Hi everyone, i need your advice. My friend's brother wanted to marry his ashanti girlfriend of 7years. They have been through the worst together, from college to real world. from break ups to heartbreaks, they have been there for eachother. But he proposed back in february, and in the igbo culture there is what you call the introduction and that is when the couples introduce eachother to their families. so anways, my friend's brother knew that the girl's father is an ashanti chief back in ghana, so basically the girl is kind of royal. Well anyways, other than that he didnt know how ashanti martial customs involving children are, until he went to ghana and was told that if he decided to go on ahead and marry this girl, that the children if anything goes wrong, if she dies, if she divorces him, etc, any form of separation, that any child born from that union, automatically belongs to her side of the family, and not his, so he cannot claim the kids. And in Ghana, especially because she is ashanti and of royal lineage, which traces its lineage through the maternal sides, he automatically gives up the right of claiming the kids. So if he died and was divorced or separated at the time, and had children with her, the kids can carry his last name of the mother allows, but the children's identity remain ashanti, not half igbo. And because Ghana traditionally is in many ways ruled by the king( yes ghana is not exactly a democracy, its like uk, except that the king has certain powers in the government in ghana), so the idea of superiority of mothers is embedded in their schema of things. Unfortunately the IGBOs are Patriarchal society.
So when told this, his kinsmen told him to forget the girl and go find another girl to marry, and he is really considering walking away from the 7year relationship because of the tradition.And no when you are african, LOVE is not enough, it doesnt concur everything. Anyways so my uncle happens to be on e of the kinsmen that followed him to ghana for the introduction, and he also told my friend's brother to walk away and find another girl. So what do you think, should he walk away from her, because of what she cannot control.Its her tradition, and unfortunately she was born royal, so its her fault. The only way she can marry him and the children remains his is if the King denounces her whole family royal lineage,and banishes her family, which would never happen unless her mother committed an abomination of against the throne. So that is the story. Many of you might not know but ghanians mixed of Nigeria heritage, ex: Sakordie Obidi, Yvonne okoro, yemi blaq and etc in many respect do not claim their paternal heritage,like yoruba or igbo, they claim ashanti. So what do you guys think He should do, walk away? or go ahead and marry her and give up his claim on the children?
Posted: at 26-08-2011 06:50 PM (13 years ago) | Upcoming
jossy4reall at 26-08-2011 07:47 PM (13 years ago) (m)
Seven yrs of relationship is not seven days or seven months..............so they must have been planning for the marriage long time ago which is enuf for the gal to educate him on this issue of their tradition..................to me the gal played on his intelligence though she seems to love him very much dats y she stick to him all dat long..............Now d guy have enuf reason to walk out of the marriage without hurting or having problem wit anybody.......... For d fact that d guys own tradition is contrary to that of the gal.......I dont see a reason y he will engage him self in dat marriage........and d gal in question knowing fully well dat dia kind of tradition is not common and she refused to inform the guy on time....
He has to opt out now bcuz there are more of the traditional thing dat will erupt in the future which wil still go against the guy..
Love or Hate me its ur Biz, I have more important things to think abt since u never gonna change me
Posted: at 26-08-2011 07:47 PM (13 years ago) | Hero
Seven yrs of relationship is not seven days or seven months..............so they must have been planning for the marriage long time ago which is enuf for the gal to educate him on this issue of their tradition..................to me the gal played on his intelligence though she seems to love him very much dats y she stick to him all dat long..............Now d guy have enuf reason to walk out of the marriage without hurting or having problem wit anybody.......... For d fact that d guys own tradition is contrary to that of the gal.......I dont see a reason y he will engage him self in dat marriage........and d gal in question knowing fully well dat dia kind of tradition is not common and she refused to inform the guy on time....
He has to opt out now bcuz there are more of the traditional thing dat will erupt in the future which wil still go against the guy..
Bros, don't look at it like that. Yes 7 yrs is a long time but sometime no matter how much u plan and discuss the details we do 4get some important one. They probably planned but didn't discuss in details, shit happens. So sorry 4 the guy, but if he luvs her and she him, then this information should not stop them both. The reason is the no mater what tradition says, or what the elders say, it is left 4 the parents 2 implement it, and most parents don't care 2 do so.
Confucius says: Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.
Posted: at 26-08-2011 08:56 PM (13 years ago) | Upcoming
which kind yeye tribe be that...no matter what the children belongs to the father family..i don't know what he see on that girl self..to hell with the girl and her family plus their customs....
LOVE COMES TO THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN IT...LET TALK ABOUT LOVE.
Posted: at 26-08-2011 11:08 PM (13 years ago) | Addicted Hero
trolling at 26-08-2011 11:43 PM (13 years ago) (m)
How can they claim his children as theirs, did the seed come out of them or me,the man carries the name of the family and not a woman or her family.If she wants to be with him,she should forget about their traditions because that tradition is backwards and senseless, to hell with their royalty, royalty comes through the lineage of men not women.If that guys gives in to that senseless tradition that means he doesnt know what it means to be man, but if the guy wants to play their family, he can go ahead and marry their daughter but should keep his distance from them after they get married,but should sit his children,especially his son and educate him about his traditions,how can some people ever think that my children belong to my wife's family,how stupid can that be.By the time I get old, my son would have become a man that can stand his ground against his mothers senseless traditions.What a bunch of stupid and senseless royals so-called.
Posted: at 26-08-2011 11:43 PM (13 years ago) | Gistmaniac
How can they claim his children as theirs, did the seed come out of them or me,the man carries the name of the family and not a woman or her family.If she wants to be with him,she should forget about their traditions because that tradition is backwards and senseless, to hell with their royalty, royalty comes through the lineage of men not women.If that guys gives in to that senseless tradition that means he doesnt know what it means to be man, but if the guy wants to play their family, he can go ahead and marry their daughter but should keep his distance from them after they get married,but should sit his children,especially his son and educate him about his traditions,how can some people ever think that my children belong to my wife's family,how stupid can that be.By the time I get old, my son would have become a man that can stand his ground against his mothers senseless traditions.What a bunch of stupid and senseless royals so-called.
lol, its funny, but ashanti's whether royal or not believe that the lineage start with the mother. Every ghana man knows that, atleast i hope they do. Thats why when referring to Ghana its people say mother, not fatherland like Naija. Anyways.. His only issue was that the family insisted that he recognize that before he jumps into the marriage, because if it doesnt work out, he loses his kids, basically since the girl is royal she has to follow tradition.no ifs and butts. My friend's dad told the son that if he is gonna insit on marrying on the girl, that he better plan on marrying two wives,but the guy says he needs time to think about. As for her, she said she assumed he knew, since she told him she was royal and ashanti. Everyone loves the girl, she is mad cool, but she was stupid in thinking that since he is an igbo boy born in ghana that he would know ashanti women determine the lineage. But i get where you are coming from. Anyways Thank you all for the comments. Personally I told him to tell her if he marries her, that he will have to marry another wife, and see how she reacts.
Posted: at 27-08-2011 12:05 AM (13 years ago) | Upcoming
trolling at 27-08-2011 12:20 AM (13 years ago) (m)
dont care what her traditions is but the lady is putting her family before him....here's the key: a man and a woman shall leave their family and become one.When I get married I will never allow my family or my wife's family to interfere with my family,this is what brings division among family,too many cooks spoil the broth.Funichi r u still conceited?,I still remember your previous posts lol
Posted: at 27-08-2011 12:20 AM (13 years ago) | Gistmaniac
what kind of stupid tradition and condition is that huh? my children won't bear or belong to me because of one silly and royal shit!..you better tell the person involve to take a walk b4 he regret it sometime in future.
The difference between GENIUS and STUPIDITY is that, genius has it limits..
Posted: at 27-08-2011 12:20 AM (13 years ago) | Hero
sorry!! i dont think its fair, dismissing ones culture for somethg as little as dat.....ow can she claim d kids just like that aint even the legal way....no wonder all this so called ghanaians are actually nigerians in disguise with paternal side being nigerian but cuz of some tradition rule stating that dey denounce deir nigerian side n claim 2 b better dan nigerians but dey stealin naija brain!! lool..................ANYWAYS , DONT MARRY HER OO LOOL SERIOUSLY DONT SOUND FAIR AT ALL, YOU HOPE TO CARRY ON UR OWN LINEAGE ....OBVIOUSLY ITS MAKING ME FINK WHAT I SHOULD DO ABOUT MY OWN FUTURE NOW LOL I WOULD WANT MY KIDS TOO HAHA
Posted: at 27-08-2011 11:05 PM (13 years ago) | Upcoming
sammy999 at 28-08-2011 01:39 AM (13 years ago) (m)
everyone knows that a man marrying into a royal family is like signing up to slavery or like giving up your paternal rights. when you marry a woman from a royal family, you are in essence committing yourself to serve her and be loyal to her. look at queen elizabeth's husband prince charles for example, he is serving the queen and has even said it o many occasions in interviews. if you notice when they are go out for an occasion, you will see prince charles behind the queen like her bodyguard so that is how it is. so it is left for the guy involved to decide, if he can forfeit his children for the girl all in the name of some royal family bullshit then fine. this is not a matter to be contemplated at all, any guy in his right senses cant marry a woman who will later claim his kids and leave him empty-handed. in most cases royal families are always very rich so it might actually be worth it for a money lover but if the family of the girl in question arent stupendously rich then he should leave her immediately, let them eat their stupid tradition
Posted: at 28-08-2011 01:39 AM (13 years ago) | Upcoming
I can understand the Ashanti tradition,what about the Igbo tradition? If the guy cannot make them see his point of view (which is his own custom) I think he should walk away.
Posted: at 28-08-2011 02:51 AM (13 years ago) | Gistmaniac
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