You call yourselves “just friends,” but you know as well as everyone else does that you’re more than that. You know where he is when he’s not with you. You spend your weekends together. You travel together. You go to Shoprite and the cinema together. You say “we” a lot, and all of your other friends know who “we” is.
You are dating without benefits. You are serving all of the functions of life partner for each other, without, you know, any of the good stuff — romance, commitment, and sex. (Though any of these elements might sneak in and out of the relationship on occasion, usually aided by alcohol.)
You are a substitute boyfriend or girlfriend, and this, my friend, could drag on for years, especially if neither of you meets someone else — someone you can call your actual boyfriend or girlfriend. This is not great news.
But it’s not bad news, either, necessarily. A substitute relationship will always be one of the most important, confusing, infuriating, amazing entries on your list of major exes. A substitute relationship will affect your life so profoundly that it will feature prominently on the official slide-show-tour of your past.
However, here are a few things you should know before getting entangled in this messy kind of coupling:
1. Everyone will ask if you’re a couple, why you’re not a couple, and when you’re going to be a couple.
Seriously, everyone! All of your friends, his friends, bartenders, the lady at the spa who assumes you want a couples massage and so on. This grilling will not end until you either become a couple or stop hanging out so damn much, so figure out a clever go-to answer. And please let me know if you do think of a good one.
2. You know how there’s stuff you’ll do only for your longtime mate like check on her when she’s sick or help him choose what to have for dinner every night? You will find yourself doing those things for this person.
I mean, this is the good news/bad news part, right? It’s awesome when you have someone to go get you more Actifed when you’re down with cold, but it’s irritating when you find yourself planning out his menu for the next week when instead you should be tending to your 2go profile to find a real boyfriend.
3. You will likely miss out on chances to meet prospects for real dating.
When you look like you’re always out on a date, chances are few people are going to approach you — except really gross people who don’t mind stealing other people’s dates.
4. You may at times think you’re in love with this person — and you may very well be — but there is something keeping you apart.
If you’re spending this much time together without being romantically involved, the cold truth is that something is awry. Somebody’s not feeling it, or somebody has major emotional blockages to deeper commitment, or both. That might be okay with you for now. You never know what craziness is in store for affairs of the heart, but betting folks would put their money against this one coming to reality.
5. You will have to break up eventually.
You may or may not end up having an actual breakup-ish talk, but a moment will come in which you realize things have changed. One of you may express feelings that the other can’t reciprocate. One of you may demand more than the other is willing to give. (“No, I will not fold your laundry. And furthermore, I don’t want to read your new novel, either.”) Very likely, one of you will get a real-life mate and be forced to renegotiate the terms of the friendship. Spending all your time with your boyfriend-without-benefits would be weird when you have a real partner; it would feel like cheating, in a way. The mysteries of human relationships are winding and vast, like the aisles of a certain Swedish furnishings superstore, but we know when something is just wrong.
6. You will miss him or her.
Okay, so now you have broken up with your boyfriend-without-benefits and things can’t be the same between the both of you ever again, and you might not really even want them to be. But sometimes when you pass through the neighborhood where you and your substitute boyfriend used to drink too much white wine together, you’re going to get a little wistful. And even though you’re still “friends,” what you can’t bring yourself to ask him is: How do you know what to eat for dinner without me?
Posted: at 22-01-2013 03:57 PM (11 years ago) | Upcoming
sophiebaby at 22-01-2013 04:06 PM (11 years ago) (f)
Life is 2short to wake up in the morning with regrets. LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS*SOPHIEBABY* :*
Posted: at 22-01-2013 04:06 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero
sophiebaby at 22-01-2013 04:10 PM (11 years ago) (f)
As substitute boyfriend your wallet is always open and your shoulder always available for crying on. You’ll never complain about this to her. You’ll never take your problems to her, because you are a man, not a honeypot. Unfortunately, you’ll never be an A*#S about it either. You could berate her for her behaviour and tell her to take a running jump but this risks turning you into real boyfriend material. Instead, you are destined to occupy that middle ground of sane, rational human being and on that path lies those dreaded words… Let’s Just Be Friends (LJBF).
Life is 2short to wake up in the morning with regrets. LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS*SOPHIEBABY* :*
Posted: at 22-01-2013 04:10 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero
NYPDmike at 22-01-2013 04:34 PM (11 years ago) (m)
Quote from: sophiebaby on 22-01-2013 04:10 PM
As substitute boyfriend your wallet is always open and your shoulder always available for crying on. You’ll never complain about this to her. You’ll never take your problems to her, because you are a man, not a p***y. Unfortunately, you’ll never be an A*#S about it either. You could berate her for her behaviour and tell her to take a running jump but this risks turning you into real boyfriend material. Instead, you are destined to occupy that middle ground of sane, rational human being and on that path lies those dreaded words… Let’s Just Be Friends (LJBF).
Hey this girl you can't write without mentioning honeypot, dick, or sex??? what is your mission in this site sophie?
Posted: at 22-01-2013 04:34 PM (11 years ago) | Upcoming
I don't see anything bad in naming those things...besides we are all adults here....if u nor like am..comot for this section na...here na relationship and romance....
LOVE COMES TO THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN IT...LET TALK ABOUT LOVE.
Posted: at 22-01-2013 04:36 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero
NYPDmike at 22-01-2013 04:39 PM (11 years ago) (m)
Quote from: sophiebaby on 22-01-2013 04:10 PM
As substitute boyfriend your wallet is always open and your shoulder always available for crying on. You’ll never complain about this to her. You’ll never take your problems to her, because you are a man, not a p***y. Unfortunately, you’ll never be an A*#S about it either. You could berate her for her behaviour and tell her to take a running jump but this risks turning you into real boyfriend material. Instead, you are destined to occupy that middle ground of sane, rational human being and on that path lies those dreaded words… Let’s Just Be Friends (LJBF).
Hey this girl you can't write without mentioning honeypot, dick, or sex??? what is your mission in this site sophie?
Posted: at 22-01-2013 04:39 PM (11 years ago) | Upcoming
paulohking at 22-01-2013 05:00 PM (11 years ago) (m)
Quote from: HOPEA23 on 22-01-2013 04:36 PM
I don't see anything bad in naming those things...besides we are all adults here....if u nor like am..comot for this section na...here na relationship and romance....
abi now
Posted: at 22-01-2013 05:00 PM (11 years ago) | Hero
sophiebaby at 22-01-2013 05:05 PM (11 years ago) (f)
Quote from: HOPEA23 on 22-01-2013 04:36 PM
I don't see anything bad in naming those things...besides we are all adults here....if u nor like am..comot for this section na...here na relationship and romance....
Life is 2short to wake up in the morning with regrets. LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS*SOPHIEBABY* :*
Posted: at 22-01-2013 05:05 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero
sophiebaby
ela214
NYPDmike
micc
HOPEA23
Idbabe
?? what is your mission in this site sophie? 
paulohking
Noble12
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