Innocent is, after all, not as blameless as his name portends. The young man is guilty of several acts of infidelity that have done more harm than good to his longstanding relationship with Adak. ”I don‘t seem to know what the problem is with me. I don‘t know why I am an unrepentant skirt chaser. Many times, I have been caught in the act by my lover of nearly three years and I have run out of excuses for my silly actions,” Innocent explained.
An irritated Adaku is at her wits end and is thinking of calling it quits. ”How long will I continue to endure his flirtations? I had to do away with some of my close friends because he has had a thing or two to do with practically all of them. Even my relations and colleagues at work are not spared. As if that was not enough, last week, I caught him smooching my neighbour‘s 15-year-old niece in a dark alley. How disrespectful can he get? Yet he shows the least remorse when confronted,” she moaned.
”I loved my girlfriend, Keji; and I tried in every way possible to let her know,” said Roland. ”I bought gifts for her and her family; I took her out regularly and I did not mind when she made monetary demands. In my own little way, I made sure she was comfortable at all times, but all of this did not stop her from dating a man old enough to be her father. When I first discovered her antics, I was overtly dejected and, for many weeks, I fought to understand why she would stoop so low. I began to watch her closely when I noticed a change in her attitude towards me. She no longer visited me as often as she used to, and she began to hide her handset from me. She usually came up with reasons why we couldn‘t spend the weekend together as was our usual practice. Initially, I blamed it on added responsibilities at her place of work; but I began to think differently when a friend of mine told me he ran into her at a party when she had earlier informed me she was tending to official matters in another town.”
I did not make my discovery known to her. Instead, I paid more attention to her changing manners. The weekend after I made my findings, I was fiddling with her phone when I stumbled on a text message containing an address. I did not think much of it until she announced to me that she was travelling out of town for a funeral. Having committed the address to memory, I paid a surprise visit to the said address a day after her departure. When I knocked on the door, it was my bewildered girlfriend who opened it. A few moments later, a male voice rang out from behind and soon, the owner of the voice appeared, clad in a towel. He wrapped his arms around my Keji. I just turned back and walked away.”
It has become increasingly difficult for Layo to trust Segun - or any man for that matter again. At least, not after she had discovered that he was cheating on her. ”I thought he was the man for me. Nothing in his manners suggested that he was capable of double dating. We spent a lot of time together and exchanged frequent calls. The only snag is that that he insisted I inform him first before visiting him at home. It took just an impromptu visit to his house to discover he was harbouring a woman there.”
Let’s get talking
Infidelity can be one of the most
heartbreaking things to deal with in life. Not just the affair, but also the betrayal of trust. Often, it‘s difficult to face the reality that one‘s partner is straying. Dealing with infidelity is one of the most painful relationship issues that a couple can face.
From the perspective of the person who is cheated on, the initial experience of dealing with infidelity feels something like this: Your heart races and the bottom falls out of your stomach. You shake in your boots and wonder when time stopped. You ask yourself, ”Can this really be happening?” Many people report thinking about their interactions with their partner over the past few months, searching for clues - anything that would have foretold what was happening; something that they can put their finger on and use in future to prevent them from being unfaithful again.
The plain truth is that cheating can crush a relationship. In one hurtful act, a beautiful union can be shattered into a million tiny pieces. This makes the process of reconciliation a long and tortuous one; while, for many folks, they may never recover. Being cheated on and the process of dealing with infidelity, changes them forever.
Begin mending the relationship by talking it over. It‘s like going back to square one. You have to be sure the conditions that may have caused or allowed for the betrayal are eradicated from your relationship. For example, the person who your partner cheated with has to be out of the picture. No friendship, no once-in-a-while gatherings; no contact whatsoever.
Baring in mind that all hope is not lost, consider the sincerity of the person who betrayed you when he/she asks for reconciliation. You cannot go to him/her; he/she has to come to you. Once he does, you have to be sure it will not happen again. Unless you know your partner very well and can account for his/her actions, you will probably not be able to reassure yourself that it was a one-time affair. If you can get past all that, move the spotlight onto yourself.
Assure yourself that you can live with the knowledge of your partner‘s betrayal in your relationship before you go any further. No one expects you to forget, but you have to be willing to forgive. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into a vicious cycle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken hate. If you say you will forgive, you have to mean it. Nevertheless, before you do, be sure that your partner understands the kind of irreversible damage he/she has done.
Following some of these tips will help you to deal with the betrayal, and not have it scar you permanently.
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