Should I tell my husband that my sister is actually my daughter?

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at 28-11-2012 02:31PM (7 years ago)

(30950 | Addicted Hero) (f)

I currently live in the UK and I am married to the most loving guy that I can ever think of, trust me I have been around so I know the attribute of the word "most loving guy" though all is not perfect at the moment but the dilemma now is that I am stuck between my mother, myself, my husband and our four months old baby and I really think I have made a very serious mistake courtesy of mother and all her advice.

I have known my husband for close to 12 years and of which have been married now for 2yrs. Unknowingly to my husband I had a baby for my secondary school love just after I finish my SS3 exams in Nigeria, and with the help of my mother we were able hide this from everyone apart from my immediate family because my then boyfriend denied the pregnancy and my mother did not want word to get out the her most precious teenage child has become pregnant.

To cut the long story short, I gave birth to my first baby girl in a very small town in one of my mothers numerous friend's village, and my mother flew me abroad shortly after, and my baby was given to an Orphanage home near Port Harcourt run by again one of my mother numerous friends.

Anyway, that was such a long time ago now cos I am now a hard working girl living in the United Kingdom with a very good job at a blue chip company, and my baby girl Uju who is almost 13yrs old was brought up at the orphanage until she was six years old, then my mother who had moved to Lagos return to PH, and adopted my little girl and even till today my little girl doesn't know her mother she think my mother is the God sent woman who rescued her from the Orphanage and she is a good girl, she lives with my mum in PH as my junior sister and she calls me her elder sister.

I forgot to add that a childhood history is very similar to this, through my childhood I think my mum had at least four husband or live in partners, I have four siblings and only the two eldest are apparently from the same father, and all our fathers abandoned us and do not want any thing to do with us even to this day after establishing contacts with them when we grew into adults, my mum says they were all bad men but now that I am much older I am beginning to doubt, she has always told us that our father absconded when they was no money but that was until she started telling us who our real father is, I only knew mine two years ago and I have made contacts but my real father is not interested at all, even to meet me or talk on the phone talkless of my mum, but my mum said that he has always been a bad man and that it is because she loved all of us that made her bring us up all alone by herself when all the men in her life left for dead.

As I was saying, in my early childhood I also was sent to the orphanage till about the age of four years before I was brought to a new house with my mum and siblings and we were calling my mum "aunty" because she had told her current boyfriend/partner that we were her own younger siblings and she had lost her own parents and was charged with the responsibility of looking after all five of her younger brothers and sisters (three girls and two boys). Things became OK for a while until my mum's boyfriend found out and accused also her infidelity, my mother's boyfriend who we used to call Uncle threw all of us in the street in the full glare and jeers of the whole neighborhood, that day remains one of the most embarrassing days of life till date.

My eldest brother once told me that they have had to deal a lot more than myself in regards to my mum lies being found out that my own father whom I never really knew also threw all of us out the house because our mum was found out of the same lies and that was why I was sent to the orphanage because they were homeless at some time, and that half of the people I called my uncles then were actually our mum's sleeping partners and they (my elder sibblings, I am the last btw) used to hear when they were having sex with mum, and if they tried to confront her that mum used to beat the hell out of them and send them out to look for food and not return until they have money for food and school fees.

The funny thing is that I have sat down and looked at my mother life and I do not want to have that kind of life, today my mother can be said to be very comfortable but I do not think she is very happy, I think she is very lonely and unhappy though knowing my mum she will never admit and its the same with all her numerous friends, they are all sad and unhappy with their current situation, some have been accused of their husband's death to take over properties, the others either their husbands have left and never returned or nonchalant to their well being, then with all their children being totally disrespectful to them, all having problems in their own lives, its either one is in jail in a faraway country or the other one has been jobless for ages or still no husband after countless suitors would come, have numerous failed marriages or its either one thing or the other and out of all my mothers children I am the only that seems to doing OK, and this is mainly because of my husband, he has always been there for me from when I arrived in the UK every other person including my siblings agrees except my mum and she has always been trying to cause trouble between myself and my husband saying he is not good for me and that he is using me even after having a baby for him who is just four months old now, my mum is indirectly telling me to leave my husband of two years that me and my four months daughter will be better off without him and that I will have grave consequences in the future if I do not leave him on time that I will always find someone else that will love me more.

Please readers tell what I should do, should I tell my husband that the little girl that I told him was my younger sister in Nigeria is my daughter or should I keep mute, please don't forget the first daughter does not yet know that I am her real mother. I know my husband very well and I think he will never forgive me nor will he forget and the way he acts sometimes makes me think he may already have had heard some of these stories about my mum because he has always been a very respectful person but now he doesn't have any single respect for mum and sometimes extends to myself, I know his trust for me has greatly diminished that makes me think he is still in this marriage only because of our four months old daughter, I am beginning to think he may be suspecting some things especially with my mum's background because its like he can see through my mum and I am also beginning to think that is the reason that my mum is trying to break us up before the truth comes out to save me from the kind of embarrassment she received the numerous times that she was found out. My mum may be a lot of things but I still love her dearly and I think I will still always love her.

I know telling my husband this will greatly hurt him, but I don't want to hurt him that much also I don't want to lose him if he finds out or should I just enjoy while it lasts, last time I have similar situation like this was when I was in the university but then we were just lovers, I cheated on him numerous times though he never caught me red handed but sometimes out of the blue he starts throwing hints here and there that only if he knew of my affairs that he would know of such things and I could not help but confessed to him, this damaged our relationship for a very long time and he was out of my life for a while then things returned to normal, he forgave me because he thought I told the whole truth and no secrets, he made me swear that I am not hiding anything else from him, the way he said it was almost like he knew about my past but I took a gamble and did not spill, he just smiled and said I love u then we got married shortly afterwards. He loves our baby girl so much that I am afraid the truth will deprive this young baby the enviable love of her father when the truth comes out, just like I myself lost out on my fathers affection due actions of my mother and I do not want this to continue to my daughter. Please honestly what should I do

mary11 at 28-11-2012 02:58PM (7 years ago)
(18392 | Hero) (m)

God jst bless ur family with waywardness.....
Anywhere I got no advice 2 gve cos if I tell u wetin dey my mind u no go like me talkless of 2 take d advice

dlimelite at 28-11-2012 03:12PM (7 years ago)
(13810 | Hero) (f)

ela214 at 28-11-2012 03:12PM (7 years ago)
(2973 | Gistmaniac) (f)

u have already made the mistake of not telling him @ 1st,tell him now else the world will tell him 4 u.and hey it will be devastating then.
notin like truth in marriage,
maryclaret at 28-11-2012 03:22PM (7 years ago)
(2195 | Gistmaniac) (f)

You have to tell him now before he finds out from someone else. Nothing is hidden under the sun. Even if he doesn't find out now, he will later. Tell him and apologize for not mentioning it before. If he loves you like you say he does, then he will forgive you. It won't be easy though cause you kept it from him for 12 years. Another thing is that you need to pray for your mom cause no matter what, she is still your one and only mom. Pray that God change her life for the better. Wish you the best.

maryclaret at 28-11-2012 03:23PM (7 years ago)
(2195 | Gistmaniac) (f)

Another thing, of course you know you have to start building a relationship with your daughter now so that time will give her the opportunity to know you better. Don't wait till she is much older and starts to despise you.

lanudja at 28-11-2012 03:34PM (7 years ago)
(8826 | Hero) (f)

Long thing... Bt u were suppose to learn frm ur mother... Al d same, what ever decision u conclude on taking... I wish u luck.
presciousoluchi at 28-11-2012 03:45PM (7 years ago)
(1087 | Gistmaniac) (f)

follow your heart,,,,,whatever ur heart tells u to do then do it........period.

toibeli at 28-11-2012 03:51PM (7 years ago)
(4386 | Gistmaniac) (m)

I am sorry to say that your mum has not been a very good influence in your life. I don't mean to be insulting
to your mum, I think her life is full of lies. It's a shame that you have to go through all that lies, but you can
change  this by telling your husband the truth today. It  wont hurt if you try to establish a mother and daughter
relationship with your daughter as soon as you can. Goodluck!
Unikly at 28-11-2012 04:16PM (7 years ago)
(632 | Upcoming) (f)

Just Tell Him.
Ohale at 28-11-2012 04:35PM (7 years ago)
(36 | Newbie) (m)

Bia which kind nonsense talk be dis sef?
nablegalaxy at 28-11-2012 05:04PM (7 years ago)
(60 | Newbie) (m)

If what u wrote is true, ur family needs spiritual deliverance. Change from ur old life and apologize to ur husband for keeping the secret for such a long time, and let the secret unveiled. The earlier the better.
osamabinladin at 28-11-2012 05:18PM (7 years ago)
(13447 | Hero) (m)

This nollywood movie script go sell oooo
beneno at 28-11-2012 07:56PM (7 years ago)
(25964 | Addicted Hero) (m)

poster i beg u no vess ooooooo.i know say no be you this thing realy happen to,you mean say after ur mum carry 4 good hildren for her womb for nine months each and also breat feed each an every one of una for not less than a year and six months each,the new boyfriend at that time still didnt noticed it from her?? some people dull oooooooooo.sorry oooooooo
chicco77 at 28-11-2012 08:12PM (7 years ago)
(22128 | Addicted Hero) (f)

 Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Bettygirls at 28-11-2012 08:16PM (7 years ago)
(4011 | Gistmaniac) (f)

tell him the truth
winace at 28-11-2012 08:18PM (7 years ago)
(30152 | Addicted Hero) (f)

Quote from: ela214 on 28-11-2012 03:12PM
u have already made the mistake of not telling him @ 1st,tell him now else the world will tell him 4 u.and hey it will be devastating then.
notin like truth in marriage,

U spoke my mind ela
winace at 28-11-2012 08:21PM (7 years ago)
(30152 | Addicted Hero) (f)

Pls tell him d truth now. Most of wat happen and wats happening now is nt ur fault. Fight for ur marriage and dnt be surprise he miwe understand u. GOD is ur strength. I wish u well.
jamesbondchick at 28-11-2012 09:20PM (7 years ago)
(3643 | Gistmaniac) (f)

Sins of d mother is living with d daughter, abeg carry your cross

gbojac at 28-11-2012 09:50PM (7 years ago)
(2296 | Gistmaniac) (m)

Ask him to read this story on gistmania.
Ask his opinion after reading.
Now you know what he says abt it !!!
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