Plastic man! (Very funny, how he lost his virginity)

I met Jessica on a Tuesday about a month into my junior year in high school.  We were on a field trip and saw some awful show in center city Philadelphia.  We were both in the gifted program through our high school so that entitled us to go on some exclusive trips that 99% of the other kids we went to high school with did not.  Any way she was a year younger than I was and we had never met before that day.  She sat behind me during the show and as kids do we started goofing around and were constantly shushed the entire day by the audience and our teachers.  It was all very innocent that day.  Later that week I bumped into Jessica by pure coincidence in the neighborhood mall on Friday night and at that point we exchanged numbers and spent the rest of the weekend on the phone with one another.  We eventually made plans to cut school the following week to hang out.

 

I remember that morning pretty vividly.  I went about my normal routine, showered, got dressed and ate breakfast while my mom got ready to go to work.  My mom normally left about 15 minutes before I had to so it was not an issue getting caught by her.  Jessica was in a similar situation as her mother left for work long before she had to get to school.  After my mom left I waited a little bit and then hoped on my bike to meet up with Jessica at a point midway between our houses.  I remember passing by a local drug store, Valley Drugs, and for a brief moment thought it would be a good idea to pick up some condoms “just in case.”  I then thought that it probably was not such a good idea as it was a local drug store and albeit small, there was a chance I would get caught cutting school.  I continued riding to the spot that Jessica and I planned to meet.

 

We met and made our way back to her house.  She lead me into one of those homes that just had to much of everything lying around.  I remember it was not the cleanest place and that there was an over abundance of Native American motif crap around.  Lots of turquoise and dream catchers.  It all made no sense considering Jessica was from an Italian background.  I knew this because she had a very Italian sounding last name, but she did not really have the dark hair and dark skin that most of my Italian friends had.  She was about five and a half feet tall with bleach blond dyed hair that was cut about shoulder length. She was very skinny and overall had a nice body.  She also wore a lot of makeup and black clothing.  She was not the prettiest girl I had ever laid eyes on but she had this trashy punk look that at the time I really liked.

 

Anyway we got to her place and she shocked me by asking me right away if I wanted to take a shower with her, which of course I did.  We basically made out in the shower for about a half hour and eventually stumbled out to her room where we continued kissing on this massive waterbed.  The funny thing was that she had been on a popular kid’s game show and won a lot of crap such as the waterbed and an oversized stereo that seemed completely out of place from the rest of the not so nice house.  After a while of kissing and I won’t lie, a lot of other things, she asked me if I had a condom.

 

Of course at that point I cursed every thing imaginable and told her I did not have anything with me.  She hoped out of bed and smiled at me and said, “no problem” as she walked out her bedroom door completely in the Nood.  I figured at that point maybe she had some stashed somewhere or was digging in her mother’s room for some (her mom was divorced).

 

About a minute later she came back to the room with her hand behind her back and a silly smile on her face.  She asked me if I had ever taken a certain health class at school.  I of course did as it was a core class that discussed among other things sex education and using protection.  Jessica then went on to tell me that when she took the class the teacher said that in these situations where you wanted to have sex but did not have protection that any good plastic bag or saran wrap could be used instead.  She then reveled what she was holding behind her back; it was one of the cheap store brand sandwich bags, not a ziploc or anything too fancy, just your average run of the mill cheap plastic sandwich bag.

 

Credence Clearwater Revival came on the radio, I positioned the bag as best as I could and lost my virginity to a girl I had only know for a week with Fortunate Son on the radio and a sandwich bag as my only protection.