is even important anymore.We’ve seen some successes over the last 20 years, in terms of black wealth and education, but we haven’t really reaped those same results when it comes to marriage.

So why aren’t we married or at least worried that we won’t get married anytime soon?  To be quite frank, we just don’t care.  Sure there are some of us who would like to get married at some point, but do we make it a priority?  Nope.  A few weeks ago, I sat down and really examined the reasons why.

We’re Inherently Selfish

Most black people are worried about succeeding in life and personal gain.  It’s really hard for a black person to make it in America.  We have to struggle to make it out of lesser-than-great neighborhoods, we struggle with cultural differences in education and we struggle to ascend to the same heights as our white peers in corporate America.  While we’re worrying about doing all of that, we’re not thinking about family.  Case in point, you’ll hear more black people say, “I want to get myself established before I get married” than you’ll hear say, “I want to get marriage out of the way so I can focus on my career.”

Fear of Failure

I don’t think black people can come to grips with the blaring statistic that 52 percent of all marriages end in divorce.  They aren’t trying to fail at a marriage, because they know it’s expensive and can lead to other commitments like child support. I can tell you from personal experience, 50 percent of your friends, who are married, got married for the wrong reason.  There are some people who get married because a child was born, because they were together for so long, or because of family pressure.  Those are horrible reasons to get married. Subtract all the people who should have never been married, and you’ll realize that, although it’s hard work, success in marriage is an attainable goal.

Black Men Don’t Associate Marriage and Children with Success

Ask a black man what it means to be successful. I guarantee you the last thing you’ll hear out of his mouth is, “being married with a nice family.”  He’ll hit the usual: education; great career; money in the bank; able to take care of himself and maybe even nice house and car, but rarely will he say, “beautiful wife and kids.”  It just doesn’t occur to him.  Those things fall into a different category for him.  It’s a travesty. In our community we’ve lost sight of the importance of marriage.  I often ask men, “What do you think would be the perception of a president who was married versus one who is single?” The perceived qualities of married men are: reliable; mature; successful; focused; goal-oriented; trustworthy and honorable.  I think all men would like to have those qualities associated with them.

While most people say they would like to get married and have a family, they show no signs of actually moving toward doing that.  The fact remains that in the black community we don’t relate marriage to success, virtue or maturity.  This is really only prevalent in our community.  Our white counterparts have their fun in school, but when they enter their young twenties, they are looking for lifelong commitments.  Marriage is only going to happen if we make it a priority.  Is marriage important?  Yes, it’s very important. There are several benefits to marriage in our society.  Married individuals tend to excel in every facet of society, whether it’s personal, professional or family.  Black people can continue forcing themselves to think it’s not important, but the writing is on the wall.

What are your views??

Published at: 04:46 AM, 4/03/2011 (7 years ago)
Author: PreetyInstinct
Problem with this article? Please email reporter[at]naijapals[dot]com or visit our contact page

HOPEA23 at 12:28 PM, 4/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(22429 | Addicted Hero) (f)
wow pretty yyoou actuaally post this...damn..i need my eye to lengthy and too small for me to see ....meanwhile,all i can say is that marriage is not for everyone.

truenaija2 at 12:37 PM, 4/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(5572 | Gistmaniac) (f)
mariage is neccessary but no must GOD that created us gave us libert6y he gave us d freedom to choose lIBERTY IS gods GIFT TO MAN ; but its neccessary cos havin sex outside marriage is fornication and as we all know we r no firewoods but if u can stay without having sex its okay its no big deal but its important u do it when u r ready and with the right one
PreetyInstinct at 03:25 PM, 5/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(12009 | Hero) (f)
Quote from: HOPEA23 on 12:28 PM,  4/03/2011
wow pretty yyoou actuaally post this...damn..i need my eye to lengthy and too small for me to see ....meanwhile,all i can say is that marriage is not for everyone.

Lol no vex oo Tongue

dirtykid at 01:24 AM, 6/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(17702 | Hero) (m)

estilizo at 03:13 PM, 6/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(3631 | Gistmaniac) (f)

Youngstoriez at 03:21 PM, 6/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(4457 | Gistmaniac) (m)
To me...its a must have and nice to have all at the same time!! must marry oo......i must nice to marry oo!! lol
Youngstoriez at 03:47 PM, 6/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(4457 | Gistmaniac) (m)
Quote from: Youngstoriez on 03:21 PM,  6/03/2011
To me...its a must have and nice to have all at the same time!! must marry oo......i must nice to marry oo!! lol, i didnt even read the points b4 replying to ur post!!....Well, actually u've made some goood points there..its true ooo...all what u've written down true!! me, its very important, very important to me to an extent, dat i feel that without it....i cant make out my future and dreams with happiness, even if i'm rich and sucessfull...i feel the family i'll make is my happiness, my world...the family i have now, makes me very happy, my family is my whole world..., and i'll love it if i make my own family too, imagine it with ur wife and kids all thru with happiness and love....!! Its true dat cos of our selfishness......we cant reach our dreams...cos of our fear.....we cant reach our dreamsss!! Marraige could be the source of any one's success....bsides any sex outside anyone of una wey do am..take note oo!! lmaoooo!!.....i love marrraige....Marraige is must have and a NICE to have!!!!
laydeelaracraft at 03:54 PM, 6/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(3256 | Gistmaniac) (f)
true that it is such a shame...esp the bit about men not associating starting up a family with success
LemoOde1 at 11:05 PM, 6/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(17 | Newbie) (m)
not really, but because of fornication and adultry, you can get married
dirtykid at 01:16 AM, 7/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(17702 | Hero) (m)
Get married, reproduce just like mummy and daddy did to produce you. You're in serious dept for that to another person.

kemisolaa at 11:56 AM, 7/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(3 | Newbie) (f)
Hi preety, this is really cool. Marriage is sacred, beautiful and honourable. It simply a nice to have.
Cynthiaorji at 12:37 PM, 8/03/2011 (7 years ago)
(27 | Newbie) (f)
 Smiley men marriage is nice to have
chicco77 at 12:35 PM, 26/08/2012 (6 years ago)
(22445 | Addicted Hero) (f)
 Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes
chicco77 at 09:08 AM, 11/09/2012 (6 years ago)
(22445 | Addicted Hero) (f)
chicco77 at 03:36 PM, 14/04/2013 (5 years ago)
(22445 | Addicted Hero) (f)
 Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes


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