> By Bob Wallace
>
> Charges were dropped yesterday against Ruth "Grammy"
> Gordon, an 83-year-old wheelchair-bound grandmother, who was
> originally charged with assault and battery, and assault
> with a deadly weapon, because of an altercation she had last
> week with six airport security guards, that left all six
> hospitalised.
>
> "Justice has been served," said the 95-pound mother of
> three and grandmother of six, as she sat in her wheelchair,
> aided in her breathing by an oxygen bottle. "Now I'm going
> to sue every fool in the federal government for ignorance,
> stupidity, and just plain general incompetence. I'm an
> American, and I won't be treated like this."
>
> The problem began last month as Gordon was attempting to
> board an airplane. "These guys are supposed to be some kind
> of professionals," she said, "but they're dumber than rocks.
> Here they were letting guys who looked just like terrorists
> walk through without searching them, and then they pull me
> aside and tell me they're going to search me? I don't think
> so."
>
> According to one witness, Bud Cort of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio,
> one guard, "who weighed about 300 pounds, looked like he was
> drunk, and had his shirt out, told this woman she couldn't
> board the plane unless they searched her. He was really
> rude. That's when the trouble started."
>
> Videotapes showed that Gordon ran the guard down with her
> motorized wheelchair, then sat on top of the screaming man
> while spinning her chair in circles. "Doofus was so fat he
> couldn't get up," said Gordon with a giggle.
>
> One guard who attempted to pull Gordon's wheelchair off of
> the screaming man from behind was hit over the head with an
> oxygen bottle and knocked unconscious. A third guard, who
> approached Gordon from the front, was also left dazed on the
> floor.
>
> Witnesses said she was cackling, "Put your hands on an old
> lady, will you?" as she bashed both guards. The tape also
> showed a fourth guard attempting to grab Gordon's
> wheelchair. Gordon removed a knitting needle from her purse
> and stabbed him in his left buttock. "What a wimp," she told
> reporters. "He started screaming and grabbing his butt and
> running like a puppy that someone kicked."
>
> "It was amazing," said another witness, a Scott Ryan. "The
> whole crowd just stood there cheering and clapping. I mean,
> she was whupping butt."
>
> A fifth guard that attempted to grab Gordon had the seat of
> his pants set on fire with a cigarette lighter than had
> escaped detection. "He just went whoosh across the
> concourse, screaming and slapping at all these flames flying
> out of his rear," said Ryan.
>
> A sixth guard did finally manage to get Gordon in a body
> hug. "I think that was the wrong thing to do," said another
> witness, who declined to be identified. "She just grabbed
> him by his greasy hair with one hand and cracked him across
> the jaw with her skinny fist. And down and out he went."
>
> After all this, Gordon's chair was still sitting on top of
> the first guard. The tapes clearly showed her leaning over
> and yelling, "Apologize to me, you fat sumbitch, or when I'm
> done with you you'll just be a greasy spot on the floor!"
> As the crowd roared, the guard cried, "I'm sorry, I'm
> sorry! Uncle! I won't do it again!"
>
> Finally, Gordon surrendered without further incident, and
> was taken to jail and released on her own recognizance. "We
> didn't have any choice," said an unidentified officer of the
> court. "Over 200 people showed up to support her. I think if
> we had demanded bail, there would have been a riot."
>
> Over 20 lawyers offered to defend her for free. However,
> realizing the precariousness of the case, Gordon was not
> charged with anything. "I doubt there's a jury in the whole
> country that would have found her guilty of anything," said
> one of the lawyers.
>
> "I'm flying again tomorrow," Gordon told reporters. "And I
> suggest no one at the airport so much as look at me wrong."
>
>
> ## Footnote researched by Alicia Moss
>
> Ruth 'Grammy' Gordon is an urban myth. In fact, it's
> a fiction invented by Bob Wallace. Clues are the
> references to "Bullwinkle" (Bullwinkle Security Company,
> R.J. Squirrel Airport; Frostbite Falls, Minnesota; , Badanov
> Hospital) Also the names mentioned in the piece, Bud Cort
> and Ruth Gordon happen to be the two stars of the 1971
> film Harold and Maude.
>
> =================================================================
| Posted: at | |
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